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I wanna tell you my story ,i just want to get this out.
I had a girlfriend for two years some time ago. We started dating when i was 17 i quickly fell in love with her and later came to realize that i cant live without here.(ofcourse i was young,full of hormones and foolish,i know) SO everythuing seemed to go really well ,i thought i love her very much,she loved me too. But.. like 6 months into our relationship my friend told me that he heard that she is fooling around with some other guy she knows from our school,(i think nothing really serious). I got cautious and mad at first, but then after talking with her and hearing her lies and denial i believed it and i let this one slip... so our relationship went on for some more time like there is nothing wrong, but soon i started having doubts that she is really cheating on me. (i have to mention that she also casually stayed in other city as she told me just chilling with her girlfriends) We started fighting. like a lot, from day to day.Then one day i called her and heard some male voices in the background,she simply explained(lied) that there were some guys just walking by in the park where she and her girlfriends were hanging out. Stupid me i believed this one and let it slip once again. I was mad once again and knew something might be wrong but i let my feelings decide everything for me .(by the way,we had sex A LOT, and i loved it so much,because this was my first girl i had sex with ).
,oh also i forgot to mention that i found out that one guy was writing her messages like "goodnight<3" and stuff like that from time to time, but she told me she never writes him back and doesnt want to delete his number so she knows who writes her(which later i found out was the guy she was messing around making oug) ok now i see i was so stupid i would punch myself) .Ok so we were still fighting over bullshit things and me not trusting her etc etc. I hated the fighting, everytime i felt like i was crushed and didn't even want to eat or do anything ,all i was thinking about was her. But it seems everytime we fought over some serious trust issues we just had sex and everything went away.(well not really for me, because i kept all of it inside of me).
Summer came around and i was happy that we could spend more time together(and hopefully i will have no more doubts wether my ex is cheating on me or not. I thought that we would be together alot and she wouldnt have time to do something like that) But OFCOURSE i was wrong.
My ex went to camp(near to where she lived.)(well she lived like 9miles away from me,but thats irrelevant) with few of her girlfriends .
After the camp was over i came to visit my girlfriend but she seemed upset ,seemed like she didnt want to be with me ,she seemed very cold, but also pretended that everything is alright. We hang out and from nowhere she started crying,i asked why did she cry and she replied: - i really miss my new friends from camp i met, they were really cool people. Well i told her to calm down, she will meet her friends once again some day and everything is alright. I didnt think it had anything to do with another guy so i was pretty calm about it(but stll my guts werent).
Three weeks after the camp ended,i hadnt any doubts ,i was happy ,we werent fighting so much and everything seemed alright. BUT my ex's friend(which i was friends with too) told me that my ex made out ,held hands etc with a guy from another city which they both met while being in the summer camp(which lasted for 4-5 days).
I WAS CRUSHED. I havent felt like that ever in my life. I am a man but i wanted to burst out in my tears,but i tried to be as calm as i can and let my anger out somewher else. The day i found this out i messaged my ex and i told her i know everything, that her friend told me all the details and i want to break up. She quickly denied everything called her friend a filthy whore and a liar. (they were friends for over 6 years i have to mention. ,and from then on they werent friends anymore). But i still broke up with her. She cried and asked me to take her back, called me non stop ,messaged me, and after two weeks i was still very much in love with her and couldnt stay away from her so i took her back. I FORGAVE HER. I told her i can forgive her because i love her very much and this cant happen again.(and i guess this was my weakness). The thing is that after two more weeks when i came to visit her in her house, we went up in her room,just sat there and she told me: - you know what, i think we should break up, this guy(the guy who she met at the camp) is leaving his girlfriend for her(appearantly he had one) and they are going to be a couple. I was SHOCKED. I tried to burst out of her house but she didnt want me to make a big scene in front of her parents( they were downstairs watching tv i think.) So she calmed me down and then i started crying( remmembering this makes me wanna punch myself even more ) i was really upset, and told her that i love her more than everything i will do anything to make this work, and then she said that she feels the same, this was a mistake ,we can make this work. So she deleted the guy from her telephone immediately and told me that she was just wrong and almost made a big mistake.
Oh was i relieaved at the time... BUt i knew that i couldn't trust her after this. But somehow i managed to stay with her and forgive her again.
Few months went by and we broke up again. This time i was more distant from her ,but we still texted eachother and i said stuff how i miss her etc. But she found a new guy and quickly started a relationship with him. I was like, whatever ,i wanna get over her so i pretended i didn't care. But the thing is we went to the same school and i saw her everyday (well the guy was from other town so i didnt see her with him) and... one day she started texting me that she doesnt want to be with him anymore ,hes no good,he doesnt satisfie her in bed etc. (she told me she had sex with him only twice.)
Ok i was still single and still inlove with her so we started an "affair" (i dont realy wanna call it that way because we kinda still were meeting ,texting and even doing skype sex) So we just started fucking, every chance we get we would fuck, and some time (like a week,and she havent met her "boyfriend" in a while) went by what do you know ,she says we should get back together again.
And i think you understand that I WAS STILL RIDICULOUSLY STUPID. I agreed. After listening to her whine about her new"boyfriend" ,talking about him and ofcourse her cheating on him with me (later on) i took her back. To think now... I was in deep shit.
After taking her back, i didnt want people to know that we were dating(i didnt want to be judged) so i told her that very few people can know about this. And this went on for a while. We were secret, but not really, some people we know ofcourse saw us together few times and they knew what was up.
