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Dealing with ex-wife's games

Hello! My boyfriend and I have a seriously committed relationship, and have plans to move in together, and eventually marry. We have both been married before and both of us have school age children. My ex-husband certainly has his problems, I was the one that chose to leave the marriage, but we have found a working relationship that tries to always put our children's best interest first. He does not make problems for my boyfriend and I.

HOWEVER, my boyfriend's ex-wife is another story. She chose to end their marriage, however she is neurotic about him dating me. Without her in the picture we all get along beautifully. I love his kids, and my kids love him (and vice versa). Our children are friends and get along well, unless his ex starts playing her games. She is constantly saying things to undermine my boyfriend, and make their children feel like my children and I are taking all of their father's time, money, etc. (none of which is true - we are VERY family oriented, and constantly strive to put the children first). His ex continues to sign their children up for an absurd amount of extra curricular activities (up to 5 activities each), which is draining on the budget, and impossible to manage time wise (practices every night, and some BEFORE school, games every weekend!). She becomes unreasonable whenever my boyfriend suggests that they cut back on their children's activities, and threatens to tell the kids that "your father doesn't want you to play " because he spends all of his time and money on (me). He then feels trapped and feels forced to agree to this insane schedule.

He has attempted to talk to her many times, but she always pitches a fit, and gets her way.
Not being married to him, and even if I were, I do not feel that it is my place to tell him he should cut back on his kids' activities (although we have discussed it, and I have told him how it makes me feel). If I want to spend time with him, I have to cater to his kid's schedule, and so does my children.

My boyfriend is a wonderful man. He is as torn about this as I am, and he is trying very hard to come to some resolve.

It is hurtful to him that his ex-wife says such vile things about him and about me to the children.
I always try to take the higher road, and set a positive example for the kids. I think they see this (my relationship with his children is very good), but it is confusing to them when their mother tries to undermine us.

I'm sorry this post is so long, I just need to rant a little bit before I burst!

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of nonsense? I'm open to any advice.

Thank you!

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Comments

  • Kill the bitch!
  • Keep taking the high road. Eventually this will come back to bite her. Don't stoop to her level.
  • My ex points at me negatively when I don't have the time to spend with her and my older kids due to pressing work and current family obligations. I am made out to be the bad guy... and am constantly treated like garbage because of it. Hopefully the kids will see this alienation tactic for what it is... and will come around as I refuse to be pushed around by her means of manipulation.
  • Honey, I've been dealing with a similar situation for almost 3 years now - the mom uses the kids and their supposed "needs" (who the *$%@# NEEDS that many activities?? How about some down time for those poor kids? Tell your boyfriend that he is NOT REQUIRED to pay for all those activities. If he pays CS, he is not REQUIRED to pay any extra if he so chooses - but I know he is driven by GUILT. He needs to talk to his KIDS about their activities, and HE is their parent, HE is providing the $$, and HE has EVERY RIGHT to say "NO". I don't know about you, but my parents sure didn't coddle ME that way!! Let him know that this crazy ex-wife of his IS NOT GOING TO LET UP, NO MATTER IF HE PAYS UP OR NOT. She will ALWAYS find something else to badmouth him to the kids about. ALWAYS, until she MOVES ON in her own life. He needs to tell his kids and his ex-wife that he is willing to pay for ONE extracurricular activity, PERIOD, and STAND HIS GROUND. Again, the crazy ex- is going to badmouth him NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES, GOOD OR BAD. She will lie to her kids faces. He needs to COMMUNICATE with his kids REGULARLY, and he needs to figure out how to BE HONEST and STRAIGHTFORWARD with his kids as much as possible without totally bashing their nutjob of a mother. I recommend he tells them, "I am NOT trying to speak badly about your mom, but you deserve to have me speak honestly and openly with you, just as I want you to always know you can speak HONESTLY AND OPENLY with me."

