Relationship Rants, Ex Wife Rants, Ex Husband Rants and more ...
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HOWEVER, my boyfriend’s ex-wife is another story. She chose to end their marriage, however she is neurotic about him dating me. Without her in the picture we all get along beautifully. I love his kids, and my kids love him (and vice versa). Our children are friends and get along well, unless his ex starts playing her games. She is constantly saying things to undermine my boyfriend, and make their children feel like my children and I are taking all of their father's time, money, etc. (none of which is true - we are VERY family oriented, and constantly strive to put the children first). His ex continues to sign their children up for an absurd amount of extra curricular activities (up to 5 activities each), which is draining on the budget, and impossible to manage time wise (practices every night, and some BEFORE school, games every weekend!). She becomes unreasonable whenever my boyfriend suggests that they cut back on their children's activities, and threatens to tell the kids that "your father doesn't want you to play _________ because he spends all of his time and money on (me). He then feels trapped and feels forced to agree to this insane schedule.
He has attempted to talk to her many times, but she always pitches a fit, and gets her way.
Not being married to him, and even if I were, I do not feel that it is my place to tell him he should cut back on his kids' activities (although we have discussed it, and I have told him how it makes me feel). If I want to spend time with him, I have to cater to his kid’s schedule, and so does my children.
My boyfriend is a wonderful man. He is as torn about this as I am, and he is trying very hard to come to some resolve.
It is hurtful to him that his ex-wife says such vile things about him and about me to the children.
I always try to take the higher road, and set a positive example for the kids. I think they see this (my relationship with his children is very good), but it is confusing to them when their mother tries to undermine us.
I’m sorry this post is so long, I just need to rant a little bit before I burst!
Has anyone else dealt with this kind of nonsense? I'm open to any advice.
Thank you!
Posted 2 hours ago
Rating:5.00
Comments
- Kill the bitch!
Posted 2 weeks ago - Keep taking the high road. Eventually this will come back to bite her. Don't stoop to her level.
Posted 1 week ago - My ex points at me negatively when I don't have the time to spend with her and my older kids due to pressing work and current family obligations. I am made out to be the bad guy... and am constantly treated like garbage because of it. Hopefully the kids will see this alienation tactic for what it is... and will come around as I refuse to be pushed around by her means of manipulation.
Posted 2 weeks ago - Honey, I've been dealing with a similar situation for almost 3 years now - the mom uses the kids and their supposed "needs" (who the *$%@# NEEDS that many activities?? How about some down time for those poor kids? Tell your boyfriend that he is NOT REQUIRED to pay for all those activities. If he pays CS, he is not REQUIRED to pay any extra if he so chooses - but I know he is driven by GUILT. He needs to talk to his KIDS about their activities, and HE is their parent, HE is providing the $$, and HE has EVERY RIGHT to say "NO". I don't know about you, but my parents sure didn't coddle ME that way!! Let him know that this crazy ex-wife of his IS NOT GOING TO LET UP, NO MATTER IF HE PAYS UP OR NOT. She will ALWAYS find something else to badmouth him to the kids about. ALWAYS, until she MOVES ON in her own life. He needs to tell his kids and his ex-wife that he is willing to pay for ONE extracurricular activity, PERIOD, and STAND HIS GROUND. Again, the crazy ex- is going to badmouth him NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES, GOOD OR BAD. She will lie to her kids faces. He needs to COMMUNICATE with his kids REGULARLY, and he needs to figure out how to BE HONEST and STRAIGHTFORWARD with his kids as much as possible without totally bashing their nutjob of a mother. I recommend he tells them, "I am NOT trying to speak badly about your mom, but you deserve to have me speak honestly and openly with you, just as I want you to always know you can speak HONESTLY AND OPENLY with me."
It will be a long road, my dear, and you will need to have MUCH patience if you are staying with him. In the meantime, check out the following forum - it will help you greatly, methinks! Good luck to you!
http://www.bpdfamily.org/index.php?board=9.0
Posted 2 weeks ago - Oh, also (I wrote the above reply) - remind your boyfriend that maybe, just maybe, hie kids will actually be RELIEVED to have less activities. They are probably exhausted. HE NEEDS TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEM, NOT HER, ABOUT THIS. I also suggest you do some reading on Parallel Parenting. Hopefully you can get him past the divorce guilt and get him on board to being a strong dad for his kids - which doesn't just mean shelling out money and DEFINITELY doesn't mean following "Her Majesty" the nutjob's orders. His kids need to learn to stand up to her when she starts bullying them, which WILL most likely happen - mark my words! I don't know their ages, but please ask your boyfriend to think ahead to those tumultuous teenage years when those kids will ABHOR their crazy mom trying to run their every waking moment, and their mom will not know how to deal with them questioning her actions or backtalking her the way teenagers do. She will FREAK when they become more independent - and DAD needs to have taught them how to be strong.....
Posted 2 weeks ago - uh, do we have the same life or WHAT? Our ex-wife is supposedly the pillar of her little community (pop. 5000) she signs the kids up for so many activities (even though they are failing academically) JUST TO BE SEEN 24/7 and for her kids TO BE POPULAR. that is all that matters to her: for her and the kids to be popular and to trash the father and myself to the kids and her entire community! If you have your BF's support then go ahead and set house rules, but if you don't (like i don't; too much parenting by guilt) DISENGAGE! keep saying over and over "not my kids, not my problem" this sounds harsh but it is the only way to preserve your sanity; i've been dealing with this for the past 4 years w/ my BF. good luck, you're gonna need it!
Posted 2 weeks ago - I am going to suggest a book that I have learned about from a step-family support group I belong to. The name of the book is called Divorce Poison by Dr. Worshak (I think that is the spelling, but I am drawing a blank on the first name). It will help you deal with things like this.
what this boils down to is that the ex-wife doesn't want him, but she doesn't want any one else in his life. She wants to see her ex-husband being miserable because he can't be happier or have a better life then hers.
I had to deal with a lunatic when I got together with my DH.
My suggestion is that you find a step-family support group and they will be able to help you with suggestions in dealing with this kind of crap. Also it will help you feel that you are not alone.
Good luck with dealing with the raving lunatic.
Posted 1 week ago - I suggest sucking my d.ick.
Posted 1 day ago - I too have to deal with an X this weekend. I have always avoided X's like the plague. But this is a Wedding. I expect to be diss'd. I expect to be talked about. I am also aware of the fact that there will be some people there that are higher than 5th grade and they will pick up on my ability to be a class act. But, when cornered I have the quickest whit one can imagine and I can and will draw blood with my whit is I have too. I rarely allow anyone to disrespect me. Define the boundaries well and keep them managed.
Posted 7 hours ago
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