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Ex husband wants to see kids with his other woman

Hi, I live in England. I have separated from my husband of 20 years and am divorcing him for adultery. He has visited our two daughters for half an hour each week (he works in the town we live, but lives with his new woman 70 miles away).

He now states he wants to have our daughters staying over at his house (which is his new womans home). I don't deny him access whatsoever, he could take them out alone, but I don't like the thought of our daughters with the woman who split the family up. Our youngest daughter is 7 and she doesn't know that her dad has left for another woman as I've tried to shield her from the nasty bits. Our 14 year old does know and doesn't agree with what her dad has done.

Has anyone been through this (not sure if the laws are different between USA and Britain?) I haven't denied HIM access, but can I deny HER access?

Our daughters don't want to stay over, but would if their dad lived alone - or saw them on his own. They have not expressed this to their dad yet, as it's the early stages, he is now seeking solicitors/courts as he states that he wants his new woman to see the girls too......I am also seeing my solicitor this week, but in the meantime wondered if anyone else had been through this and how it all worked out?

Thanks for any advice.

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Comments

  • First of all, he is their father and he needs to see the kids. Period. Too bad about your bitterness and self-centered nature.

    You have poisoned your daughters against their dad because you are not happy that he found someone else and no longer cares about you. That has ZERO to do with the kids.
  • I guess that will be up to the courts to determine this. Not sure what the familaw in Britain states, but here in Canada you cannot prevent him from seeing them even with the new woman if that is in the divorce decree.

    Although you state you do not want her to see them, but if you where to move in with a new boyfriend and or get remarried, what about your situation if does not want him to be with the children.

    Hope it works to your satisfaction, all the best.

    Luc
  • How sad that you have allowed your 14 yr old to "know" from YOUR view why her dad left...I hope that the pleasure you received from having your 14 yr old on "your" side is enough to get her through her own life...as she will no longer trust men, etc...because her mother decided her own well being and getting even with the ex was worth more than her child's state of mind...
  • You should get over it. Seeing his woman isn't going to hurt the girls. Plus your girls have expressed a desire not to stay over because that is what they think you want.

    What happened to you isn't very nice, but if you weren't sleeping with him then what does it matter if he was fucking someone else?

    Maybe that's not the point but this is Exrants so I thought I'd throw that out there.

    Let the girls stay with their father. Make sure they all understand why you broke up, but don't try to sabotage the relationship because he's with someone else.

    What you are contemplating is controlling his relationships and using your kids to do it.

    Believe me this if you disbelieve everything else I have told you---If you poison their relationship with their father, if you put your daughters in the middle of your squabbles with the women in his life you will destroy your daughters' self-esteem. Eventually they will either hate you or their father and when they realize they have done that they will hate themselves. I know because that's what happened to me.

    And when they get old enough to understand everything they will realize it is you who they should hate. I haven't spoken to my mother in 5 years because of this same thing.
  • This is a delicate topic but lets be honest - it takes 2 to tango, so might as well stop loading all the blame on the gal, ex had some say in the matter didn't he? So why single her out for exclusion?

    1) kids need the dad - and that comes with the new lady. Dad should be think hard about re-introducing kids to another failed relationship.
    2) Think ahead a bit - keep the nasty bits to yourself. What if he lives with her for the rest of your life - are you going to ignore her for ever? You may as well begin a friendship with her - especially if she ends up co-parenting your girls.

    Also. you have some of the blame in marriage breakdown as well - sorry, something wasn't working between you. As your kids were not part of the adult sex adventure - it shouldn't really be there concern.
  • I love how everybody here is so quick to defend this creepy pair. My grandfather was that man and it ruined our family. His new woman treated his children and grandchildren so badly it impaired his relationships for the rest of his life. My grandmother never shielded them from this selfish poisonous woman, she just wanted her kids to have a dad. you are their mother if there's a reason to be suspicious of her- trust your gut, shes a selfish home wrecker, already down at least 1 strike in my book. Good women don't go after married men. And yes kids don't have to be poisoned against anybody to not want to see the other woman, when my own parents divorced i didn't want to go over to her house either- and she did nothing wrong, i just wasn't ready or comfortable with it. Thankfully i wasn't forced against my will (and i was your daughters age) to go. after i got to know her we were fine, actually i still talk to the woman even though her relationship with my father tanked.
  • when i was a kid my parents split up for the same shit, my dad cheated on my mom and moved in the lady (and just for the record karmas a bitch a few years later she was cheating on him too and left him for a new guy). I didnt know at first she was the home wrecker, but it didnt stop her from being a vindictive bitch who talked shit about my mom to me. she always tried to turn me against her and got me all upset. a good parent will try to shield that from their kids, so in the perspective of someone who was in the kids shoes, i'd say keep her away from the
  • I am absolutely horrified at all the nasty comments to this poor lady.
    She has every right not to want her children to be round the selfish, immoral woman who broke up her family.
    Yes, her husband is selfish and immoral too but unfortunately he is their father. The other woman is not their mother and she is as bad as her illicit lover as she must have known he was married with children.
    The children do not HAVE to see their father with the other woman and if he wnts to see the children he should do soalone, so that he can concentrate on the children, not so that he can canoodle and play happy families with his lowlife new partner in front of the children
    My sympathies are with the originl poster. The nasty replies are clearly from selfish thieving amoral people who have probably invaded other people's marriages.
  • am the other woman in a partbership an am treated like a leaper buy my partenars family we have been together for two years i know how wrong falling in love with a married man my partener sees his kids 3 times a week an this is having a big impact on his finances as he has to go out all the time but is now being accused off spoiling the kids an making them badly behaved he wonts to bring the kids home an i am moe than happy for this an have allso offered to be out when he brings the kids to the house wr have brought together but his yongest son {13} says he has been told by his older sibling thet he will hurt mum an they wont talk to him though he would like to come an spend normal time with his dad i think its sad that people cant move on esspecily as hib wife has a new partener an he spends time in the family home with all the kids7
  • This lady asked for advice...not critisism! I know exactly how you feel honey. The only advice I can give is the same advice someone gave me.....think to yourself..wouldn't you rather your kids had a "step-mum" that actually wants to be involved with your kids (and treat them well) than someone who couldn't care less about them (and treat them like crap). You're hurting and of course you are worrying about your girls. There are some things in life that you can't protect them from...and this is one of them :-) All the best
  • I am in this situation, except I am the other woman. I think you need to let it go. I didn't know my husband was married when we were married and now his ex punishes him by not letting him see the kids. This only hurts the kids, they need their father. The other woman is now part of the father's life and although its sad and wrong what he did it doesn't change the situation. It was your husband who cheated you in the relationship not the other woman.
  • I disagree with you. I am so tired of ex wives who feel that they have a continual say so in what and who their EX HUSBANDS date or marry..even if it is a woman that he choose over you. Life happens but he is the father of the children and both of you probably wish you could disconnect from each other but you cant for a little longer. Let the man have a relationship with his daughters and allow them to get to know his new person on thier own terms..you never know what can happen to you and wouldn't it be nice to know your girls are in the presence of someone that they connect with rather than hate?
  • bull shit....the kids won't care about anything but loving both their parents.....the rest is static and adult business that never needs to be shared with the kids....unless, of course, your an insecure hateful bitch!
  • The courts with talk to the children.

    It will be up to the children to decide what they want to do.

    One day they may not want to stay over a week later they might then they may change their mind in another month.

    Even if there is a court order. A child may change their mind.

    No one can 'drag' a child to stay somewhere if they refuse to go.