    It will be a long road, my dear, and you will need to have MUCH patience if you are staying with him. In the meantime, check out the following forum - it will help you greatly, methinks! Good luck to you!
    http://www.bpdfamily.org/index.php?board=9.0
  • Oh, also (I wrote the above reply) - remind your boyfriend that maybe, just maybe, hie kids will actually be RELIEVED to have less activities. They are probably exhausted. HE NEEDS TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEM, NOT HER, ABOUT THIS. I also suggest you do some reading on Parallel Parenting. Hopefully you can get him past the divorce guilt and get him on board to being a strong dad for his kids - which doesn't just mean shelling out money and DEFINITELY doesn't mean following "Her Majesty" the nutjob's orders. His kids need to learn to stand up to her when she starts bullying them, which WILL most likely happen - mark my words! I don't know their ages, but please ask your boyfriend to think ahead to those tumultuous teenage years when those kids will ABHOR their crazy mom trying to run their every waking moment, and their mom will not know how to deal with them questioning her actions or backtalking her the way teenagers do. She will FREAK when they become more independent - and DAD needs to have taught them how to be strong.....
  • uh, do we have the same life or WHAT? Our ex-wife is supposedly the pillar of her little community (pop. 5000) she signs the kids up for so many activities (even though they are failing academically) JUST TO BE SEEN 24/7 and for her kids TO BE POPULAR. that is all that matters to her: for her and the kids to be popular and to trash the father and myself to the kids and her entire community! If you have your BF's support then go ahead and set house rules, but if you don't (like i don't; too much parenting by guilt) DISENGAGE! keep saying over and over "not my kids, not my problem" this sounds harsh but it is the only way to preserve your sanity; i've been dealing with this for the past 4 years w/ my BF. good luck, you're gonna need it!
  • I am going to suggest a book that I have learned about from a step-family support group I belong to. The name of the book is called Divorce Poison by Dr. Worshak (I think that is the spelling, but I am drawing a blank on the first name). It will help you deal with things like this.

    what this boils down to is that the ex-wife doesn't want him, but she doesn't want any one else in his life. She wants to see her ex-husband being miserable because he can't be happier or have a better life then hers.

    I had to deal with a lunatic when I got together with my DH.

    My suggestion is that you find a step-family support group and they will be able to help you with suggestions in dealing with this kind of crap. Also it will help you feel that you are not alone.

    Good luck with dealing with the raving lunatic.
  • I suggest sucking my d.ick.
  • I too have to deal with an X this weekend. I have always avoided X's like the plague. But this is a Wedding. I expect to be diss'd. I expect to be talked about. I am also aware of the fact that there will be some people there that are higher than 5th grade and they will pick up on my ability to be a class act. But, when cornered I have the quickest whit one can imagine and I can and will draw blood with my whit is I have too. I rarely allow anyone to disrespect me. Define the boundaries well and keep them managed.
  • Can you draw my juice out of my Ball Sack? i promise I'll respect you in the morning, Bitch.
  • They are all from the mother ship. I had to pay for singing lessons-dance-half of a cell phone bill. If anyone ever tells you that you only have to pay CS. Massachusetts has different rules. If you are a female, you get it all. I had to pay for a class ring not just a class ring. it had diamond on it...That blood sucking bitch...I hadn't seen my daughter in 2 years at that point...All I hear is that she will come around..hows about paying 1/2 of drivers ed. thats coming around.
  • I never see my ex husband & thankfully we had no kids together, but I'm now with a fantastic, gorgeous man, who has kids & step kids. 1 lives with us & 1 with his ex wife. The one with his ex-wife is autistic, so sh gets his disability, she's never worked & we only get to see him cos she wants to go on the piss(every Wed & every Fri, Sat night & sun daytime). Plus we get step daughters kids (his grandkids as such) every weekend too (sat day & night & sun daytime). So if I want a quiet weekend I make arrangements & we go to my parents. Its great there, we go out & about & have a good laugh. But not once in our time together have we had a weekend to ourselves & after working all week, I think we're entitled to it. Even if we had the kids on alternate weekends it would be something. I do all the cooking, housework & cleaning too. He just can't see it. Oh! the best bit is, his ex-wife the other day, went to visit an old neighbour, who'd just come out of hospital & when asked where her husband was, she told the neighbour he was dead!!! The neighbour saw him in the garden last Sat playing with the kids & told him. She didn't have the balls to say 'I screwed around & got kicked out'.He's also had all the text wanting him back. she's been told to get lost(or words to that effect).
    Sorry, needed that good rant.
    My sympathies are with you dealing with his ex.

