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My lying cheating Sycophantic Narcissistic ex-husband

I found my “now” ex-husband having an affair with a married woman three days after our second son was born. We had a 3 year old son, a newborn and had just bought a condo. All he knew or cared about was the married woman he met that made a lot of money and she was just as narcissistic and evil as him. My ex-husband walked out knowing I couldn’t afford to live in our condo and making me move in with my parents with our two babies. I was left to raise our children alone. Before our baby was a year old he and his girlfriend moved 120 miles north, making sure he was not involved with his children’s lives as much as it was feasible.

Raising children is very emotionally difficult and very expensive, and doing it alone is even more difficult, the sleepless nights with a newborn baby, the pain I felt for my 3 year old son has because his father walked out on us with no reason or explanation. My son couldn’t understand why his father isn’t around anymore, and how do I explain it to him where he will not hurt and will understand? This is a very difficult thing I could handle. The emotional pain from not only losing my husband dealing with no longer having a home or place to call home, but to deal with post partum and two babies alone is so difficult. The financial burden of raising two babies alone is tremendous, health insurance alone is 225.00 per month, and that doesn’t cover the co-pays, prescription drugs, urgent care, emergency visits, shots and auto fuel to go to and from the doctor visits, hospital, urgent care, etc. Taking the necessary time off work so I could take my two children to the doctor was difficult. Diapers cost at least 500.00 per month, baby formula and food cost 600.00 per month, preschool, kindergarten, full time day care for my newborn, elementary school before and after school care, school supplies, clothes and shoes the two boys would outgrew every month, sports, sports supplies, toys, games, movies, school fund raisers, car payments, car insurance were hundreds of dollars each and every month. These things are necessary to raise two babies and doing it alone was so hard. I asked my ex for his help, for him to help with taking the boys to the doctor visits, and or to go with me to the open houses and parent teacher meetings but he always refused, absolutely and emphatically refused saying, that I was doing a good job and if I needed help I should just have my parents help. My parents were so helpful and gracious, they allowed us to move in with them and my parents were 71 years old and 76 years old when we moved in with them. Their youngest daughter and two babies were forced to move in with them, it was very painful for them to see us suffer from our loss. They were too old to have to take care of their 30 something year old daughter, newborn baby boy and a 3 year old boy, but they did it with nothing but love and understanding because they loved us so very much.

My ex-husband walked out and abandoned his children and me; his recovering wife, I was so very sick with the pregnancy of our second child but my ex-husband couldn’t be bothered with taking care of me or even our three year old son. I was on complete bed rest from pregnancy onset borderline diabetes and preclampsia when I would call him at work to please bring home dinner for us and diapers for our 3 year old son, he always refused and snidely would say, “call you Mother, have her do your shopping.” He never tried to take care of his family; his only goal in life has been to find a woman that would take care of him financially, like his mother takes care of his father. He lied and cheated on my children and I without provocation or reason except that he found a woman who was unhappily married and who made a lot of money, and money is the only thing that drove (and currently still drives him) my ex-husband, the only thing he cares about.

My ex owned his own business at a very young age; he had a partner who fronted a lot of money, a female at that, she was under the impression that he loved her and they were together. When he had to start paying the bills and back unpaid taxes, he decided to join the army, he thought it would keep him from having to pay the bills and back taxes, when he found out he was still responsible he got “injured” in the service and got a discharge, after serving less than a year. Then he got a job and found a woman, me, he was interested, when he heard that I was newly divorced (I am such a sucker, go figure) and that my ex was a doctor. He thought I was rich, even though I told him on several occasions that I was by no means rich my ex decided to not pay his business taxes and that he no longer wanted to be a doctor or a ex-husband and all the promises he made me for our future together were a lie, wow am I a sucker. So, I left him and that I went back to college studying to be a teacher. He didn’t care, especially since he was so use to lying he thought I was lying like he does.


