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Let me drop some back story on this woman, the earliest memory she had was when she was nearly raped by her younger sister's biological father at 4 years. He cut her with a knife and ripped her pants off and she only managed to get away when her mother came home just in time. She was sexually abused by him before hand as well.
After that fact her mother left her "boyfriend" and moved in with her mother, leaving the three children she had with her mother, the children lived most of their childhood with their grandmother. Whilst her mother was out trying to find another boyfriend to go have fun with and party. And when she wasn't doing that she was working to support herself but rarely gave money to her mother and her children that she should have been.
The oldest daughter, my wife's older sister, was the apple of her grandmother's eye and was always treated fairly and her younger sister was coddled immensely. While my wife endured the brunt force of her grandmother's rage and bipolar disorder. I'm going to skip a few years but I'll tell you straight up that this was not a nice grandmother and beat and mentally tormented my wife most of her childhood. Even at one point threatening to kill her if she didn't kill herself by the time she got back from the grocery store. She didn't of course and was tortured and beaten to hell because she didn't.
When she got older nearly in high school, her great aunt who happens to be a very wealthy woman, enough to buy a 8 million dollar property in an instant came and propositioned their grandmother and her mother for them to come stay with them because at the time they were in a house on the east coast in Virgina where a hurricane was about to hit. Their grandmother straight up told their aunt that they should stay behind and that only she should go with her back to her estate. This was where after years of telling their mother that their grandmother was off her rocker and bat shit crazy finally sunk in. Her mother told her aunt that she would stay behind and ride out the hurricane. And they did and left in the morning. Their mother managed to hop from house to house living with friends and trying to find a job at some point, in one home they were completely kicked out because the daughter of the person she was staying with ran off with another guy who wasn't her fiancee and told her mother that she wasn't coming back until my wife, her mother, and sister were gone. And sure enough the lady tossed them on the street. At this point they had no where to go but the streets and they were homeless for quite a time. In the system you had to qualify to be homeless and in order to get some sort of living quarters for them to sleep "safely" they had to abide by rules, such as they couldn't leave whenever they wanted to, and the door to their "apartments" would get locked on an occasion when my wife needed to go to school but she was barred from going because of this. My wife loved going to school and was a straight A student and a teacher's pet in nearly all her classes. At one point she actually taught the class because the teacher had to step out for an emergency. So my wife was a goodie two shoe kind of girl, innocent to the core except for her past. It wasn't until halfway through high school that she finally got to move in with an old friend and flame of her mother's and they lived a semi decent life except for a few problems. The house the first lived in was falling apart and becoming completely unlivable. And so they moved out which caused an extreme strain on their now new step father who they call a true dad. Because it put him in 10s of thousands of dollars in debt. Possibly near 100 thousand. And they moved to a nicer neighborhood and fixed up an old house and made nice renovations to it. Its a small place but its lovely. For a long time before I knew her, her family struggled with bills and food because her now dad worked hard and didn't get paid enough to be okay so her mother had to find a job and the job she got, she complained about obscenely, which I don't blame her if everything she told me about it was true, but I won't go into detail. But this went on forever, until I came in the light. I moved here because I was put on active duty at the base 2 hours away from her home in new york city.