  • Some of the comments posted above are so ridiculous! At the end of the day the lady is trying to protect her kids, as a mum that is the only thing she can try to do. She is not stopping the kids from seeing their dad, all she is doing is making sure the time spent with their dad is quality time. I think unless the kids ask to see the other women, you do not have make them go. Just because the marriage did not work out, doesn't mean its her fault, some men stray for excitement and thrill. He should have tried more at home and thought of the kids as well as his wife.

    I am not saying that kids should not see the other lover who contributed to the break up, but at the end of the day it should be about when the kids feel ready! Remember , its not about what the parents want anymore, its about the kids, i am with you, listen to them, guide and help them and protect them. I think you are wise not to lie to your daughter, you have not done anything wrong other than to get caught up in this mess. Others who are so quick to judge, are either the other woman or they have never been through it.

    In all the break up, it the kids that always seem to get forgotton. What parents want they feel they should get because they are the parent, you had your kids, to love, care and cheerish them, listen to them and protect them. They have a voice so listen - its about the kids now.

    Good luck, times are hard, but in time things will settle. You seem like a strong mum, who needs credit for bringing her kids up alone whilst tring to maintain a relationship with the dad. Dont let the nasty comments worry you, they are not living in your shoes.

  • SHE didn't break up the home, the previously married pair did. You can't bring down a marital home that isn't solid. The children should be her primary interest, not revenge. If she has no "dirrt" on this other woman that serves to prove she will harm the children, then she is harming them by causing this mess.
  • don't give a shit who cheated on who - you were married and it didn't work - for God's sake and the sake of the children that were created -
    LOVE YOUR CHILDREN MORE THAN YOU HATE YOUR EX!!!!!!!!

    no - cheating is not right!!!! conversely, bitterness and vindictiveness is not right!!!!!!!
    i am on the children's side and NO adult will ever convince me a child does not need a father and a mother. families break-up everyday and the reasons are complicated and emotional and RARELY is there a truly innocent party other than the children. IT IS EVERY CHILD'S GOD GIVEN RIGHT TO HAVE THE FREEDOM TO LOVE THEIR MOTHER AND FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU CAN'T GIVE YOUR CHILDREN THAT RIGHT AND LET THEM WRITE THEIR OWN BOOK AND FILL IN PAGES WITH THEIR OWN EXPERIENCES WITHOUT YOUR INFLUENCE, MAY GOD HELP YOU - YOU HAVE COMMITTED THE ULTIMATE SIN - YOU USED YOUR CHILDREN TO GET EVEN - THAT MAKES ADULTERY LOOK LIKE CHILD'S PLAY. AND - how can you absolve yourself from any responsibility for the dissolution of your marriage? Were you there? were you breathing? if the answer is yes, - then there is 20 years of history between 2 adults and I am not naive enough to believe that you hold no culpability for the break-up but if it makes you feel better, go ahead and keep trying to convince me.
  • ll i see is a jealous woman bitter by the father NOT wanting to be with said woman.personally this bitter womans problem is jealousy? anyone who stops their father from seeing children because of the father wanting to be with someone else is just plain sick.you should never stop a child seeing the father/staying with father on visitation.he ahs every right to see his child no matter what your problem is.get over it and stop punishing your child for your own freaky and i add " weird " ways.get a damn grip.who ever told me woman mature 7 years before men are seriously messed up and only meant in body no doubt.grow up move on and stopbeing such a dick
    i wont waste my time with hatred wannabe's.bye
  • I agree with you...am sorry but a woman that breaks up a home doesnt have any rights in my book. Am sure she knew he was married and didnt care so why should the wife care about her feelings? As long as the kids are involved with their father its fine thats still their father but she doesnt have to allow them to be involved with the other woman...he wanted to be involved with his kids all the time he should of stayed with his wife. When you leave your family there are prices to pay and thats one of them. i am involved with my husbands kids, but I was in no way responsible for his families break up as they were separated before I was involved with him so its a very different situation. She has a right to feel how she feels...see if he had left first and then later on got involved it would be different, but he left his wife for another woman so the daughters will know that sooner or later and wont care as to the why they will just care that it happened.
  • I say she should never let him see the kids, EVER! That's my opinio
  • was the other woman and now the step mom.... You need to talk to your ex, let him know your concerns (email if talking does't work) about the new womans influence on kids, maybe get kids together to explain new living arrangements and let them know it is ok to meet the woman and get to know her, however it is up to them to develop an opinion of her. This is life. It sucks for you and I'm sorry but this is life. This woman could be around for a very long time and if you want to keep yourself on the outside and pretend she doesn't exist or have an influence on them than you will be left out. You don't want that. You don't have to like her but you should allow your children to form their own opinions and not make them feel guilty if the end up liking her.She will not replace you ever and odds are she won't want to. I love my step children but they are not mine, nothing like me. I have no desire to be their mother. You have to step outside of the pain and look at the future. Your girls will be women one day, wives, mothers..... they need the tools to develop loving, respectful relationships and anger, control and resentment are not helpful. You state that "she" broke up your marriage but do you really believe that. Your poor defenseless husband was under a spell, kidnapped at gunpoint? He made the commitment to you and your family and he broke it not her. She was selfish and acted inapropriately no doubt she guilts herself. Your marriage broke up. period. Now what are you going to do? Move on, be a great mom, support your kids and a relationship with their father, realize you cannot dictate his parenting. just my 2 cents
  • Hi, please don't listen to ordinary folk, no matter how well meaning they are. GET GOOD LEGAL ADVICE ASAP.
    You have to make up your mind to be mentally tough about this. And do read up on the law yourself so you know all the options and if you're of limited means run your imformed ideas past one of those free community legal advice places to hone your strategy before seeing a solicitor.
    If your current solicitor seems to be too concilitary, ditch them and get a hard-arse solicitor.
    You also need to bear in mind that if this matter reaches court, the court will decide according to "the interests of the children" rather than your wishes so maybe better to hang tough and get a proper written agreement in your favour.
    Good luck.
  • fuck what is legally right......what about morally right???????? it is immoral to use children as weapons and to poison them against a parent - period. Thou shalt honor thy Father and thy Mother.......simple really.......fuck this bitter, jealous, controlling, BITCH!!!!!! she needs to do her kids a favor and end it so they can live their lives without babysitting their immature, childish mother........
  • My husband cheated on me, so I kicked his sorry ass to the curb and he moved in with the other woman. Six weeks after we separated, he decided it would be a good idea for our two children to hang out with his new girlfriend and her three sons! When I asked him why he did it, he replied, "What does it matter?" Now my children cry themselves to sleep and ask me questions like "Is daddy's girlfriend better than us? Is that why he left us? Does he love her kids more than he loves us?"

