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How To Torture An Ex WIth BPD

It would take a divorce to motivate me, but if your's is a borderline then do some reading, and you will discover a pattern of predicable behavior.
You will soon see how one exchange leads to the next.
First, you must have patients and keep her dependent on you. You must have her believe you are the one and only person she can turn to when her dysfunctional life is in chaos. Now you have taken control of the manipulator. This will only work a few times, so make a plan and execute it with surgical precision.

Now maybe you have 10 steps listed. Someshere along that process do something different and unexpected

It will throw her off and she will begin to react to those feelings.

Finally, have a plan to exploit that reaction and throw it back at her. She will be unable to control you and turn that self-loathing back onto herself

Now tell her you cannot help her anymore and how everybody has told you; and now I realize we cannot be friends and the friendship is over.

In a minute she is dealing with the
inability to manipulate you,
she's lost control of the exchange and
dealing with her horrific fear of abandonment

Do not call her, do not answer the phone, and very once in a while send her a short e-mail asking about the kids and that's it (I talk to my son directly so I do not need to get info from the ex-wife)

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  • That's awesome dude! I tried it and it works!
  • My BPD ex-wife; after the divorce she came clean with her shame, guilt and remorse. So I befriended her. I always tell her, "I understand" and if she needs to talk then call me. Then for about 18 months she was in a relationship and quickly learned that boyfriends are not as forgiving as husbands. I used to go over to her place and I would let her talk, and I just listened. I was empathetic and I could filter the deception and lies. She has no idea how much she told me and she has no idea I spent a year doing research on psychology and personality disorders. While she is unpredictable in the moment her pattern of behavior and the consequences are easy to predict. At the same time she exhibited her manipulation, asserted her sense of entitlement and I was not going to play that game knowing she was sleeping with other men.
    Then the payback for ruining 20 years of my life and harming our son began. She said, "You desire me" and to that I told her, "No, I love you and always will, but I do not desire you". This established my boundaries very quickly. Then she began to realize I know the real her and if she needed someone to talk to I would be there. I let her know, "I may not be your husband anymore, but I will always be a phone call away". This showed her I was not going to abandon her and never would have. So when her boyfriends walk out on her she can always call me and at the same time she knows, "He does care and I lost the one man who would never leave me".
    In November of 2008 after staying single for 2 years I asked if I could spend the night as a guest. She was flying to another state to see her boyfriend and I came up there to spend that time with our son. The two nights she allowed me to stay in the guest room I was courting my first post divorce girlfriend and she did not like this. I remember being on my cell talking to my girlfriend and how the ex kept interrupting me. At one point she shoved me saying, "Will you get out of my way". The BPD ex was jealous.
    This realization of her's would finally manifest itself as she turned on her boyfriend and dumped him. It was also when her BPD behavior became more pathological. She finally had to accept that I was moving on.
    What happened now was she would call me hoping it would destabilize my new relationship, but I told ex-wife my new GF did not have any problems with us being friends; the ex could no longer manipulate me and now she would escalate the situation by turning on our son and over the last 12 months I have on several occasions told the ex that, "Your treatment of our son has gotten out of hand and I am going to move back to your town and intervene". She knows exactly what I meant; I am going to fight for custody of our son because the ex-wife does not meet my expectations as the custodial parent. The BPD ex knows from the divorce that I am an expert planner, I have saved saved all the e-mail exchanges we have had since 2004, that I know about all her dirty secrets and I have the e-mails she exchanged with her married ex-boyfriend. When the BPD ex tried to intimidate me back in 2006 by saying her ex-boyfriend will deny anything inappropriate when my attorney read their e-mails and filed a counter-complaint of adultery. When the then estranged wife lied to her attorney who sent an intimidating letter to mine I forwarded those e-mails to her ex-boyfriends wife. Well his wife intervened and from that day on the ex-wife knows I will play hardball if she tries to screw with me. As for the ex-wife's mother; the ex told her family I had abused her, I had tried to sexually assault her and they bought into her lies. It took a few phone calls, and some cordial visits by me and my son, but I convinced her mother (and family) that I would not cause emotional harm to her daughter and grandson. Actually, I am admired and loved by the ex-wife's family and always welcome to call of stop by to visit.
    So the BPD ex-wife is both scared to death of me and at the same time knows I am the one person who she can still turn to when others have forsaken her.
    Don;t get me wrong, if the BPD ex-wife is behaving herself and not upsetting my son then I have no issues with her. It's simple; if she forces me to choose then I will side with my son and do what I must to protect him. As for lashing out at the ex I only do it when it's justifiable
    The bottom line is she knows she lost a good husband and took her son's father away. When I return my plan is simple; I will take custody of our son, help him recover from his mothers abuse and neglect ad once that is OK my next priority will be to help my son and his mother rebuild the relationship she ruined.
    It's all about being both a sincere and kind person and at the same time protecting my reputation and my son's mental health. \But in the end the BPD ex-wife will see I could have, but I did not exit her life. Just maybe she will begin to see her wrongs and make better choices.
  • Hi,
    That is exactly what I did with my BPD ex-wife and it works. Mine is genuine knowing any relationship she has is going to be dysfunctional.
    She called me one night to tell me I was not at fault for our divorce. She went on to tell me how she fights with our son and her boyfriend all the time. Finally, she spoke of how I get along with everybody (including her) and and how I do not argue and fight with them like we did when we were married.
    When she pisses me off I will slam her with the blunt truth and not communicate with her for about 2 weeks. Then when I do write or call she is so pleased to hear from me.
    She was always terrified that I would abandon her, but I will not. I may not get too close, but I told her she is a lifelong friend who can call me anytime and anyday.
    She is in trouble and I can see it now. No matter what she is we were married for 20 years and I will always love her. Now she is more "family" than anything else.
    Still she still makes the same mistakes she did 6 years ago.
    She has just enough empathy to see this. her mistahas ruined a mans life, but abruptly dumping him so she could date her neighbor
  • I'm not an expert on borderline personality disorder but I know a lot of readers have similar stories to yours, it really appears that people with borderline personality disorder (BPD) can develop a tendency to engage in reckless or impulsive sex.


