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My lying cheating Sycophantic Narcissistic ex-husband

I found my “now” ex-husband having an affair with a married woman three days after our second son was born. We had a 3 year old son, a newborn and had just bought a condo. All he knew or cared about was the married woman he met that made a lot of money and she was just as narcissistic and evil as him. My ex-husband walked out knowing I couldn’t afford to live in our condo and making me move in with my parents with our two babies. I was left to raise our children alone. Before our baby was a year old he and his girlfriend moved 120 miles north, making sure he was not involved with his children’s lives as much as it was feasible.

Raising children is very emotionally difficult and very expensive, and doing it alone is even more difficult, the sleepless nights with a newborn baby, the pain I felt for my 3 year old son has because his father walked out on us with no reason or explanation. My son couldn’t understand why his father isn’t around anymore, and how do I explain it to him where he will not hurt and will understand? This is a very difficult thing I could handle. The emotional pain from not only losing my husband dealing with no longer having a home or place to call home, but to deal with post partum and two babies alone is so difficult. The financial burden of raising two babies alone is tremendous, health insurance alone is 225.00 per month, and that doesn’t cover the co-pays, prescription drugs, urgent care, emergency visits, shots and auto fuel to go to and from the doctor visits, hospital, urgent care, etc. Taking the necessary time off work so I could take my two children to the doctor was difficult. Diapers cost at least 500.00 per month, baby formula and food cost 600.00 per month, preschool, kindergarten, full time day care for my newborn, elementary school before and after school care, school supplies, clothes and shoes the two boys would outgrew every month, sports, sports supplies, toys, games, movies, school fund raisers, car payments, car insurance were hundreds of dollars each and every month. These things are necessary to raise two babies and doing it alone was so hard. I asked my ex for his help, for him to help with taking the boys to the doctor visits, and or to go with me to the open houses and parent teacher meetings but he always refused, absolutely and emphatically refused saying, that I was doing a good job and if I needed help I should just have my parents help. My parents were so helpful and gracious, they allowed us to move in with them and my parents were 71 years old and 76 years old when we moved in with them. Their youngest daughter and two babies were forced to move in with them, it was very painful for them to see us suffer from our loss. They were too old to have to take care of their 30 something year old daughter, newborn baby boy and a 3 year old boy, but they did it with nothing but love and understanding because they loved us so very much.

My ex-husband walked out and abandoned his children and me; his recovering wife, I was so very sick with the pregnancy of our second child but my ex-husband couldn’t be bothered with taking care of me or even our three year old son. I was on complete bed rest from pregnancy onset borderline diabetes and preclampsia when I would call him at work to please bring home dinner for us and diapers for our 3 year old son, he always refused and snidely would say, “call you Mother, have her do your shopping.” He never tried to take care of his family; his only goal in life has been to find a woman that would take care of him financially, like his mother takes care of his father. He lied and cheated on my children and I without provocation or reason except that he found a woman who was unhappily married and who made a lot of money, and money is the only thing that drove (and currently still drives him) my ex-husband, the only thing he cares about.

My ex owned his own business at a very young age; he had a partner who fronted a lot of money, a female at that, she was under the impression that he loved her and they were together. When he had to start paying the bills and back unpaid taxes, he decided to join the army, he thought it would keep him from having to pay the bills and back taxes, when he found out he was still responsible he got “injured” in the service and got a discharge, after serving less than a year. Then he got a job and found a woman, me, he was interested, when he heard that I was newly divorced (I am such a sucker, go figure) and that my ex was a doctor. He thought I was rich, even though I told him on several occasions that I was by no means rich my ex decided to not pay his business taxes and that he no longer wanted to be a doctor or a ex-husband and all the promises he made me for our future together were a lie, wow am I a sucker. So, I left him and that I went back to college studying to be a teacher. He didn’t care, especially since he was so use to lying he thought I was lying like he does.


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Comments

  • You are not a sucker. You are a loving woman. My soon to be ex left me and my then-8 mo old 11/08. He blamed me, told me he was going back home and that it was all my fault, because I didn't trust him. For months he strung me along, telling me he was sorry, that he needed his space (blah blah blah). A few weeks ago, after he came for a visit and convinced me to sleep with him (that everything would be okay, we'd work it out), he called to say that he had been unfaithful. Not only that, he was living with the other woman (on another island from where his "home is") for the last 4 months and that they had been having an affair for a while before he even left. I was /am devastated. The lies he told, the blaming, the verbal and mental abuse... Unreal. My self-esteem plummeted. I can't believe I let this sucker con me for 10 years. Then we finally have a baby (after he gave me a hard time about not being able to have one) and he splits. I am lucky that I have a good job and family and friends to support us. I have been going to therapy, which has been helping me understand that his actions are separate from me. What I want to say to you is that I HEAR YOU. I will pray for you and your boys. You are not alone, and you are not stupid. To do what you do everyday makes you an amazingly strong woman. If I can see that in you, then I must also believe it about myself. So, let's let go of the negative narcissistic pinheads we married and move on in God's real plan for us. Remember Mandela - 27 years in prison and now the first balck president of South Africa. South Africa! WE ARE STRONGER THAN WE THINK. Believe that all things will fall into place. Distance yourself from this man (don't take his calls - don't even call him). But be warned! He will come knocking one day (out of guilt, greed, whatever) for his boys. Be ready and be strong. -with love, L.
  • My Ex-Wife would be a perfect match for h

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