I had met her through her ex-boyfriend, who happened to be a best-online-friend I had had. Me and her got to talking and found that we both kind of clicked, and she was getting tired of him because he wasn't taking care of her like he should. I know now, why he wasn't. We hooked up and by the pictures she showed me, she seemed like she was a little chubby but nothing that didn't look curable with me taking her to the gym or something. I was wrong. I finally got to meet her on my graduation from boot-camp. I had to stifle a bad "Eww" because she was thicker than I imagined. I didn't consider myself shallow because I fell in love with this girl's personality at first. And being a sensitive man I let it slide because I was finally meeting this "wonderful" woman I had talked on the internet and had sent letters and everything to for so long. I was sexually frustrated as well being an undersexed individual who had only had sex about twice before hand. Once with a guy and then with another girl whom I thought was thinner than she portrayed but that's another story for another time. So I was horny as hell and when I finally got to meet this girl and spend the night at her home that her parents had. We took every advantage we had to bonk like bunnies. But one thing bothered me about her, for someone who was so sex crazed as she was. She would not let me see her naked completely, she had this weird way of being able to change clothes without taking something off first, she would put the new clothing on first and then somehow wiggle the old clothes off and be in the new clothes when they came off. And put her bras on underneath her new clothes. Oh and most of her life she's never really had anything to call her own that much. All the time she was living in the new house, she didn't have a bed, when she did, it was an air mattress, but those only lasted like a few months before they popped and deflated on her. To where she was stuck sleeping on the hardwood floor with only a few blankets to provide padding between her and the floor. She had three or four changes of clothes. NO panties and two bras that were broke, and no shoes to technically call her own, normal everyday shoes at that. And any time she would ask for these things from her parents, they didn't have the money or blew her off on it when they said they would get her some. Poor girl didn't even have a driver's license when she turned 21. In New York I guess that is normal but that is rediculous for anywhere else. She didn't even have any government issued ID's except one that had already expired. This caused severe problems as well. Also, my wife's mother at the time was turning into a batshit crazy woman. She smoked weed and used the family's food money to buy herself a bag every week. It pissed everyone off but they couldn't do anything about it for some reason because she would play victim and tell everyone they were ganging up on her and that she needed it to calm down from the stress of her work. So this led to many problems as well. Since my wife was home ALLLL the time, she was given the task of keeping the house clean. If it wasn't clean, her mother would bitch at her for not cleaning the house. The only time she didn't clean the house was when she didn't feel well and even then she would push herself to clean the house. She was constantly doing dishes that members of her family dirtyed but she maybe used one glass and thats it. I remember one time I was over her mother yelled at her to come down stairs to talk to her and proceeded to curse her out and ask her why there were clothes sitting on the table next to the washer/dryer that I myself saw before hand and I know my wife didn't put there because she had been with me the whole day. And she called her a slob and a lazy good for nothing. My wife was in tears and falling apart and very close to wanting to kill her mother.
On top of all of this my wife has a condition that makes her period's last for weeks on end and instead of just bleeding a little. She bleeds like she got stabbed in her cervix and it won't heal over. Not to mention she gets horrible cramps and gives birth to blood clot babies the size of hamsters and sometimes bigger. And then when it was gone, it was gone for weeks again and then would come back almost stronger than before. This has landed her in the hospital twice, and a third time for when her parents FINALLY decided to get up off their asses to get her to some kind of treatment. Only the treatment reacted badly and she had a violent allergic reaction to the medication. I had to take off during a work day to go and take her to the ER because her parents wouldn't, but I managed to get her dad to come and take her with me. She came back okay but I nearly had some punishment dished my way for taking off on a work day without telling people before hand. I digress though. So after all that, I told her that I loved her and I didn't want anything else to happen to her and in order to make everything better that we should get married so that way she could have the medical coverage that was non-existent and not even within reach before me and a way to get out of her rut she was in living with her parents. So we did and moved into military housing away from the base. It was rough, because not soon after moving in, I was sent on deployment. She was extremely sad and alone, we hadn't the chance to make friends in the area but she made friends with our neighbors. She emailed me that they were good people, and I kind of knew the guy she was talking about, I had met him before and he seemed like a good guy. Little did I know what kind of guy he really was. She was raped by him one night after he got drunk, he had sexually harassed her a few times before, which she should have took that as a sign that this was not a guy to be hanging with. His wife was a cheating whore who partied and drank even though she had a child to take care of with her husband. She immediately took him raping her, as she was trying to take him from her and went about harassing my wife who at the time had no idea what the fuck to do. She emailed me what had happened and it got to my chain of command and they immediately sent me home to help her out. Since I had no real knowledge of how the navy worked and neither did she. She was so distraught that she didn't want to press charges and got us moved to a different housing complex. And by the time she actually wanted to press charges, too much time had passed and they basically got away with it because his command swept it under the rug before it became too public. So all in all, her paranoia of dealing with getting raped pretty much sealed it so she wouldn't be able to get any justice. This was the first big thing that turned me off to her. The rape had brought back too many horrible memories of her past and sent her into a repeating shock.