    I don't have to worry about him taking the kids over there anymore because he has abandoned them. He hasn't taken them for visitation in over four months. While you are trying to figure this out, just remember that men are selfish and incapable of putting anyone's needs above their own. They believe they have the right to do whatever the hell they want, and it is our job as mothers to protect our children from the pain of that. I wish you the best of luck.
  • the children need both parents - if both parents want a relationship....you stupid bitch, do you really believe that women love children more than men do?????define for me the exact role men play in protecting our children????? NONE??? go ahead and try to keep convincing me that men don't mean shit to their children.....men are human and make mistakes, just as women do, and the bad news for BITCHES is that children GROW UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe their father doesn't want to visit because dealing with their bitch ass mother is more painful to children than just letting it go for now???????????? they will grow up, you stupid bitch!!!!!!!!!!
  • You can't keep the kids from the seeing their father.
  • For the man who suffered as well as his child

    Point to him for the Blame
    but we wont play that game
    He carries enough guilt and pain
    that drives this woman he loves insane
    I have heard him speak of his demons, his past
    the shadow he has been forced to live is gone at last
    This man I will protect and defend
    I will not bend or pretend
    I love him no matter the cost
    This not all be lost
    He wont face this alone
    To you he needs not to atone
    He has enough regrets
    He never forgets
    He will face his fear
    I will always be near
    He hopes its not to late
    To start a clean slate
    To be the man whose child calls him Dad
    We don't want to fight or get mad
    For love is what we want to share
    For the chance to show how much we care
    With love as our sword, hope as our shield
    This time this father will not yield
    He never minded paying the support
    He never argued in court
    He should at least see his child
    Without a tongue going wild
    He cant make up for the past
    But he can forgive himself at last
    For the future holds his hope
    He will climb the slippery slope
    Because he wasn't the one who slammed the door
    He just didn't want to deal with you no more
    Because fighting doesn't do any of them any good
    That is what has been misunderstoo
  • What a beautiful poem and how true. May God Bless the Fathers of our children. May Mothers who vilify the fathers of our children find the peace that their children so desperately need and yearn for. God Bless the innocent children who find themselves in the middle of a divorce- may God be with them and provide their little souls with peace and hope.
  • Personally, I understand where you're coming from BUT only because I wouldn't want my children exposed to multiple relationships on either side, mine or his. Hence, limiting exposure until a commitment is made might fly with the courts. Another but, you can't keep them from seeing their father irregardless of the location just because he's moved on. Him breaking the family up was his choice, not hers.
  • Breaking up a family takes 2 people. The break-up was both of their choices. Remember, there is always 3 sides to every story - my side, your side and THE TRUTH. Don"t absolve the woman from any personal responsibility for the dissolution of the marriage. Only the children are absolved.
  • You may be able to get the court to specify in the visitation orders - that the Other Women not be present during his visits with the kids.

    I have seen it done many times. Hang in there and don't listen to the NASTY people on this site.
  • sty people???????? fuck you !!!!!! man hater bitch!!!!
  • Wow!! How someone can even begin to understand this who hasn't had to deal with this is impossible. The woman hater on here cracks me up. When the man cheats, the wife is to blame?? That is just crazy. My ex is with the whore he cheated on me with, my kids know and it isn't from my doing, they lived in the house with us when it all came out and they are able to hear and see. They are 16, 13 and 10 not infants!! They have feelings and they are entitled to them. Also, most states in America have a "morality clause" in a divorce that states the parent cannot have anyone of the opposite sex stay overnight while the children are present in the home unless they are married to or blood related to the parent who has visitation of the child. So, you kids couldn't go stay overnight at girlfriends house even if he wanted them too. Kids are smart and they know what is going on or will figure it all out one day. My daughter is begging and begging her Dad to just love and pay attention to her while she visits him, she does not want to meet the other woman and all he says is that it hurts HIS feeling she doesn't want to meet her, he doesn't even recogonize his child's feeling and what she wants, it is all about him!! Those Dad's don't deserve their kids, this is a child and they come first!! Men and woman do this!! The woman my ex is with gave up custody of her only son to be with my married at the time, living with me, loving me, husband. Now, she is Ms wonderful and he thinks she is just a great person!! Amazing!!

  • to the above comment - you are a jealous bitch who lost her man. your children are nothing more than objects to manipulate and use to hurt your husband with. you might fool yourself into thinking something different, but trust me, you will not fool your children in the end. fuck you and all the other bitches that use children to exact revenge. my mother was you and may god have mercy on her tormented soul. all i ever wanted was my mom and my DAD. fuck you.........you are a jealous insecure woman who is another statistic. I hope she was a thousand time more beautiful than you from the INSIDE OUT!!!!!! YOUR HUSBAND PROBABLY DESERVED A BETTER WOMAN THAN YOU JUST AS YOUR CHILDREN DID. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!
  • I don't think you are poisoning your children. I'm going through the same problem myself and my children are 7 and 8. If they don't want to see the other woman that's fine. Why push them? Only because they are children they don't have a say? That's where I disagree! They do have a right to say how they feel. What upsets my kids is that he only sees them for ten minutes. I know he's lives with his mistress. But it sucks because the other woman wants to pull away my kids from my ex. I know all this because the other woman usually calls my ex mom in law to fight with her.I think that's is painful because the man doesn't have the nerve to defend his children who came first in his life. I don't even bother to talk to him or see him stupid face because people tend to automatically assume that woman poison their children minds with hate after the divorce. It hurts to see your children suffer and its our job as mothers to defend them.
  • you C**t B**ch you have n right to dictate what your ex husband can or cannot do with the kids
  • Just off the f#ing whore. Then you don't have to worry about it anymore. Everyone else go to hell.
  • I so understand your situation. My kids however, chose not to see their father. It didn't help that the girl he married was the same age as our oldest son and she tried to be with him too. My ex married her after the divorce was final, My kids don't want anything to do with either of them. I'm okay with that.
  • I have a 4yr old son and been seperated for 8 months. I've found out recently that my husband has been living with the woman that he cheated with for months now, while making me believe that we are working on our marriage. He claims he was doing what he thought best for everyone. Cause he feared that I will take our son away from him. During this time, my son had visitation with him and I did not know that she was there! Now that I've found out, I've asked him to finalise the divorce and I've not allowed my son to go to his place because she is still living there. They've already had a breakup where he threw her out and now they are back together. I am sorry for those people that feel that US women are USING our kids. It is the hardest thing to do, not think of yourself and your hurt during this time. I DO NOT want my son to get attached, while I KNOW for a fact that he is still lying to her about why we are still married. So as a mother do you allow the father to emotionally abuse your child??? If he was molesting him, would people still be shouting, he's the father, he has rights. My son is only 4, this is the only way I know how to protect him.
    All this lady and me is asking OUR husbands to do, is to put their CHILDREN first for once. We are not keeping their dads away, he is free to come as often as he likes, but MY husband just told me that he will not drag his ass to my house night after night. So there you go. We are protecting our kids emotionally, if HE wanted to be a father, he would make his SON a priority and not the other woman.
  • children grow up....you women that are not encouraging a relationship between the children and fathers and claim you are protecting them from emotional abuse is absurd. Women that don't encourage a loving relationship with both parents are the abusers and the children will figure that out in the end - I am that child - children have the right to love both parents without influence from either parent. Your not protecting your children- your massaging your own ego.
  • fuck off all you man hating bitches! your probably all ugly and fat - let yourself go and that's why you lost your man.
  • Men who commit adultery and then leave their families to pick up the painful pieces are an abomination to God. Adultery is sin.These people are immoral....father or not.Yes...bad people. The only ones that benefited from their deceit and shameful choices were him and the whore he puts ahead of his wife. Parenthood according to the Lord is a gift,honor and responsibility, Not a right.If a man wants to father his children...let him do it with true sacrificial love like he is called to. If he choses lust and self indulgence over this responsibility.... the children will be more hurt by his presence in their lives than his "death". Because he is spiritually dead will living in unrepentant sin anyway. According to the Lord...unrepentant sin leads to hell. By the way....repent means to stop and turnaround.c
  • IN RESPONSE TO THE ABOVE COMMENT - YOU SEEK TO USE THE LORD TO MAKE RIGHT YOUR SICK THINKING. YOU HAVE ASSIGNED YOURSELF TO BE THE ANGEL OF ABSOLUTION. JESUS WAS CRUCIFIED FOR ALL SIN. MIGHT I REMIND YOU THAT SIN IS SIN AND IS NOT MEASURED IN THE EYES OF THE LORD. ALL SIN IS ABHORRENT TO OUR LORD. THEREFORE LET HE WHO HAS NOT SINNED CAST THE FIRST STONE. YOU ARE WHAT IS CALLED A LIP SERVICE CHRISTIAN. RATHER THAN PRAY FOR SINNERS, YOU SEEK TO JUDGE AND PUNISH. QUICK TO RECOGNIZE AND PENALIZE THE SINS OF OTHERS, YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO USE YOUR CHILDREN TO PUNISH THE ADULTERER. THE BIBLE IS CLEAR, YOU ARE NOT GOD, YOU ARE CHARGED WITH PRAY - GOD IS CHARGED WITH JUDGMENT AND PUNISHMENT. MIGHT I REMIND YOU THAT IT IS EVERY CHILD'S GOD GIVEN RIGHT TO HAVE THE FREEDOM TO LOVE BOTH PARENTS WITHOUT INFLUENCE FROM EITHER PARENT. THE LORD HAS COMMANDED EACH OF US TO HONOR OUR FATHER AND MOTHER. THAT COMMANDMENT IS NOT OPEN TO INTERPRETATION, IT DOES NOT HAVE THE WORDS "ONLY IF" IN THE COMMANDMENT. YOU HAVE PERVERTED THE WORD OF GOD AND THE TRUE SPIRIT OF HIS WORD. I AM GOING TO PRAY FOR YOUR CHILDREN, YOU, AND THEIR FATHER. I WILL PRAY FOR PEACE, FORGIVENESS, AND UNDERSTANDING FOR EACH OF YOU. I WILL ALSO PRAY THAT YOU GIVE YOUR ANGER, PAIN, DISAPPOINTMENT, VENGEANCE, AND HATE (EMOTIONAL STAPLES OF THE DEVIL) TO GOD. THESE FEELINGS WILL DEVOUR YOUR SPIRIT AND CREATE SITUATIONS THAT WILL BE REGRETTED IN THE END. LET THE LORD CARRY YOUR BURDEN MY CHRISTIAN SISTER. I ALWAYS TELL MYSELF THAT I DON'T NEED TO WASTE MY TIME WORRYING ABOUT THE SINS OF OTHERS, I HAVE ENOUGH SIN OF MY OWN - I AM NOT WORTHY OF CASTING A STONE - I FALL SO SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD. THERE IS NOT A PERSON WALKING THE FACE OF THE EARTH WHO HAS NOT BEEN SINNED AGAINST, IT'S PART OF LIVING. PICK YOURSELF UP AND LIVE AGAIN, DON'T LET THE EMOTIONAL STAPLES OF THE DEVIL RUIN THE REST OF YOUR LIFE AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, CAUSE YOU TO INFLICT PAIN ON YOUR INNOCENT CHILDREN. LET IT GO AND GO ON.
  • I agree with the above, we all must be careful not to judge others. Pray is ALWAYS in everyone's best interest, Our Lord will have the FINAL say in all we do
  • I understand that you are hurt. most Men will, however this does not give you the right to end their relationship with their father. As a mother you should do the right thing. encourage a relationship with the other woman for several reasons. 1. is if they stay together , whether you like it or not you will have to co-parent with them. 2. if they dont work out, you have taught your children that relationships sometime dont work out , but a parents love is never questioned. 3. and most important, is the Lord said Honor thy Mother and Father... end of statement. we need to show kids of these days, to be kind , forgive, and love all people..



