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My psycho ex putting me on shakey ground w/girlfriend
I have a psycho ex-wife that is obsessed with torturing me and using the kids as her meal ticket. She is constantly taking me back to court looking for more money. (She doesn't work and never intends to, btw.)As if that isn't bad enough, this situation is putting my current relationship in jeopardy. I am lucky enough to have found a great woman that is sexy, smart, fun and successful. She is lucky enough to have a good, normal relationship with her ex, and I get along with him too.
Constantly having to go back to court and battle my lazy, money hungry ex stresses out my girlfriend. She has trouble dealing with it and is hinting that she will not stay with me if this doesn't stop.
She is a great girlfriend and tries to be supportive, but she has been in a bad situation before. A former boyfriend's ex was so crazy that she went after her, had her electricity shut off by posing as her, threatened her family, etc. Mine isn't that bad, but she seems to have the potential to get there.
I don't blame my gf for not wanting to be in that type of situation again, but it really sucks that my ex is now screwing up the good relationship that I have.
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Comments
- There are some things you should talk with your girlfriend about and there are some things that you should not.
This is one of the things that you should not. - You need to consult an attorney about your ex-wife using the dragging-you-back-into-court-for-every-little-freakin'-thing as HARASSMENT.
You need to draw clear boundaries with the ex and stick to them immovably. You need to make up your mind that you will no longer allow your ex to manipulate your guilt re: your kids or anything else, and you can file a court motion for YOURSELF insisting that your ex's continual litigious actions are putting you in a hardship position and are harassment, pure and simple.
I disagree with the previous poster who said you just should not discuss this with your current girlfriend. I think you SHOULD, but you don't have to tell her EVERYthing, kwim? Just give her enough information to let her know you're handling it, but you might want to spare her every detail.
Good luck...husband and I dealt with this for a few years with his ex....
- Hey, check out www.thepsychoexwife.com
You may get lots of good tips there from a veteran who's BTDT...
- Whoever suggested about getting an attorney and going to court is a good idea.
But when you do, agree to a set amount of child support, a visitation schedule, and follow it to the letter, don't deviate from the plan. If you can't make a visitation, don't ask to swap any days you just miss it. If she doesn't let you have the kids document that you didn't get the kids and why. If you miss visiation document it and why, but when you do explain it to the kids then tell the ex-spouse. Any time you have a phone call document it. Save all written correspondence, if it is e-mail print it out along with any responses you wrote. The more proof and documentation you have the better off you are.
And finally and most important, put in a stimpulation that there will be no going back to court to adjust the child support for x years (usually it is 2-3 years). That way you get a reprieve.
But I can't stress enough to document any conversation or communication that you have. The best thing to do is to communicate through written e-mails that way you have proof in her own writting.
My current husband did that to his ex-wife. He quit answering her phone calls. She would leave nasty e-mails on our voicemail that we would play back into the computer microphone and record them and burn them to a CD to give to the judge. But my husband did that to force her into communicating via e-mail and we were able to get her busted on a lot of things. So the judge wasnt to sympathic to her.
Good luck. - You also need to carry a tape recorder (tape, not digital) with you everywhere. Get in the habit of noting where you are and who you're with. keep a diary of all contacts with your ex.
The next time you're in court, request a third party place to facilitate your child exchanges, so you're not seeing her in public. Insist that she demonstrate the ability to pay her own bills, hold a job. Insist that she not have unmarried men overnight. Counter sue for custody. - ll exes are crazy, particularly if they're the mothers of your children. the unfortunate part is that they never seem to die
- The worst thing your gf can do now is leave. That will give your ex more power bc she will see it as victory. I once was the "gf" and now I am the wife; and no ex will EVER come between the relationship I have with my husband (and the ex is beginning to realize that also) She is miserable. If she wasn't, she would not behaving like this. Prayer works though, let me assure you. God can take care of things that I never would have fathomed; and He will! Good luck to you...
Sane Second Wife in South Arkansas.......... - I would recommend that you research "Cognitive Distortions" and "Personality Disorders". Also look into "Dealing With A Narcissistic Woman" and "Emotional Addiction". Good luck because I have been dealing with a psychotic ex-wife who has been diagnosed by a professional expert psychologist. The problem is though she will not recognize her own personal issues and is in denial. You can also try the absolute NO CONTACT cardinal rule. I have 2 sons with her and I try this to the best that I can.
Calgary, Alberta, C - check the link section at
http://www.thehappymisogynist.com
There are ways to deal with your ex. It is not simple because as a man the system is against you, but it can be done if you are willing to fight.