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Comments

  • You are not a sucker. You are a loving woman. My soon to be ex left me and my then-8 mo old 11/08. He blamed me, told me he was going back home and that it was all my fault, because I didn't trust him. For months he strung me along, telling me he was sorry, that he needed his space (blah blah blah). A few weeks ago, after he came for a visit and convinced me to sleep with him (that everything would be okay, we'd work it out), he called to say that he had been unfaithful. Not only that, he was living with the other woman (on another island from where his "home is") for the last 4 months and that they had been having an affair for a while before he even left. I was /am devastated. The lies he told, the blaming, the verbal and mental abuse... Unreal. My self-esteem plummeted. I can't believe I let this sucker con me for 10 years. Then we finally have a baby (after he gave me a hard time about not being able to have one) and he splits. I am lucky that I have a good job and family and friends to support us. I have been going to therapy, which has been helping me understand that his actions are separate from me. What I want to say to you is that I HEAR YOU. I will pray for you and your boys. You are not alone, and you are not stupid. To do what you do everyday makes you an amazingly strong woman. If I can see that in you, then I must also believe it about myself. So, let's let go of the negative narcissistic pinheads we married and move on in God's real plan for us. Remember Mandela - 27 years in prison and now the first balck president of South Africa. South Africa! WE ARE STRONGER THAN WE THINK. Believe that all things will fall into place. Distance yourself from this man (don't take his calls - don't even call him). But be warned! He will come knocking one day (out of guilt, greed, whatever) for his boys. Be ready and be strong. -with love, L.
  • My Ex-Wife would be a perfect match for h
  • My soon to be ex husband started cheating on me when I was 8 months pregnant with our second daughter. I found out on my own during my maternity leave. He lied and lied and then lied some more! I do not know this new man that looks like my husband I feel like the last 7 years have been nothing but a lie. I moved to this state to be with him. My whole family lives in Florida! I am devastated this is not the life I wanted for my beautiful girls. I am moving out next week! Lukily I have a great profession. However, I found out today that my sister in law thinks he is leaving my now eight month old and 3 yr old home alone on the 1 day that I have work that he has off. My daughter told me Sunday that he left her home alone and went out but I thought she was telling stories! I don't know what to do!!! Who do I tell this to...how can I go to work and feel that my children are safe???
  • I have raised my three children alone. Why? Because I allowed a down low/ porn & sodomy addicted freak to beg me into marrying his sorry ass. I had my daughter and was living with her father when he, my supposed "best friend" began begging me to leave the abusive relationship and marry him.

    (This is what happens when one grows up in a home where her mother is domestically battered---but that account is for a different site.)

    He proclaimed his undying love for me and said that he would cherish and love my daughter and me forever. I warned him that it would be unwise for me to leave such a troubled relationship and go right into another.

    The fact that I had just gone through a hellish situation with my daughter's father was bad enough, but it was compounded by the fact that I am a childhood molestation and rape survivor. I told him that I needed time to heal and process my multiple life's traumas before marrying him or anyone.

    He pressed on with the "Marry me!" "Marry me!" "Marry me!" It became his mantra of sorts.

    I reminded him that though he and I loved one another as friends, we always bickered and that would not be good in a marriage. I asked him to consider how young we were at only 20 and that he as a young man might still have a need to explore and play the field as young men seem to be so drawn to do. I did not care if he did, I just did not want to marry him if that was the case.

    He swore that it was his heart's desire to love and only be with me. Why did I fall for it?! I also knew because we were such good friends that his first "love" or crush was with a man. He was 15 and the man was 25. He experienced his first kiss with this man. He also had very effeminate ways, no base in his voice and mood-swings like a female.

    Yes, you are RIGHT! I should have known...but please remember that I was only 20 years old. I also genuinely loved him. Admittedly, I chose to believe him when he said he loved me. And he had always been quite emphatic about his not being gay or bisexual.

    The marriage I endured was something from every woman's nightmares. He was in the navy so my daughter and I were immediately whisked off to another state. I had no one but him to rely on.

    He was such a beeeeeeeeeeee....