  • She is the soon to be, or the step mother
    the kids need to know her. You need to move on, and trust me the step father will have him feeling the same way.
  • I totally agree with the above. The Lord will punish and judge. We need to pray for the children. We need to give our heartache and pain to the Lord. I absolutely agree with the statement above - Anger, Pain, Disappointment, Vengeance, and Jealously ARE STAPLES OF THE DEVIL. When we nurse these feelings, we fuel evil in all we do. God has commanded us to pray for those who sin against us and leave judgment and punishment to him. Perverting The Word of God is common place and fuels evil. The spirit of his word of His Word is, and will always be, forgiveness, as he sent his ONLY SON do die for All Sin and we ALL have the opportunity to repent of sin. Unfortunately, we cannot make other people repent on our time schedule and our own selfish needs. This doesn't mean that someone who has sinned against us will not repent, it simply means the likelihood of repentance when we need it is small. They repentance (no matter the time) is always celebrated by our Lord and ALL Christians know this down deep in their hearts and soul. May God Bless all the children and their parents and I shall pray for all.
  • Children are not weapons. Parental report cards are delivered by adult children. Ask yourself how your children will receive your actions today when they are adults. Unfortunately, some people will never get it. These people live on ANGER, PAIN, DISAPPOINTMENT, VENGEANCE, JEALOUSY AND HATE (EMOTIONAL STAPLES OF THE DEVIL). They run on devil juice and have no idea how to be happy and insist on making those around them (even their own children) just as miserable as they are. All we can do for these people is pray that one day they do wake up and get it. Life with the devil is lonely and desperate - how sad.
  • don't think you were wrong in having your eldest daughter know about what really happened. i completely disagree with people who have said that is just you trying to turn them against their father. bullshit. this grown man made decisions that lead to the break up of his own family; so this grown man should have been prepared for his daughters to know what he was doing. if he did commited adultry shamelessly, he can damn well ADmit it.