  • You are not alone. My boyfriend's ex is a low life. She doesn't work becuase she says she feels it is better for the children. However she is just lazy. Then she demands my boyfirnd pay for everything. And then she insists she registers the kids so that she gets all of the info on the activites. then if she is having a conflict with me or him she either does not tell us about the activity or gives us the wrong dates times and location. The kids don't even want her around especially the boys. They want their dad there for sports etc. She is so insecure becuase the kids are her meal ticket.
  • OMG I swear this could my husbands EX Wife you're talking about!
    She has been nothing short of nasty and vindictive, and like your Man, his Ex was the one who ended the marriage...
    We also have both been married before and both have school age kids who get along great... but it only adds to her anger that her kids are doing great, and my husband has moved on in his life with me while she has remained single (due to being so nasty)
    She signs the kids up for year round soccer, hockey, baseball you name it, and then wants my husband to foot the whole bill, if or when he says no then she tells the kids that he doesn't want them to be happy and its his fault.
    My kids and I have also had to endure his Ex wifes schedule out of the guilt she lays at my husbands feet, and to boot, his Ex wife just filed bankruptcy after she "funded" a new boyfriend she had remodel of his house so it would be "good enough" for her to move in, and then turned around and hired a private nanny for the summer telling my husband that if her kids can't go to the amusment park, water parks, ect. EVERY DAY of the summer that they were being deprived! While I have to rely on my family to help me with daycare for the summer because I cannot afford all of that, she of course thinks my husband should do this or "he doesn't love the kids" I feel your pain... wish I could say it gets better, but I've been dealing with this crap for 4 years now, and sadly it's only gotten worse.
  • Lets see my fiance's ex......She has custody of my fiances child,but the child resides with us..And yes she STILL gets child support..The child resides with us because the ex couldn't make sure the child goes too school..She was taken to court for truancy,and my fiance was given temporary custody..He has talked to her about taking full custody of the child...He was asked by her "What can he do for the child the she can't do?"He responded " We give her a stable life." The mother resides with her best friend..All I know is when the ex is mean and nasty..Kill her with kindness..Oh, my ex and I get along great..We have 3 children together..We don't do the child support thing, cause we BOTH know WE made the 3 children TOGETHER and it's gonna still take BOTH OF US to take of our children even though we are no longer married.
  • I have BEEN there, baby. GET OUT while you still can! I made the mistake of marrying the guy, and things with the family only got worse. Now I'm with a man who has also been married before with a 16 and 18 year old, and this family is much better adjusted, and the exes are two states away.

    Things will never, EVER change. After 13 years, after my health and my sanity started to disintigrate, I decided it was time for me to move on. Regardless of how much I loved my ex, I couldn't take it anymore.
  • Lesson: perhaps it's not wise to get involved with someone who has not had some years to try and work out the relationship with the ex and the kids.
  • I don't believe your side of the story. I have to deal with 2 demented ex wives, both mothers of my children, on a daily basis. Despite your anguished plea, I have no reason to think you're any different.
  • I am in a similar situation. She only lives 30 miles away and when he gets mad enough he leaves me to go argue with her. Says "It's Just "Jane"", don't worry about it. His phone bill is usually 3500 minutes between the two of them. I have left and he begs me back. Last week I left for 6 days. He always says he will try to work on it, it last for about as long as I stay gone, then back to "normal" THe bad news. He suggested we have a baby of our own to help her get out of the picture...Being the wasily influenced I am now 6.5 months along. My health and business has detiororated alot. I Just sit home, and try to make it a happy household...never knowing if the bomb will explode when the phone rings.....
  • Sounds like my husbands ex wife. Except she takes them to the dr for a sneeze and enrolls them in all kids of church and after school stuff. WHATEVER will hurt us finacially or just hurt period, and my husband was like your boyfriend he just gave in. But after she manipulated the kids and they started acting like her, he stopped that . . . he just pays his childsupport and takes care of the insurance. He only does what the papers require him to do. He doesn't call them anymore and doesn't bug then about coming for their visitations.