    To make things even worse I immediately got pregnant. He came home from work one day and I ran to the door to greet him. He stormed in angry and said he wanted someone to come in and shoot my baby girl, me and himself right in the head!

    That is when I should have left.

    I stayed with him and even had another baby. We had three beautiful children and he hated them. He was jealous of the children and often accused me of loving the children more than I loved him.

    He was quite mean and strict with them---even when they were just little babies. I had to beg him not to hit them--especially our oldest son. It was an on-going and chronic problem.

    He was also steadily nursing a truly nasty porn-habit. It turned my gut! I was cleaning the house one day and I found a stash of X rated video stuffed in our living room furniture. I put one on. It was a close up of an erect penis being thrust in and out of an anus. Just that. It went on and one and on... In and out...In and out....

    I cried.

    I was married to a repugnant, disgusting pus-pig! Just the thought of him made me want to vomit down his open neck. I confronted him about the pornography. He was cold and defiant as usual. You see, I avoided sex with him as often as I could because on top of his nasty porn lust, he habitually flirted with other women, went to orgies and forced painful anal sex on me. I started having to drink and go to bed drunk just to dull the pain of the obligatory marital rape I was forced to endure.

    Then he started speaking on the phone with some ugly, desperate whore that we used to go to high school with. He purposely used her to hurt me and told me regularly that she was now his "best friend". I objected to this "friendship" and begged him to end it and go to marriage counseling with me and try to save our family. He refused.

    Naturally, his so-called friendship turned into his screwing the whore. I got proof of this on our 7th anniversary when I found the whore's used, stained pantie shield and a nasty letter he had written to her in his briefcase.

    I never understood crimes of passion and temporary insanity until that night. I literally saw RED and then I saw myself go into our kitchen, grab the big knife and go upstairs into our bedroom and stab his filthy ass into jelly.

    Fortunately for him, our kids and me, I was raised under God. An angel ushered me out of our home that night. I just drove off crying like a dying, wounded dove into the night. I had NEVER felt such pain, betrayal and disgust ever, ever before in my entire life.

    I could not wrap my mind and heart around the fact that I had actually married and made babies with someone who was so wicked, selfish and cruel. I still can not always even comprehend it.

    I divorced him.

    We spent our kids' childhoods with him coming to town once or twice a year, taking them to pizza and movies and taking me to bed when he could. Some times he forced me. Some times I let him. And all the while that he was begging me to take him back, he was living with his whore in another state--with her son!

    To this day the cow likely still thinks that she took something from me. That is what moral-less whores like to think, that a man is willing to dog over his wife and family for her. It makes them feel "special". The truth is I divorced him and REFUSED to take his sorry ass back.

    Meanwhile, I raised our kids alone. I went back to school and earned several advanced degrees. I put all my energy into my children and being successful. I went to counseling. I dated wonderful men...but I would only allow them to get within a certain boundary with me. I vowed to never allow any man to hurt my children or me again. I kept that vow.

    A few of them proposed.

    I was never even slightly tempted to marry anyone. I liked being an autonomous woman. I enjoyed going to bed at night without being tortured and sodomized. As the kids moved into their teen years I enjoyed the freedom of weekend trips with masculine, handsome, intelligent and powerful suitors.

    Still, my children have lasting scars. I have lasting scars. And this pig goes on and on. His sons both have no respect at all for him. This is not what I wanted for them! How could he...we allow such a sick, stereotypical AWFUL scenario play out in our children's lives and our lives?

    No matter all my accomplishments, my Heart's Greatest Desire was to just be able to create and enjoy a happy, whole, normal Family. He knew that and that is why he took it from me.

    After all these years....my eyes still sting with tears that someone would just come into my life and defecate all over it has he purposely has done.

    They say that Time heals all wounds...well, it hasn't healed mine...not completely--
  • The Betrayal Bond by Patrick Cranes. excellent for understanding the situation.
  • How do you think us guys feel when we are bent over in court for outrageous child support payments? Deal with it. About time a woman got bent over for a change.

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