    if every man in the world would imagine what the important females in their life would think of what they're doing while they were doing it, there wouldn't be so many broken hearts or broken families.
  • To the above comment – Both the man and the woman are culpable in the break-up of the marriage. Only the children are absolved – neither MAN nor WOMAN are guiltless. Few men run around on their wives for no reason. Conversely, few women run around on their husbands for no reason – some do – but MOST do not. The reasons for BOTH sexes have absolutely NOTHING to do with the children, regardless of their age. ANY involvement of children, regardless of age, is wrong and immature. GROW UP!!!!
  • Oh dear, there seem to be some seriously uneducated people on here, resorting to swearing and name calling... This woman has committed no crime and does not deserve abuse. She is simply asking for advice. If you cannot be constructive, then do not post. It's as simple as that. Whatever happened to compassion?
  • Your on EXRANTS.COM - DUMB ASS - If you want nice then get the fuck off this website.
  • I personally wouldn't allow my kids to be exposed to multiple relationships. But if your EX husband makes a effort and he takes responsibilty to visit the kids then it shouldn't be a problem. It's sad when the visit is just a privilege to the kids. Let your kids decide if they want to get to know the other woman or not. Don't decide for them, don't get yourself involved in your EX's new relationship. He's got a personal life now. If you are still bitter and you believe that you have done nothing wrong for your marriage to end then let karma take care of him. Open your heart but set reasonable boundries too. Good luck and I hope ya'll find an amicably way to deal with the situation.
  • I agree everyone should know both parents, only if both are worthy of being parents and show love and protection. In cases where there is abuse no child should ever be forced to see a parent no matter if its mother or father. If you really feel your kids are at risk do everthing in you power to stop contact!!! I did but the law is shit and doesn't protect your kids from this. Just make sure you are stopping contact for the right and honest reasons. Either way the system will allow contact but only you will know if what you have done is for the best!
  • If the law did not find abuse then there was none. Don't believe everything you think - just because you speak it does NOT make it a reality. Too many borderline (it's a serious personality disorder) women make false allegations against their X's. Do not take these women at face value - they are vicious, vindictive and use children to exact revenge. False allegations are the atomic bomb in custody battles. Parental alienation is also very common with these very sick women. NEVER CONFUSE CONTROL WITH CONCERN!!! Perhaps your kids need to be protected from you and while you were in the process of exacting revenge they were in fact being protected from the WRONG parent. I bet money you suffer from borderline personality disorder. Of course you won't admit it - that's part of the disorder - you can do no wrong.
  • I agree that woman can use false allegations of sexual abuse to be vindictive. Look up S.A.I.D.Syndrome on the internet. These women are more common than you think and it is the ULTIMATE betrayal of a child's trust - Mommy USES me to get back at Daddy. Did you ask your child over and over to admit that there was something "going on" between Daddy and child? When child told you "NO", did you persist? How S.A.I.D.!! LOOK IT UP - S.A.I.D.
  • Children grow up and see the true nature of both parents. Try to poison a child against one parent and you will surely be lonely and forever jealous of the parent you tried to poison your children against.
  • First off F*** these losers on here. They're probably all pathetic douchbag men who cheat anyway. Secondly, don't worry about shielding your girls from the other woman. When they're older they'll figure out what went on and hate their dad all on their own. I'm living proof of that!
  • I am the other woman and I'm living proof that your wrong. The children have turned on their Mother.
    Your man left you for a reason and children will figure that out on their own. So sorry for your ego crushing blow of being kicked to the curb for your bad behavior. LOOK IN THE MIRROR!!!!
    Before embarking on a journey of revenge, dig two graves. You might win the battle today but you will loose the war - kiss your children good-bye.
  • lady, i live in the uk and have been though it. If you have 'genuine'concerns then tell your solicitor, do not back down. You have the ability to drag this on for months or years and by that time they'll probably have split up. I did the right thing, never told the kids anything or stop them from meeting the new women and 12 years on it has all been stupid. They think he is great even when he is a shit to us, kids are kids and your job is too protect them. Keep them with you and away from possible short term women.
  • Your are pathetic - " You have the ability to drag this on for months or years and by that time they'll probably have split up." Tell me your kidding???? Are you really that desperate? Get on with your life or are you too fucking ugly to get another man? You sound like a bitch - let me give YOU a piece of free advice - a woman can get away with being a bitch or ugly but NEVER BOTH!!!!!!
  • Some people on here should be thorougly ashamed of what they have written.

    To the lady in question - let the children go there. It will be them who decide in the end. It is painful and runs through your mind at 90 miles an hour most nights but it will soon go.

    I'm going through the exact same thing with mine right now. It hurts like hell and I have slipped up sometimes and said a little too much but children will make up their own minds.

    Good luck.
  • Ok first of all sweety, If i wear you i would ignore all the hateful an hurtful comments on here by ignorant an heartless people. I think if he cheated then that says a lot about his moral character no matter what your personal problems were with each other if he wasn't happy then he should have had the balls to tell you an he should have packed his things an left, like REAL men are suppose to do, furthermore if he is a cheater an she knew he was married then i wouldn't want my children (especially daughters) around someone like that to influence them or to soften the fact that daddy is a whore, an for all of you who keep going on about kids need both parents no they don't my mother raised me an i am a succesfull well rounded individual,an sweety remember no other woman is going to treat your children like you do with the same love an understanding an you hear all the time about mental an physical abuse coming from abusive step parents an i think your doing the right thing weighing the options.keep ya head up hun:)
  • This board is crazy and it misses a fundamental point. Often, when a man and wife who are supposed to be ADULTS divorce, one or both of them have lapses in judgment. They bring hookers, whores, drug dealers, child abusers, and people of poor charachter into their childrens' lives. This is probably because divorce, by its nature, is a traumatizing event. Most people cannot deal with the stress that divorce brings and go haywire in their personal lives.

    This all begs the question: Why do step parents (people who are dragged into a child's life by a crazy divorcee) have rights to a child? They did not bear the child. They have NO ATTACHMENT to the child. Many would hurt the child if given the opportunity... either by ignoring them, making them feel inferior, or abuse.

    I am a firm proponent that step parents, whoever they be, have NO RIGHT OF VISITATION or to insert themselves into a child's life without the government's protection. I belive that ALL STEP PARENTS undergo a mandatory background check and psychological test in order to QUALIFY to have a relationship with the child.

    When adults go through a divorce, they get selfish. They only see the needs of their own sexual drives and want for companionship. They bring people into their lives with little or no thought to the consequence to the children. It's all about ME ME ME.

    Who still cares about the children of divorce? THE COURTS SHOULD, and the courts should put itself in the place of dictating who will provide the best interests for the child at all times. If kids live with Mom and mom brings in a "new man"... that person should be tested and screened.

    These foreigners, newcomers should have NO RIGHTS to a precious child. YOUR CHILD... most often than not step parents bring sadness, a sense of family fracture, and more trouble on your doorstep than they're worth.
  • wow the woman who has all the hateful things to say above and bad language obviously has been the other woman. What class you have! WOW! You have no idea what it is like on the otherside or how it is with the children. I feel for this woman as I am also in her shoes. You obviously don't have much of a vocabulary, or any sense of reality. You are a hateful, vindictive person. My guess is that you went after a married man and that you live in a trailer park! You should not be on this site or responding to these posts. Talk about insecure. If you are anything like the other woman that her kids don't want to be around....hummm I can tell why! And you definately don't deserve to be!
  • I would SUGGEST you self educate yourself really fast on PARENTAL ALIENATION SYNDROM before you loose your kids!!!! Wake up!
  • First off, if it was a happy marriage the guy wouldn't have been searching for happiness elsewhere. Sure, its not right how the marriage broke down, but changing your life is expensive, difficult and depressing.. people don't do it unless the alternative is worse. It's not a great ending, but everyone needs to look to the future and make the best of what life has to offer. No matter what the situation. That is the responsibility of the parents.

    Second.. yes, it's wrong to poison the kids. Some of the post go on about how wrong this is and the step mom will be evil like it was for them. But that's their situation, not this one. Every ex, mom, step mom is a unique person. Possibly this step mom is a wonderful caregiver and support. I don't see what is wrong with having as many people as possible love your kids. They don't need to know adult business. The healthiest thing for the children is to encourage a positive relationship with both parents.

    Third, if the people are actual mean or abusive, of course that changes the game. Mom's should want to know the new lady in their exes life for the right reason, not because of past adult messes. Love and relationships are dramatic and heated and crazy things can happen. People say and do things that are driven by heated emotion. That does not mean the father is a scum bag in general. It means it was a rough relationship road and lets all move on to build a healthier happier life for all.

    As long as the step mom respects the position of the mother, and general cares for the kids and is a good person to them.. Then there is nothing wrong.

    If the kids are being hurt, it's a whole different story.
  • PARENTAL ALIENATION is a much more cruel abuse of children than your husband cheating on you. Your children trust you, don't sin against them by trying to limit access with their Father. I know your angry but you must put the child's needs before your own. In the end, the kids will not care about the affair. They will only want a relationship with both parents - be a good parent and put your child before your anger.
  • I think you are in a very difficult situation. I do understand the pain you are going through as a mother. I do too believe in the children having a relationship with their father but I also believe that the other woman she respect the mother as it could be her some day in the same situation. The other woman needs to be patient and allow the children, the father and the mother to heal in time. I believe it will be better for all...as time can heal wounds.

    Another thing that I find troubling is the name calling and the disrespect of this mother who is asking for advice. The people shouting such anger at a person they do not know is unbelievable. I have no problem with a difference of opinion but to get respect one needs to respect.

    Some persons need to ask themselves why they are so charged and angry with a person that has not hurt or harmed them.