  • I haven’t told my wife that I am ready to file for divorce because I’m afraid of how she will respond but I need to do something within the next month. It’s not a matter of stepping back and thinking about it I have been secretly contemplating divorcing my borderline personality disorder wife for six months now. Can you give me what you would consider your top three tips or advice for divorcing someone with borderline personality disorder?


    1. Don't hide the handgun. It will just piss her off and make her get all scary and scream, "Do you really think I'm stupid enough to try to kill you?" and you'll just sit there and want to say, "Well, maybe not with a gun, but you'd sure put antifreeze in my cornflakes." So, don't hide the handgun. Hide the bullets. But, first, take her out and teach her how to shoot. Tell her that since you're breaking up and she'll be on her own soon, you want her to know how to protect herself. Make sure to show her how to load the gun correctly. Then, as I said, hide the bullets. Do this because (1) she is crazy and she may shoot you if she gets pissed off enough, and, more importantly, (2) because when she is not at home, you can reload the gun (wearing gloves) with bullets that have her fingerprints on them, fire a couple of rounds into the wall, take a shower, wash your hands really good, then wait for her to get home, and as soon as you get into a fight, and she's all worked up and mad, call the cops and tell her that she tried to shoot you. Give them the gun as evidence.

    2. Before carrying out #1 or actually getting a divorce, have as much sex with her as you can. Chicks with BPD are great in bed, and you'll miss that.

    3. Apologize for having sex with her sister. If she doesn't have a sister, you can substitute another relative or friend. She won't believe you, but she won't not believe you, either. It will make her obsess forever.
  • I like the way all of this sounds, but I am trying t ostay 100% Nc as she is the one that left me
  • This is the most malicious and terrible thread I have ever read on the Internet. No exaggeration, I have never seen so many horrible statements compiled into one place. If I believed in a hell, I'm quite sure that all of you would end up there. It's sociopathic assholes like you people that give humanity a bad name. I know you will all be able to live with yourselves because it's quite apparent that none of you have a conscience. It's one thing to be broken-hearted and to take that pain and be spiteful toward an ex, but this is just deplorable. Pardon the lack of eloquence when I say this to you all, but fuck you and I hope to never meet any of your kind.
  • "If I believed in a hell, I'm quite sure that all of you would end up there. It's sociopathic assholes like you people that give humanity a bad name. I know you will all be able to live with yourselves because it's quite apparent that none of you have a conscience." - Well that's the point here. We're talking about BPD "sociopathic assholes that give the humanity a bad name"! "It's quite apperent that none of (them) have conscience"! THAT'S THE POINT!
  • "malicious and terrible"? "sociopathic assholes"? Darling, we're tired of being nice guys, tired of being understanding and caring and forgiving and loving and supportive and always there. We didn't get any thanks, we didn't get any love - we got our butts kicked and our faces wiped all over the sidewalk, most of us believe that we are totally useless and undeserving of any goodness - but guess what? we're on the rebound, we're coming back and before we go, we want a little payback...

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