If your new girl is worth keeping, shw will stand by your side during this. - I'm the current g/f in a relationship with a wonderful man with a crazy ex-wife that is demanding more money for child support even though she works and makes more money than he does now. He's retired and they have a 15 year old together. Yes. she was 13 years younger than he was and she was wife #2. His only child. To make matters worse, daughter doesn't want to have anything to do with the Father and he tries every weekend to see her because of the court ordered visitation. Sometimes the daughter is there, 90% of the time she is not and the ex-wife is not helping matters. This is frustrating him to no end. It almost seems as though she thrives on the drama she creates and needs the connection with him even though she asked for the divorce. They are both manipulating him with guilt. I'm divorced and I didn't contact my ex with demands. I moved on and made my own life. Wish this woman could do the same so we could move on with ours. I feel like I'm in a threesome!
- Most all women that were controlling during the relationship are cunts to deal with once apart-especially with kids. They seem to think they can dictate everything. Guess what, deal with them like it is your business, don't tell them anything about you personally, new girlfriends, whatever, only tell them what you would say to a person you are doing business with..You wouldn't tell s business associate how they are pissing you off, or problems you have. Don't tell the b++tch anything. Only speak about the kids and put them first, we don't care about her problems and how much she wants to get even with you because she can't stand that you have a new girlfriend. To bad bit+h DEAL WITH IT! I know what your girlfriend is going through, but it isn't right for her to put pressure on you! She is either in it for the long haul or she isn't, she better decide now.
- I'm in the shoes of your girlfriend. My husbands ex is completely insane and does the same plus she calls constantly, complains about her life to my husband, etc.
The best thing I can suggest is to get an attorney and go to court. As them to limit contact between the two of you, set an amount of child support, and make it so that, unless there is an extreme change of circumstance, she cannot take you to court to change it.
You could also try mediation. - Good Luck with that because my husband and I have been dealing with is ex for 3 years.. and if shes really crazy, she wont EVER give up. We have tried everything..court, tape recorders, documentation, and it never gets us anywhere. My husband has just simply quit answering her calls and refuses to have any communication with her besides voicemail. She got an EPO on him stating he had threatened her when they made the drop off with the kids..she had to no proof, no nothing and the courts almost made it a DVO until my husband told her that if he got a DVO he would probably lose his job of 10 years, and that she wouldnt get a dime in child support because he would gladly sit in jail.. all of a sudden she decided to drop the DVO. Good Luck, and I hope your g/f is a strong person because its for the dogs. I love my husband and I figured things would eventually settle down, but if I knew then what I know now.. I wouldnt have entered into this relationship in the first place. TOO MUCH DRAMA FOR ME!
- Give the whore nothing! Make every day a living hell for her. Psychological warfare until she falls apart, then go to court for full custody. Stop being a nice guy, because they finish last!
- I am seeing my boyfriend from 10 1/2 years ago. This time around is so much better...except for the fact that his soon to be ex-wife (divorce wll be final in about 6 months) does not want her daughter (yes, the child is not his (DNA) proved that), although he helped her raise the daughter and the girl calls him daddy)) to be anywhere near me. She is going so far as to attempt to make him choose between the daughter and me. He said he wants me, as he should have always been, and he wants to see the daughter, but he knows that the ex will make him choose and he does not feel that he should have to and he doesn't want to.
I told him that while she does not want him (which he totally agrees with), that she (meaning the soon to be ex) does not want anyone else to have him.
What I do not think is right is that she is hanging the daughter over his head. She knows he cares about the daughter and will not see the daughter without, and feels that as long as he is providing for the daughter that he should not have to deal with the soon to be ex and her threats of trying to take his house, and getting child support for a child that is not biologically his.
He fears any confrontations with her, because she had him arrested for assault, when that was not the case at all.
I know that part of the reason she is doing all this is to see how long I will stick around.
Sorry to tell her, I do not plan on going anywhere, and I will always stand by man. He loves me and I him and that is the way it is.
She has to learn to deal with the fact that just because he cares for the daughter does not mean that she has to be around for him to have a close relationship with the daughter.