But then i didnt care anymore i thought we could soon get back together publicaly. I was happy at the time. UNTIL one day we were hanging out with her (we werent publiclly together yet though ,so we met secretly mostly) and she gotten a message from a guy (not her ex but ANOTHER GUY! which i later found out was my friend( who didnt know we were back together ,but knew we were hanging out(hes one of the people who saw us))and i still have some grudge upon him.)
His message was clear - when are you coming? ,i ofcourse started flipping out, saying what the fuck is happening what are you doing behind my back now? (we were 'secretly' together for 3more months now) i read all the messages and saw her texting him some stuff like "hey sweetie:)" and so on. I was VERY angry and smashed her phone to the ground and walked away. (but ofourse...i was so fucking weak.) so i came back to her to find her crying. I poured my heart to her,told her to choose what she wants to do, be a slut or be with me ,and told her to come to my house asap if she wants to be with me and we will talk.
Sooo..She comes to my place after like roughly an hour.(i texted her before and asked if she is coming,she told me she had to help her mother with something i dont remember now.) And oh was i mad. Because i just knew. My guts knew, my heart knew, that she went to my friends house. I confronted her and she confessed, yes i went there ,but only to play pool. I was like ,really? i dont fucking believe you. I told her that i know she didnt play pool or anything, ofcourse she started crying again and told me that she made out with the guy.
I started boiling from inside knowing that she had the nerve come back to me after that (which i later found out not she only made out with him but she had SEX) . I shouted at her and told her to leave,but she hugged me and said please let me stay i love you. And the quickly took of her clothes. There she stood,naked right in front of me,and knowing how hormones work...
Yes i had sex with her(i was really mad at the moment but couldnt control myself) . After the sex i told her that we couldnt be together anymore. She was like : i understand...
But after like a month or two, i met her and we talked for a bit, to quickly realise we want to have sex with eachother again. So we did it,but before she told me how she still loves me and wants me back.
I told her the same shit just to fuck her quicker . And then it began all over again....
I was so into having sex with her that i visited her once in every other day when summer break was on again.
(that was our second summer) but this time..we werent officially dating,we knew we werent dating,(ofcourse her parents thought we were,and she wished that we was,but i certainly was in just for the sex) so we had sex lots of times in the summer whenever i could come to her we would fuck.
I might of started to get some of the feelings back but not that much that i couldnt control. So after a month went by i thought i should stop all of this because it is tiring me ,she wanting to be in a relationship again,and me remembering all the shit i went trough because of her. So i dumped her. I told her i dont want to be with her anymore (although i couldnt stop thinking about fucking her, this still haunts me sometime, because i just loved having sex with her,she was sexy and had an amazing body).
Well she called me a lot told me that i should come back to her etc etc, but i ignored her for a while and everything gotten silent. (i blocked her from every social webpage i had her in etc)
Though the thought of fucking her was making me crazy. Even after ive gotten a good girlfriend( which i only had sex after few months in.) So yeah i had a new girlfriend ,everything was going alright and i was (atleast i thought i was) over my ex.
When i met her (this was about a half a year or more after i dumped her) she was wearing a beautiful dress and looked so good in it,old feelings came up and after hesitating for some time i texted her, asked her how shes doing ,etc. She ofcourse replied and told me that we should meet up and talk about hows everything going.
I ofcourse being fucking dumb agreed.(because i knew i want to fuck her and didnt know if i could resist that iif i get a chance.)
So she came up to me when i was hangin out in my car and i thought we should go somewhere where no one could see us(even though this meeting was at night,uh whatever.),so we drove in place which we used to go to fuck when we were dating and didnt wanna go to either of our houses.
I knew my dick took over the thinking and i didnt think clear at all. So we talked for like 5minutes and she said to me,what are we trying to fool? i know you want me. And she started to suck me off. It felt sooo wrong..but at the same time i remembered old times and how good everything felt back then. So i didnt hold back. we went onto the backseat ,she took her clothes off and i fucked her. (i just couldnt resist her).
But 5 minutes later i realised what have i done. I was so angry at myself that i started freaking out (but didnt show that to her) i told her that this was a mistake and shouldnt happen again. I drove her back ,and we talked for like 15more minutes. (thats when i found out that not she only made out with my friend but also fucked him, i just asked her and she answered simply as that.) I though at that moment, damn you are a slut. But at the same time thought ,arent i too? after doing this. Well after this incident i never talked to my ex again.
I hated myself. I hated myself for quite a while,it was killing me from the inside that i did this and i knew i had to tell my girlfriend, so i did. I knew that she could leave me ,but i took the chance. And after some time she decided to forgive me ,i would never cheat on her again. This was one of the biggest mistakes in my life. And i understand that. It was just that i were together with the ex for so long that i couldnt forget her ,and the sex we had after i dumped her DID NOT HELP AT ALL.
So at this point my advice would be : NEVER HAVE SEX WITH YOUR EX AFTER YOU BREAK UP! because this could ruin everything for you. If i didnt have sex with her for that long even after we were done i wouldnt of been thinking about fucking her again and again.
Its just human nature ,that we get attached to things. Even the things we shouldnt be attached to.
Thank you for reading, i just wanted to share this. I feel relieved. And i hope you can use my situation to help yourself prevent stuff like this.
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