  • I just want to say I personally think its wrong to keep his kids away from him because you dont like the circumstances. There are many guys who dont care about there children who wouldnt even try to see his children yet this guy wants to be in his childrens lives I understand that your emotions are in this and you are most likely trying to piss him off or get even to some extent but I think it is wrong the kids love there father and are happy to be with him they dont care about another woman the 14 year old can form her own decision and when she is ready if she doesnt like what her dad did she can tell him but if the kids would like to spend a night with there father you should allow them too. You didnt have those children by yourself he was there for you for at least 20 year and with the kids as long as the have been alive so take some of that into account that you guys didnt always hate each other and try to come to some understanding.
  • Well I'm the other woman....his ex is a phyco....she got pregnant on pupose.....yhey were never married...she tried to entrap him.....she torments me every day of my life by saying this is his kid.....I married to my husband....and she tries to use her kid to get him back.....there is no proof its even my husbands.....she demands money....causes trouble..and has tried to run me over.....she pretends the kid is sick or makes up syories to get him to go ovet to her house.....I think if a woman wants to have a child....she should soley b responsible for it.....unless you were married at the time...too many woman r doing this to trap a man.......you want the kid pay urself......
  • Any woman who knowingly gets together with a man who is married is very immoral. No matter what the situation is. Once a woman finds out that the man she is seeing is still married and has children, she should leave him no matter what. Wether he tells you it's impossible to live with his wife and all. When a man starts cheating the first thing he tells the other woman is that life is hard living with his wife. THEY LIE!!!!! They will say anything to cheat. I assure you that before cheating their marriage was ok. Once he starts with the new woman the cycle will begin again. A man who cheats will never change. I don't understand why men don't think of how many lives they are destroying. I don't think she should let the girls go with the other woman. Why should the girls have anything to do with her. If he wants to see his girls, he should have thought of that before being a pig and cheating on his wife. No respect whatsoever for the other woman

  • hooray hooray it cant be the fault, not one or both or all3 ! just stop then pause at the other side, what a trick, a naughty tricky!
  • Well, I am in the same situation. My husband cheated and left me for this woman he was seeing while we were married. However we are divorced now and there is nothing I can do. I did however think he should have the decency to let me know he introduced her to our kids. He is so angry and bitter when he did it. I believe in God too and know this. Someone who acts like your husband is a lost soul and there is nothing you can do or say. Nothing will change him not even her. She is an Adulteress as well and those are their burdens not yours. I wouldn't expect you to be perfect or not say ugly things from time to time. You are only human. Just ask for forgiveness(including your kids) and they will see what a strong and wonderful mom you are. Remember just because he seems happy with this other woman he isn't. If you don't know Christ you don't know true love. I hope the best for you and your kids. I hope he gets saved and sees what he lost!!
  • To the idiot a few posts above who thinks unmarried mum's should solely be responsible for their kids upbringing, you are talking out of your arse!

    If a man doesn't want the responsibility of having children then he should wear something on the end of it!. You sound like so many other women who hate their partner's ex, this is only because you are JEALOUS that someone was there before you.

    Grow up!
  • What if my daughter sleeps over to my ex husbands house with his guy friend staying with him for awhile in a one bedroom apartment?
  • have been through this , i actually had my husband see his kids at his mothers so that the transitition was easier for them, the girlfriend bashed me , threatened me to my children and did so many horrible things to them and they never got to spend time with him at all they made up stories that i was poisioning my kids minds and turning them against them which was not true i just wanted them to spend time with their dad.And now at 16 and 17 the kids are sick of the lies, the empty promises and have no interest in seeing him because of what she has done to them guess it is the guilt the other woman and husband have that they constantly have to devert blame to someone else so they feel better but we know the truth and hold our heads up high , no one has the right to tell you how to feel as mothers we are just trying to protect our kids from the monsters my kids are now in counselling because of this bs that the courts spew about the father having rights to the kids, so i guess they also have the right to destroy their lives i don't think so.Get them into councelling so that you remove yourself for critisism and blame and let the kids have a voice they deserve to be healthy and happy and the harsh reality is maybe they don't really need a relationship with someone that couldn't show them respect and left them putting his own feelings before his childrens futures and well being.Best of Luck
  • I am the "other woman" also. They were separated when I started seeing him, but not divorced yet. We've been together one year and she still only lets him see his son 3 hours every 2 weeks. All because I'm with him.
    I love his son and find it sad that this woman directs all her bitterness at me. I was not the one who caused their relationship to end, it failed by their own doing.
    It's about the childs right to see his father, try to set your bitterness for the other woman to the side. Chances are she's just trying to love your children. She'll never replace you and isn't trying to.
    It's great to see you're a loving and protecting mother, it's time to show you can be strong also and leave the hurt behind you.
  • It is simple, when the daughters are able to fully understand how disrespectful dad was to them and their future they will Hate Dad. A man marries and has children to stay in the marriage not to go find a desperate women that is so lonely and evil that she is willing to leave children fatherless only cuz she is obsessed with a married guy. I agree with the mom. That is low of the father to do that to his own blood but Alot of males are all about themselves only
  • Fair or not, like it or not- He's with her now. There is a good chance he will marry her, so you need to let the kids meet her, regardless of your feelings.

    Good, moral, right , wrong - None of it changes the facts which are that he left and he's with her.
    And probably will remain with her. She needs to meet the children. Period.

  • Don't take it out on the other women, she didn't promise you anything, he did. He made the choice to leave you, she didn't.