I didn't know how to respond to her now. I wanted to hug and hold her and comfort her. But something just didn't click, I didn't feel sorry for her and I couldn't make myself cry for her. I turned emotionless on her and told her that I wasn't mad at what he did but I didn't know what to think. I didn't know if I should be sad and hurting or angry and upset. I completely shut off and the entire time I was home while my boat was on a deployment i spent just living with her and going to special schools that had been set for me to do while i was there. I never took her to therapy because I had no idea where I needed to go and I didn't want to ask anyone I went to these schools with because I had it when people tell me things that I should have allready know and blame me for not knowing anything, so I kept quiet. My mistake. After my boat came back, my wife broke down in tears and yelled at me for not understanding that she was still suffering and that she really needed help. The whole time I was with her she seemed fine and happy, she didn't show any signs of suffering mentally. But after all the years of abuse she's lived through she evidently has a happy mask she puts on to hide her pain. I was supposed to be able to see through this but you know what the fuck, I can't tell if you're unhappy if you don't show it! This was another thing that pissed me off about her. She isn't up front with me about things. I'm usually really good at reading what a girl is feeling by looking at her face. But she had no real sign that she was hurting. You can't expect me to know, if you don't show some kind of sign.
So my boat comes back, she freaks out one night when I have duty and tells me she scared shitless to be alone at night. So my command offers and lets me go home after 6 at night to stay with her. At this point we're about to move to a different port to go into overhaul, so my wife is already going to therapy here and she loves her therapist and I agree she is a wonderful woman. So this prompts the command to pull me off the boat into a transfer to shore for 6 months to get her straightened out and if not i could be separted from the military. So I take it and she's been going to therapy ever since. Its been 4 months at this point and she still doesn't feel safe when I'm not home. THIS ISN'T GOOD.
There was so much I was expecting from this woman. She really is strong if she can live through every little bit of that bullshit in her past. She can live through this, but because I'm the only person who has ever loved her and provided for her she's turning into a klingon and will NOT let me go anywhere without her for fear of me cheating on her. That should be a huge red flag right there. I will admit there have been a couple of occasions that I have proven myself untrust worthy but let met explain these situations.
1) I joined a sex dating website three days after getting legally married to my wife. I had opened an account and looked around the site and dropped it. I to this day don't know why I joined. Deep down I want to think I did it because sex with this woman had already turned stale. But I'll get to that in a minute. So while I was at work before I went on deployment. She was looking through my laptop, which I don't go looking through her computer for anything and she finds a history page with my ad on that site. It says "i'll tell you later" on my relationship status, which was the generic automatic reply it had on there. So I come home and she's all nice to me and tells me that she has a bath for me and she comes up and I take a bath and I'm trying to be cute and lovable with her and thanking her for doing all this for me. After wards i dry off and come downstairs and the first two signs I should have picked up on was that she told me she had talked to her dad and she told me that he said that I would be in huge trouble if I ever hurt her. Next we were making something to eat and she asked me why a guy would join a dating website if he already had a girlfriend. And I answered her "Because guys who go on those sites are one, bored with the sex that their current partner's are giving them, or two they're wanting more than one girlfriend." She asked me if I would join any sites like that. I knew I had joined a few but I told her no, because at this point they were irrelevant since I did not use them anymore. So we sit down and she grabs my laptop and gives a smile and says she wants to show me something and pulls up my account on that one website. And asks me what the fuck it was. This soon turned into a HUGE HUGE argument with me getting slapped three times, once my glasses actually broke. This whole time I'm apologizing to her and telling her I don't know why I joined that site and came up with a bullshit excuse because she didn't buy that I didn't know why. So eventually after a lot of yelling and a lot of other bull shit she finally came around and we made up. But this argument was like I had actually cheated on her. And with how the navy is, we don't have definite go home times, so we could come home late and we'd really have been at work but to women who stay home all day, thats a sign that we're cheating on them. A WHOLE SHIT LOAD OF BULLSHIT.