    Its sad that it came to that because he loves his girls so much, we both do. But we lead our children by example and put our MARRIAGE first, because that is how God said it should be and that sets a good example for the kids that we are raising together. The other ones will eventually open their eyes and see what kind of woman she really is. Our door is always open for them and the only conditions they have with us is that they show respect for everyone in our home. And as for their mother we don't talk to her unless we have to and we only will do what the papers say we have to do for the girls. Nothing more.
  • Wow, I am really sorry that you are in that type of position. I sympathize with you. My husbands ex- wife is the same way. Lisa (the ex) constantly enrolls the girls in way too many extra curricular activities, solely for the purpose of making it difficult on us. She has remained bitter even after 8 yrs. She hates me and she makes sure her girls know it and unfortunately they are getting to be teenagers now and they have become her girlfriends instead of her children. The girls and I used to have a really good relationship but now they view me as the reason for anything bad that goes on. For example we had a vacation planned during the summer when we have them and she schedules them to go to camp that week without notifying my Husband.So of course the girls would not be able to go to Camp so she told them it was because I was not concerned with there feelings and only worried about myself.It is a constant battle that I see no end to (in the near future anyways). I will say that I am comforted in the fact other people (unfortunately) go through this too and I am not the only one.I really try to get along with her but it is the constant attacks from her towards my relationship with the girls and her constant belittling of my Husband that I have a hard time tolerating.
  • My psycho ex Kristin in CO is exactly like what is described. It's a nightmare, she is totally insane. Women need to seriously grow up. They justify their behavior any way they can, but the bottom line is that they are hurting the kid(s).


  • Yup. It happens all the time. It seems almost everyone has to put up with this kind of crap.

    At first I could not believe what my ex-wife was doing. The tangle of games is still unfolding thirty years after it started and still think there is more to come out.

    D.
  • WOW I AM SO AMAZED HOW MUCH RESENTMENT PEOPLE HAVE ON EX'S. DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU PEOPLE THAT YOU CARRY SO MUCH WITH YOU FROM PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS THAT NOTHING EVER WAS RESOLVED. THERE WERE REASONS WHY YOU WERE TOGETHER, NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN....GREAT ENEMIES....COME ON PEOPLE, NO ONE IS PERFECT. YOU AND THE EX'S GET ALONG WORSE BEING APART THEN BEING BACK TOGETHER..SO GO BACK TO THE EX'S AND RESOLVE...GEESH
  • I went looking for answers or at least someone to tell me they are going thru the same thing. I am in a very commited relationship with a man and we each have daughters from previous marriage. I get along famously with my ex, but not in any kind of weird way. We have been divorced for 11 years and have always made it just about our daughter. However, I am not here to toot my own horn. Last night is the latest of the ridiculous behavior of his ex. But first, I will start with Christmas eve, eve. My family graciously moved our family celebration to this night because my ex and his ex both have big xmas eve gigs. Fine, so we have it EVERY YEAR for the last 4 on Xmas eve, eve. My bf calls during that day to find out of he is picking them up at their mom's home or school only to be told that the older child will not be attending because she is going to babysit instead. WHAT. No, that was not the plan and my family will be very dissapointed. Tell her that we already had plans and she cannot babysit. Turns out that the x, who runs a preschool, had decided that am to hold a xmas party for her employees and delegated her daughter to babysit. WTF. knowing that we already had plans. Ok, that was one. 2nd, this past Sunday, we always have them on Sunday, my BF calls the ex to see what time he can pick them up only to be told by his oldest that they can't come over because they have to clean their rooms. but my bf said his daughter sounded really weird and dissapointed. Ok, 3rd. last night he goes to the school to pick them up and the X starts in on him, screaming, in front of the kids of course about what a piece of $%^& he is and how he doesn't do this or that. Which none of it is true and he wants to defend but she is completely irrational. Now, in my opinion, if she has issues with him or the kids, schedule a time to talk on the phone, or in person if need be, but not off the cuff when he is picking them up at 6:30 at night to come home to dinner (which I had on the table at 6:45). I get no call, no text, nothing. 7:30 rolls around and now I am worried they are in a ditch somewhere or I have this sinking feeling in my stomach that SHE is having one of her rants. I text the oldest daughter and tell her I am concerned and she says we are at the X's school. 8:30 comes and he finally comes home. I CAN'T STAND HOW SHE CAN JUST CONTROL MY TIME LIKE THAT. She has no regard for anyone else's time. she is always late to pick up the kids and changes schedules on any whim. I feel like she can affect my life every day and that feeling is so overpowering right now I don't even know how to process. The worst part is that it completely ruined our evening last night because he did not call or text telling me he was okay and would be late and he LET HER RANT for over 3 hours. I need to understand why he let's her go on and on. I am 1 million percect confident that he is not interested in her but does he need the drama?????????????????
  • I am in a relationship with a man i love very much. He and his wife are about to be legally divorced next month. The divorce date has been reset three times already, because of her being irrational. She doesn't have enough sense to know that he will do what is right regarding his children. But she just continues to make things difficult for him. Which in turn makes me stress out cause I know I will have to deal with her bullshit probably for the rest of our lives. Sometimes I just think that I don't need to deal with this and I should just leave him, that I would be better off if I was alone. But I truly love him and would miss him terribly. I hate the fact that she manipulates him by using guilt trips when it comes to his kids. She is always telling him that she doesn't want her kids around me, and he just deals with it cause he doesn't want to upset her. If after the divorce he continues to let her make him feel guilty and roll over and always give her what she wants, I have a mind to just tell him I am not dealing with it. I have told him before that she will always use the children to manipulate him to get what she wants. Doesn't she know that she is hurting her kids,by not allowing them to spend more time with their father. All because he doesn't want to be with her anymore. It does make me feel better that I am not the only woman on earth dealing with a situation like this. Sometimes it is just too much. I just wish she would find someone else with alot of money so she can stay at home and not work like she wants and drive him crazy. It makes me scared to even have a child with him. I will be damned if he gives in to her manipulation if we have a child together. I wish she would just accept things as they are and get off her ass and take her responsibility and not expect that he will have to take care of her financially. I will continue to pray about this cause Lord knows that I want to be with him cause I love him, like I have never loved any man before.
  • Wow... It never really gets any easier. When the kids are older, you deal with the ex less and less. In Manitoba, Canada, there is something called a Focussed Assessment Report. It is an experienced person who assesses where the child/ren would be better off. I dealt with a very unstable woman who falsely accused my hubby of abuse (he went to jail) charges were dismissed. The children were her meal ticket, and we had the kids all the time. She was very abusive to them and mostly to me. I was the evil new witch who wasn't going to last. I really hate it when people say that it has nothing to do with the step-parent. We take care of the kids, want what's best for them, spend our pay checks and time on them, how can anyone say we don't count as their parent too?! It's just crap. Most lawyers try and get you to bow down and agree. My advice is if the ex is truly abusive, gather witness statements, and evidence. It will hold up in court. It will continue to be this way until the courts of Canada change the way they do things.
  • Hmmm.
    This just sounds like plain old "Jealousy."
    I dont know the situation of why she ended the marriage between him and her but whatever it was she still seems to be dealing with it... in her obviously childish ways.
    I think that she's just jealous because he finally has someone that actually cares about him and she knows it, someone that obviously is a lot more stronger than her.
    I mean hey SHE ended it.
    Too bad she doesn't realize that.
    But honestly, I believe she's just a plain old jealous woman that wishes she had what you have.
    A strong mind.