    At the end of the day, he's their father and the kids should get to know her if they get married
  • Just as i say the goverment are making all this happen and giving women the right to say when and were the man came see there children. just because you have children with someone dont mean thats it for life. people fall out of love end of, then all the cheating starts, arguments, this is what the children see and hate. i left my ex 2years ago the first year was ok i saw my kids every weekend, when i met my new partner thats when it all stoped. my hate is why do i have to be made to feel helpless and the goverment are backing this by bringing out csa telling men "there yours children you must pay for the up bringing"
    yeah thats all well and good i dont mind that but i have to pay it by law. Then when miss revenge wants some pay back and stop us seeing our babies we have to pay again go to court and get accress to a baby the i also did the night feed, was there at the birth, changed nappies and im being told there nothing you can do unless you pay pay pay££££££££££
    women call met cheats and bastards but for me a woman who uses the children to get back at a man is sick and twisted.....
  • I happen to be on the other side of this question. My boyfriend and I have known each other our whole lives and reconnected several months after he and his wife separated. SHE was the one that cheated on him by the way, men are not always the ones who cheat! I met the two children for 20 minutes at his apartment after he asked me to stop to see them, even though I was hesitant about the ex's reaction and the kids reaction. I was introduced as daddy's friend. It was a little test by him to see if he (and I) wanted to pursue anything with me based on their reaction. The ex to be freaked. It was no different than if he was still married living with his wife and he asked me to meet his kids. We didnt show any affection etc. Since she flipped out, I have stayed away until this weekend. The kids are living with him this week, our relationship has progressed, and he wanted us to do something together...ice cream and a local holiday event (only a couple hours together total). In the mean time, ex to be emails wanting to "chat" with me then freaks on him on the phone when she finds out I am with them. I already know she is psycho and I reply that I do not want to chat with her right now (and I do not have to by the way) and I got a seething email about how disrespectful I am to her. So, with all of that said, the ex spouse has no say in who meets or spends time with the children unless there is proof of abuse, etc. They however can make life miserable for the other spouse and the children. The kids involved here like me and I them, and if they did not, I do not think either my boyfriend or I would be together this long. Unfortunately, with the latest ex rants, I have to seriously rethink if I want to put up with her while seeing him. So, to the lady who wrote this, trust your ex to do the best for his kids, and trust that the "other woman" is interested in the girls best interest. We are not all "whores" that want to ruin your children.
  • I have been in this same place as many of these posting. I was married to may huband my high school sweet heart. We like all couples had there argumetns. His family was crazy and just not functional an any way but he was the only normal one that put his priorities in order. We went out for 4 years and than got married and waited to have children about four years we had a difficult time. his family brought so much problems in my life I wish I had seen the signs earlier but when you are you and in love you don't see or ignore the signs. Over all it was okay. Until he went behind my back and bought a house and didn't tell me anythibng unitl closing day. I was happy
    yet a bit confused. My grandmother had been dying when all thi process was going on and I was not all their pycsically at all times my grandmother was my mom and she was always there for me and now it was my turn to be with her no matter what. I started to see him change with the buying of the house. I would ask him to please not have people drinking around the house I mean he didm't drink I dont' drink I didn't want that and his friends were starting to come at all hours of the night and drink and then he started going out 2,3,4, in the morning. I had two kids at this time and my grandmother was dying . He bought the house his name is Abel and about 6 months after that he started cheating on me the worst part of this was that my son was the one who picked up the phone. Now he is in another relationship with the other womans best friend talk about sharing things as friends. This other womans name is Zugeil she has 4 children and all from different men. He left me for her when I found out i was heart broken my life was torn apart i thought that the devel himself came and took me and that i was never going to be able to rise again. With the support of my parents and family here I am. I dont' know if anyone knows what it's like to see your children crying for their dad and he is on vacation with another woman with the money that we signed for the house and for our needs . I have documents and I have evedience of him being in this womans house. I have asked ofr a divorce because we have a house and we have two kids. I don't want to keep the house because the house is older and not modern so i dont want to be stuck with a big responsiblity like this while he is vactioning in thecarribean. He has left his belongings in the basement and goes a sleeps over his girlfriends house I dont understand can a boy tell me why ??? because a real man does not do this and does not tale his kids to a trip without the mother knowing and lye to the kids that his girlfriend is a friend. I have talked to him so we can talk to the kids and also to meet the girlfriend even though I know this bitch is in it for the money tobad she is not getting any of it. She also knows that he was and is still married.I dont' understand what kind of realtionship they have i know its' not my buiness but it affects me because i cant move on. I plan of giving it a little more time but eventuallly i need to move on with my babies . afther what i went thorugh I have lost the trust and friendships and believeing what people say is a big question for me because I am not that gullable now. I question everything now and dont believe people as much. If there are any real men out there please help me understand what this man who is still my husband even though we are not together is trying to tell me ? I dont understand the hesitation for the divorce or me moving out of the house and living somewhere else ? I have never been with anybody and with this hurt that I have gone through i don't see myself with anyone for a long time I amd working and going to college and i have two beautiful children I need some one to shed some light????? And please dont say he loves the children or me because i am not stupid or gullable believe me he showed me how not to trust anyone.
  • I'm in the other womens shoes I guess..... my husband has a son from a previous relationship with his GF and his ex has "banned" me from being anywhere near..... I have met her and spoke to her at length about their son who I got along with perfectly fine!
    She lives in a hostel and her son is continuelly woken up by goings on and loud noise but wont let him stay every other weekend which he is entitled too!
    I am not a bad person.... I love my husband and I guess she does still love him too.... she told him only when he's in a commited realtionship will their son meet me and get to know me..... we have been married over a year and she hasnt changed!!!

    In your circumstance, your ex is with another women, maybe when he's commited to her then allow your daughters to form a bond with her..... or just talk to her please and just see if shes a nice enought person what harm is she to your children...... surely you would want someone there to make sure your ex isnt doing too manly things with them someone they can look to and trust..... if they have no bond with her thats when it will harm them!!!

    Please just try and reason, she probs didnt know he was married at the time.... dont punnish her for your ex husbands mistake!
  • Do what you think is right for your children. Primary focus is whats in the best interest of the children. Ignore many of these comments. You love and care for your children, so try and get legal advice regarding this situation. Many of the comments here are not morally proper. They are about revenge or insulting your situation. The occasional one is helpful. Take care. Hope things work out for you and your children.
  • I understand your concerns and fears, I've recently gone thru a divorce, my soon to be ex-husband slept with his ex-wife, who he took custody of there daughter 8 yrs ago, when the ex wife abandoned there daughter with strangers while on drugs, he also said she tried to have him killed,yet on the day I told him I was pregnant from him,he slept with her Sat and Sund morning, 2 hrs later proposed to me. Obviously he did not tell me what he had done,but I suspected something was going on,after my son was born and a miscarriage.I confronted her and she told me everything. Which just lead to another miscarriage in 5 mnth spand and my divorce,Just yesterday I saw him and now I feel sorry for him, He doesn't realize, he lost his home, wife and son.KARMA just remeber when he asks for forgiveness when he is walking in your shoes be forgiving it frees you and move o
  • would totally agree with you i recently broke up with my partner after he cheated on me . we have a son together and he asked me the other week if he could introduce our son to her but he didnt know where the relationship was going.who in their right mund would even involving a little 5 yr old bot in some farce that may not go anywhere. i will not let it happen and its left me very bitter.The new girl on the scene is plastering facebook with things to try and wind me up. its so annoying. there is no way my sons getting mixed with sucha childish pathetic sistuation.

  • wow. Some totally insane paranoid people here!
  • First thing is first. Do not listen to the ones who insult you. They are either the adultress, the husband, the ex husband or the person who never experienced what you went through and still going through. The best advice is see a lawyer for legal advice. Everyone should remember that children hear and see what goes on. All you can do is think about what is in the childrens best interest. Check the laws in your country about infidality.
    I hope things go well for you and your children.
  • WOW! Some of these people are just horrible. I live here in the states and unfortunatly there is no leagal resolution for me. I don't really care that he is spending time with his new girl friend or even with my kids. My issues is that we are Christian(or at least I am) and as a parent trying to teach my children what a Biblical relationship is about and what he is physically showing them just bafles me to no end. It is not ok in my opion for either spouse to bring the kids into a new relationship at a young age. All the advice I got today was to pray for him and that he comes to the realization that his sinful action in front of his impressinable girls will eventually come back to haunt him so to speak. But how do you pray for someone who has hurt your children in such a manor?
  • Your ex-husband is a feckin jack-hole! As for the tramp he's currently living and sleeping with....well, she is a slut and a whore. I agee your children are better off NOT being around her. And while your marriage may have failed, your husband showed a serious lack of judgment all the way around. Good luck to you and your children......and a POX on your ex and his skank!
  • Hi hun im in the same position, my kids want to spend quality time with their dad, not his partner. He however feels thats his new life now and the kids need to be part of it .......... ur no! Kids have asked dad, 'can we see you alone and spend time with you?' answer NO! kids decided - we no longer want to see dad. He will one day realize his selfish actions cost him his children. Stick to ur guns hun, you know what best, your mu
  • Okay. Lots of hate in these responses and people giving opinions based on their own biased pasts.

    First off, you are not to blame for your ex husband cheating. You could have been the sorriest wife ever but he should have kept his promise to be faithful or gotten a divorce prior to sleeping around. Anybody that thinks "it takes two" to divorce is naive. It takes two to marry and one to screw it up.

    But on to the issue.