2) We were getting into an online game and we played it together on our computers and she was talking to this one guy to keep herself entertained during the day. She had told me that she liked him and they were messing around online straight up the day she had done it. I wasn't mad, I encouraged it, because my wife is extremely inexperienced when it comes to sex. No one ever showed her and nor did she ever look anything up on the net. She really was a good girl for the most part. So I meet the guy and I instantly like him because he's funny and cool. And they were joking that I should go find a girl to do since they were doing stuff. So I was like OKAY! BIG FUCKING MISTAKE. Okay my wife told me to go do this, but she got jealous that I was dancing with this girl in the game and I was having fun. So fun without her constituted her nagging me with, if you guys do anything online, let me know, but it had an undertone of, if you do anything I'm going to be sad and hurt because you won't do those things with me. So me and the girl did things and it somehow got recorded by the guy she was with and relayed to her. Since I didn't tell her we did anything. And then I told her we hadn't done anything. She comes upstairs and rips me a new one and slams the door behind her. I go downstairs to calm her down, get yelled at more, get a ceramic drink coaster thrown at me while she's telling me to leave the house. Now this girl is known for hurting herself when she's extremely upset so, leaving is the last thing I'm going to do. So I get slapped a few more times, I just take it, because she hits about as hard as if you got hit in the face with a down pillow really hard. It stung for a second and went away, but not before messing my glasses up just a bit. So I leave for a little while, I somehow manage to pull tears out of my eyes thinking how much I must have screwed up. And every time I have screwed up she has called her parents and told them about it. So think of this crazy puerto rican mother and a puerto rican 400 pound man on my ass if I ever hurt her, I'm fucking scared shitless. But the event soon deflates and me and her make up some how.
Both of these situations were very minimal situations that got blown out of proportion because she has been hurt most of her life. If she was that adament about leaving me because of these things, I'm really thinking that if she can drop me at the drop of a hat over something small like that. Then I don't think this relationship is worth the trouble.
Okay, now the sex. This woman, has to be about 240 5' 10" 38D's that are saggy as fuck. Love handles I could strech for miles. Flabby arms and side boobs that could make up a spare tire. The few rare times she actually lets me see her naked, this is what I'm granted with. Oh and she says she has a JLo booty, yeah right, its more like a saggy water balloon was glued to your backside. Oh and not to mention, when I can spread her ass cheeks, its like she shat her pants and refused to clean it for years and it caused welts and sores to blister inside her crack. She says its from her grandmother pulling off her pants and telling her that she was never allowed to sleep with anyone and would take cigarettes to her ass and burned her horribly. But every now and then when I try and cop a feel down there. I'm granted with an almost sty like pimple forming down there. It puts me off soo horribly, I don't know how I managae to get up every time we have sex. And the sex itself. I'm a kind of pleaser when it comes to sex. I'll fuck a girl silly before I let myself bust. And I figured I should be able to go a second round as well but with her, I'm soft and stuck soft after the first time. Nothing I try and think about will get me up to be able to fuck her a second time. I know, its horrible but its the truth. She doesn't turn me on alone. The idea of sex itself is the only thing that turns me on enough to do it with her. She told me the first time we made love that she was a virgin. No, I don't believe it. She sunk down on me and I felt no resistance at any point when she did. I didn't feel anything pop, I slid straight in. I was put off by that. And also she wasn't tight like a virgin should be, I slid in easy, no muscle resistance at all, there was a bit of friction but that soon disapeared. Another thing that put me off. I didn't want to fuck a coffee can.
When we're having sex, its usually allways her on bottom. When I try to get her to be on top she complains that she can't stay up when she does it and that it "Feels too good" that it makes her dizzy and she passes out. this is utter bullshit, if you pass out, its because you're not hydrated enough, and you'd probably be able to do it if you got off your fucking lazy ass and did some running bitch. I have yet to see her run. She claims that she runs when she walks the dog but every time I have gotten home she's been laying down on the couch because she's paranoid of being alone up stairs in the room after the rape. So thats bullshit. She claims that her illness with her feminie bleeding keeps her from exercising too much. UTTER BULLSHIT. If it was like a bone injury, I would fucking understand but bleeding because you're excersising? I don't buy it.
The days when I can get away without having to fuck her are great, but she soon starts throwing fits that I'm not giving her "attention" and that wouldn't bother me if I could divorce her ass right now. But there are too many complications right now for me to do that.
1) I'd have her parents on my ass, not to mention their branches of family who might find someway to screw me over because half her family are lawyers and judges.
2) I'm on shore duty because of her, and if I divorce her it might get ugly and I might end up getting separated for like insurance fraud or wasting the military's time with her.