I wish, oh I so wish, that the soon to be ex would just vanish! - Wow, reading all of these posts makes my situation a bit more acceptable. I don't have to like it, but at least I understand I am not alone. My divorce is not finished- the children's dad is a practicing alcoholic/drug addict. He had just been in treatment for the 4th time since he and I have been married. We have three young boys together. He pushed to file, so I got a lawyer to protect myself and my children. He said he was going to sign the papers, but now is contesting it. PRior to this, I began dating a man whose divorce is also not finished: he and his (still) wife have two girls together. They, too, cannot decide on factors to settle their divorce. He and I began as friends. I had a major issue with trust (for obvious reasons), yet I really began to trust him. Seemingly after earning my trust, he told me his "issues" with his wife were too much, and he wants to settle this first. I, of course, agreed. However, it was so disappointing that instead of maintaining a friendship with me, he has completely withdrawn from my life, yet he remains in contact with all of his other female friends. Honestly, I don't know who is the bigger psycho in this matter- him or her. or maybe I am just irriated with the entire situation.
- Document everything regarding these psychos. They are psychotic and unfortunatley if kids are involved, the kids are the ones who suffer in the end. If they loved their kids and you they would want to have a descent relationship with you and your new partner. Your current girlfriend should not let this mentally unstable looser interfere with your relationship. NOTE: All psycho's reading this, IF YOU LOVE THE CHILD STOP THE MADNESS AND SEEK HELP! Please the world does not need another messed up version of yourself annoying those who grew up in a caring/loving (HEALTHY) environment.
- I'm living with someone who has the most mentally unstable ex that lives and breathes manipulating and trying to destroy our relationship. They share a 4 year old together and after a year of custody battle things finally are settling down with visitation. One thing down. whew. but... now we have to allow her 3 nights during the week to skype the child while he is with us. During these sessions she goes out of her way to engage my ex in playing family games and taunting him with what she is up to. She talks through the child and continually tries to go down memory lane knowing I am in the room. He is a nice guy and tries not to be confrontational and keep peace with her but it is so hurtful to me and I don't feel he sticks up for me and respects me. I have been in this for a year already and thought he was someone worth fighting for. This B___H will never go away and is determined to destroy us. I'm so distraught and so tired and feel so alone. This is only a teeny piece of what I have been dealing with. Please does anyone have any advice or any "skype boundries" out there? Oh and this psycho and a domestic violence stay away and a restraining order. She is only to communicate about the child. Help, I'm miserable and super lonely in this equation. :(
- I think it's very funny you men forget that you took an oath to God, for better or worse. Not til susie so an so comes around an tells you the grass an her ass is better! Read the Bible- divorce IS allowed in rare instance but RE-MARRIAGE IS NOT for Exactly this reason. Maybe if so many weren't so quick to divorce for a new person then this could be avoided. Food for thought...sin gets you misery. And marriage partners aren't like cars, can't just trade em every 4yrs. cause u want a new shiny one an dont' wanna fix the old one. WAKE UP peoples!
- My ex is always trying for more money. Have two children, 15 and 17 - they are very troubled and have no coping skills. They have now put themselves into the same category as their mother "victim". Now I'm fighting three immature women who always want, it's never enough mentality. It is surely straining my relationship, phone calls, emails, texts to both gf and me. Never missed a CS payment, add extra for med. Do what I can to help with rides - when it is not my day. However, still not enough what to do? I want to just give up. Love the girls but they have become models of the mother. Suggestions?
- http://www.savethepsychoexwife.com/
The most genuinely helpful site on this very topic was The Psycho-exwife.com (still can be found in cache). The anonymous writer was ordered by a judge to take the site down, violating his 1st amendment rights. Check out the above. - you are all walking nutcases. Why don't i have any of these issues that you do? Maybe you should look at yourselves.
- My friend let me tell you what: My ex was getting between me and my girlfriend too and I had to man-up and ask myself some serious questions:
1. Would I let my ex get under my skin?
2. Do I really care what she thinks?
3. How is this affecting my girlfriend?
Once those questions were answered I decided to tell my girlfriend how I felt. Sounds like a bunch of touchy, feely crap, but remember you're talking to a woman here and the vast majority of them are more in touch with the emotional side than we are.
Anyway, I told her my fears regarding losing her....which made her love me more I believe....since it showed how much a value her.
But I also had to grow some balls and decide to let the ex go nuts, rant, drag my name through the mud or whatever, but be a big enough man to laugh it off.
I would suggest getting with all your friends and all the people that matter to you and letting them know what she is doing and how you're the victim. This will help her to lose credibility with all of them.
Be smart and be a man about it. Put your gf first and the ex dead last. - Here's one for y'all:
My crazy ex-wife will not allow the proceeds of the sale of the matrimonial home to go to either of us, she's insisting on a written agreement prior to the disbursement of funds, and she's dragging her heels on that... I'm completely baffled, she stands to gain nearly a 100K on her portion, yet she repeatedly stalls or avoids getting to the details of the wriiten agreement she's insisting on? She's completely bonkers!!!
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