    You need to let it go. That is what is best for you and your kids. Your kids do not have the right to forgo any relationship with their father right now. He deserves a chance to be in their life. This new woman is a major part of his life now and, although in poor taste, he should be allowed to keep the children around her.

    One of you are going to mess up. Right now, both of you are. He shouldn't be pushing this woman into their lives and you shouldn't be using it as an excuse to limit his access to the children.

    If this woman isn't some sort of criminal then you have no reason to deny them staying with their dad in her presence. It just makes you seem petty and bitter.....and it isn't in the children's best interests. It is natural that your children initially balk at the idea of a new woman. They either will overcome that or they won't over time and getting the chance to know her. Right now they are probably basing their feelings on what they feel you want them to do and say. That isn't healthy.

    They deserve a fair chance to judge this woman on their own via interactions.

    Letting the 14 year old know was/is just bad. Understand this, your children's perception of themselves is tied to their perception of you and their father. If they end up hating daddy because of daddy's new love then it will effect their own self esteem.

    Remember that.
  • She has EVERY right to keep the children away from an immoral, selfish individual (the other woman). It's disgusting that any of you feel that the children (especially age 14!) should be denied the truth. Any woman who goes after a marriend man with children IS a criminal. Plain and simple. She violated the wife...participated in destroying the family. A 14 year old IS old enough to understand what bad behavior is. No child should be lied to like that...told that this other woman is just some nice person that daddy met after the fact. They will find out eventually and if you don't think THAT will have an impact your are nuts. A mothers instinct is to protect her kids from bad people...and any woman who knowingly goes after a married man with children IS bad. Period.
  • Wow , it really disgust me to see all these people out here defending adultery! The other women I am assuming knew this man and women were married with Children! Some caution should certainly be practiced when allowing your children to communicate with her. Have you thought about the marriage clause where they have to be married to spend the night. If the 14 year old wants she can testify in court that she does not want to stay with this women. The seven year old obviously doesn't know so my next suggestion is counseling! As fast as you can look up a counselor that you can bring your entire family to including your husband. I do not see any reason to get this other women involved especially if they have no obligations to marry as it may just be a fling.
  • totally agree the 14 year old has every right to know and lying to a 14 year old could be detrimental to them, its certainly not giving the right idea! My prayers are with you!
  • PS no it won't hurt their self esteem if they end up hating daddy perhaps knowing the truth will help them shed light on why daddy would make such a poor decisions and teach them that daddy's moral values need work thus they may be able to look within themselves to discover reasons for their own immoral behavior. Dad should fess up and explain his own immoral mistake if he ever wants his children to have morals although sounds like he is too narcissistic to believe he has morality issues.
  • Firstly no good father would cheat on the mother of his children. Secondly no good father would introduce a new partner to his children quickly. he is not putting his children first, so as their mother you need to.

    You don;t know this OW except that she is a cheating whore with no morals. Would you hire someone like this as a babysitter for your children? I bet not. So therefore you have a right to request that she does not interact with your children. But try to get more evidence - google her - find out all the dirt you can on this skank and discuss it with a solicitor.

    Who cares whether your ex likes it or not - he has already put a whore above his wife and kids - he isnt thinking straight - you think straight and protect your children from a mentally unstable man and a whore.

    Good luck with it xx
  • I recently saw a testimony about a spell caster of some sort in a blog I visit for relationship and dating counseling problems because i had been having serious issues with my boyfriend and we had been dating for six months,he just suddenly changed,he was returning my calls,he started cheating,he was hurting me in so many ways i never thought possible and I just thought I should try it*maybe out of desperation of some sort and I contacted them..At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable,their consultations and solution was a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little cos I heard read and heard lots of stories of fake spell casters,scams and i never really believed in magic..I played along with a little hope and and faith and I was sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle,everything went to a while new direction,it was and is amazing...I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that faithful day..I hope they could help other people too like they did me...I did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for my husband,my family and my life is in good state now,thanks to Dr ZACK.you can reach him trough this email Address if you need help:hinduntemple@gmail.com. Nao
  • I recently saw a testimony about a spell caster of some sort in a blog I visit for relationship and dating counseling problems because i had been having serious issues with my boyfriend and we had been dating for six months,he just suddenly changed,he was returning my calls,he started cheating,he was hurting me in so many ways i never thought possible and I just thought I should try it*maybe out of desperation of some sort and I contacted them..At first everything felt dreamy and unbelievable,their consultations and solution was a little bit easy and strange and I was scared a little cos I heard read and heard lots of stories of fake spell casters,scams and i never really believed in magic..I played along with a little hope and and faith and I was sent some few stuffs after everything and it worked like a miracle,everything went to a while new direction,it was and is amazing...I guess it was all good faith that made me read That particular post that faithful day..I hope they could help other people too like they did me...I did a little and I got everything I wanted and wished for my husband,my family and my life is in good state now,thanks to Dr ZACK.you can reach him trough this email Address if you need help:hinduntemple{at}gmail{dot}com.
  • Some of the replies here are from people with serious issues of their own- don't take a bit of notice of the insults; they are writing from their own guilt no doubt!

    My ex met a new woman a few weeks ago and straight away I was suspicious of her, she seemed really odd- 'I love you' after the first date ( ex told my 15 year old that! ) for example. texting and calling hourly, jumped straight into bed with him ( did my fifteen year old have to know that either...? )

    And ex started criticising my parenting which was new...fortunately he left an email from her showing ( on my computer!!! ) and I got to see first-hand her advice to him on parenting and ignoring me 'because you don't respect her'. She had known him three weeks at this point.

    We had been co-parenting after divorce happily for years until she showed up, and all I can do is wait until he sees through her. He's been drinking heavily so I guess he isn't thinking straight.

    But no- she's not part of our family, and never will be as far as I'm concerned, and that is up to me to be protective for now.

    Ex can work on his own relationships later but for now I'm the mum and I have the final say. Period. It's me who has to deal with the fallout while he's running around being irresponsible; he has another woman as well now so I hear.

    Unbelievable. So I don't take his parenting rights as seriously, since he obviously isn't. Sometimes you just have to take charge, for the sake of kids.
  • am in the same situation but my son is only 9 months old.when he is a bit older i might.but not this young.to money strange things can hinder there development.id say get legal advice or try mediatio
  • ...always pray and trust your own judgment. If you dont want your kids around this woman, surely you dont have to have them around her. Let the father see the kids without this whore!
  • I'm sorry. Regardless, of the state of your marriage infidelity was inappropriate behavior. It is never easy to know what to tell the children, but the truth is I think the best way to go. You certainly didn't damage them more by telling them the truth than he did by his actions. If they don't trust men it goes back to their father not being trustworthy; not you telling them about it. He is there father regardless of what he is done. The two of you need to agree on visitation and exposure to transitional partners. Cheaters rarely marry the person that cheated with and of those marriages most end in another divorce.
  • I was the child in this scenario, after age seven, my dad got full custody of me because my mother was mentally incompetent (foreigner with different culture). He then transferred custody to my grandmother after age 13. I have to say, my mother was deeply troubled by my father's cheating and just in general. I think I would have still preferred to live with her than with my dad and grandma.

    When the cheating happens, it was both the father and the other woman that knowingly do something that hurts a family. When the woman knowingly involves herself in the cheating, she is hurting the family, especially the children. That complete disregard for the kids in that family would make her devoid of just basic kindness and compassion.

    If the other woman got involved with the father when the man and woman were separated or already divorced, then yeah, the kids should have some sort of relationship with the new girlfriend or wife. BUT , if that woman was part of the cause of dismantling your family, how much can that person be trusted with your loved ones?

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