3) I hate to admit it but she can SING!!! She is better than anyone I've ever heard on tv sing. Because when she sings, she puts emotion into her singing and its a creepy but amazing voice you hear from her. She has gotten offered 2 record deals when she was younger but they were turned down because she wasn't done with school. So now I'm trying to get her ass to sing and get famous so when I do get off of shore duty and out of the military we'll be set if I actually intend on staying with her. But her ass doesn't want to sing at all. She's "self-concious" about her singing, she doesn't think she's good enough. When I think even Simon Cowl would bow to her voice. This bitch is holding up everything, she WANTS to be a famous singer. But it completely baffles me to hell that she doesn't want to sing and make money and be famous. She says its because of her femnine problem, but if we had the money, the feminie problem could be fixed in no time.
By the way I"M BROKE with her ass around. She brings in no income. Other than money we borrow from her ex-boyfriend/my online friend for food and to be able to survive. All the money I make now, goes to bills that wouldn't be around if her ass didn't need bullshit things to keep her sane around the house. Not to mention I had to get a new car thats costing me more than 500 a month, thats a third of my two bi-monthly paychecks. BULLSHIT.
I'm spending too much time on just the physical things I hate about this woman. Her mental problems from her childhood cause her to act childish around me since she had to grow up at a young age. I want her to be a mature woman, not a fucking little kid. I really do feel like I picked up an 8 year old in a 23 year old's fat body. Now I'm lazy but at least I still do shit around the house. I come home to find the house just as I left it before everyday. She could at the very least, walk around the house and dust shit if you're going to stay home all day. Nope all she wants to do is play Cafe' World on Facebook and watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Oh and occasionally she'll sweep the floor. I have come home maybe 4 times the entire time we've been married and the house looks spotless.
And when we have something like snacks or sodas in the house, she asks every god damn fucking time if she can have something. WE BOUGHT THE STUFF OF FUCKING COURSE YOU CAN HAVE IT. YOU DON"T HAVE TO ASK ME EVERY GOD DAMN TIME!!! Its not even a "Hey I'm getting this, is it okay or do I need to get something else." Its "CAN I HAVE XXXXX?" I swear I'm living with an 8 year old.
Oh, and also how many times does a girl need to be reminded that you love her, I mean I know I don't now but seriously. I have counted the last time she has said she loved me and I HAVE to answer back in a reasonable amount of time or she'll get pissed. "And I love you hun!" with my biggest fake smile every time. I counted at least 40 times in one day, not counting the times I was leaving to go pick something up or I was leaving for work "I love you"'s. She is so clingy and paranoid that I'm going to leave her its ridiculous. All the more reason I should.
And if by now you're wondering, "Why don't you leave her." I've allready told your above. I can' yet. I still need to suffer for a while before I make a bolt for it.
I have tried to get her to open up to more sexual things. We recently made friends with a bi couple with a semi open relationship. I'm bi, I carry on like I'm straight but if I can get some nookie outside of the marriage and she can too I would be happy to but she is adamant that we be a closed relationship. I agree that doing other couples could lead to the spread of diseases but these two are clean, I'm sure of it.
To tell the truth, I'm not happy, I said it, I am NOT happy in this relationship. There was soooo much i wanted to do before I got married, at first I would have loved that me and her both experienced new things sexually with other people but thats out of the question now. She doesn't trust anyone else but me with sex right now because of her getting raped. This has put a huge damper on my feelings towards her.
Truth be told, I want to sleep with someone else. I'm extremely attracted to the couple we befriended. I'm just too shell shocked from the last two times of her getting pissed off to even say anything to them for fear of her finding out about it. I want her to be a part of it with me so at least i can have fun with both of them and her as well.
Deep down I am a extremely sex driven person. My libido as of late though has plummeted because I've been gaining weight. Because I can't get out of the house for fear of being slapped with a "OMG you're cheating on me." sticker. So exercise has been out of the question unless its part of the daily routine. Of which I'm very well aware of and take advantage of, but its still not good enough. I need to be doing it every day. I've gained 40 pounds in over a year and its making me miserable. I'm fucking out of breath after walking up the stairs, I'm breathing heavy just resting. I don't like this AT ALL!!!
So what should I do, wait to divorce her? Suck it up and be a pussy and stay with her because she had a hard life and I'm the best thing to happen to her? Or should I just go straight to the legal office and file for a divorce now and kick her out and back to her parents. I have a feeling if I did the last though, getting with the friends would be impossible since she kind of makes the highlight of me and her being over at their place. She's extremely social while I'm still kind of coming out of my social shell.
Please, someone help me. My life is miserable right now. I just need some advice on what I should do.
Rating:2.33
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- Run for your life.
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