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i cant stand her

me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 4 months . we get along great ,never fight about anything except his ex wife . He has been divorced for a about 6 months , and they have 3 year old twins together. I have met his kids and we get along fine . His ex calls him several times a day ,and he wont speak to her in front of me, he has keys to her home ,because he takes care of the kids while she is at work . he still goes to her family functions. I have repeated told him i wasnt comfortable with this and he keeps insisting theres nothing there just the kids. ( he left her after 2 years of marriage) I am also divorced for about 4 years and me and my ex have a civil relationship for my daughter. ( he does not have keys to my home , i changed the locks when we split ) i want to break up with my boyfriend because i feel its to much to swallow , but he says he loves me and makes it hard for me to walk away . AM I making to much of a big deal of this ? or is it me being insecure ? he wants us to move in together but i dont feel he has let go of his ex .

Posted 2 days ago

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Comments

  • Here is a guy's perspective for you. First of all, try to cut him a little slack.

    He will always have to deal with his ex because they have kids together. While you should respect his privacy while he is on the phone with her, I can see how it could make you suspicious.

    It seems like you both have "ok" relationships with your ex's. At least I didn't see you say they either of them are jerks and you seem to deal on a business level about the kids, which is how it should be.

    Are you completely excluded when he has interactions with her to pick up the kids or any other similar business? If so, then it is reasonable for you to feel a little insecure.

    My girlfriend has a great relationship with her ex-husband, and so do I. As a matter of fact, we all hang out together at times. Last night, my girlfriend and I had dinner with her ex-husband and his girlfriend, which all centered around a school event for their son.

    I think if the situation was where I was excluded whenever something was going on when she had to deal with her ex, then I might be a little suspicious, like you are.

    Try to be patient and work out a way where everyone can be comfortable.
    Posted 4 weeks ago
  • thank you for your insight , yes i do try to be understanding . i know she will always be in his life , but when he drops of the kids he drops me of in a parking lot so she wont see me . he refuses to tell her that im around the kids .Because shes a bitch and she'll give him a hard time .{his words not mine} i have spoken to him and told him i will not take care of the kids anymore till he tells her i am around them .
    Posted 1 month ago
  • I think that is reasonable and fair of you. If he needs to pretend you don't exist for the sake of dealing with the ex-wife, then you need to pretend you don't exist as far as taking care of his kids. That is fair and it is incentive for your "invisibility" to be a temporary situation that needs to change in the future.

    I can understand where he is coming from too. On the one hand, as I said above, my GF has a great relationship with her ex, and that nicely transferred over to me having a good relationship with HER ex too.

    Unfortunately, the relationship with MY ex is the complete opposite. She is the epitome of the psycho ex-wife. A previous GF and I broke up in great part because of my ex-wife being out of control and verbally attacking her and talking bad about her in front of the kids.

    Because of that, I "hide" my current GF from the insane bitch.

    So, again I think your feelings are justified, but I also understand why your boyfriend is being like this. He is just trying to keep a little peace in your lives.

    If you really love and want to stay with him, try to realize that there may always be some difficulties like this that you need to learn to deal with. He cannot control her, so he is trying to manage the situation in the best way possible.
    Posted 1 month ago
  • you are right that i have to deal with ,i knew what i was getting myself into with a divorced man , yhere would be baggage , i just didnt think so much. Its just soooo hard for me to deal with that how shes feels is so much more important than how i feel. [ it doesnt feel so good to be left in a parking lot ].I dont have these issues with my ex . he is not important to me , that is why he is my ex .I would never put my ex before my boyfriend , i really dont care what he thinks.He is my past , not my future . I am good to his kids and they like me alot ,it hurts to be the "BIG SECERT' . I feel she still controls his life by making him hide the one he loves if he really does , and let her deal with the fact hes not her husband any more .Yes its selfish of me , BUT WHY do we get diviorced ?. TO move on with our lives and try to find happiness, not to have that person keep controling our lives .
    Posted 2 months ago
  • yea....or he could be hiding you cuz he's secretly pretending to work shit out with the "ex".....been there...done that.
    Posted 4 weeks ago

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