  • Okay people, she is at it again adding to the Xmas BS and the 3 hour rant!!! This time, compleletly directed at ME. Daughters go to privave school and every year have a Daddy Daughter Dance. Last year, I took the girls shopping at their request and we have a very good time! and we found a cool store in a mall that we don't go to very much, making a note to come here for dresses next year. I forgot but the youngest was hell bent on going there this year. She asks me to take them both and we schedule, well in advance. Then we have to postpone 2 days and now their Dad can't be there until the end of time but that is okay with me and them. I take them, they try on 30-40 different dresses and settle happily on 2. I emhasize, THEY PICKED THEM OUT!! We find gorgeous shoes and Dad shows up just as we are done picking and pays! Nice huh!!!He is also pleased with their choices. We go home, everyone is happy. Girls wait a full week to bring the dresses to the psycho Mothers house who when she sees them, proceeds to call my BF and tell him they are not appropriate and will need to be replaced and also tells the children that their father pawned them off on me and he SHOULD have been there the whole time. NOW HERE THIS, I grew up being very modest and have a good sense of fashion and what is appropriate for what age and size child. One is tall and very thin and one is short and thick. Tall one got a straight halter top dress with ruffles on the bottom, she has self esteem issues and you should see how tall she stood in the pictures that I took!!! Short one got a trapeze style, very very flattering. sorry, I am skipping around. After screaming at my BF, oh, I forgot to mention, I already ordered corsages to match and we had already shopped and bought a tie and jacket to co-ordinate with both dresses. takes them to Dillards where they could by the same dresses as every one else, and buys them 2 new dresses only instead of getting the short girl a trapeze, she gets her a slim fitting mermaid dress which shows off all her rolls out front. and she puts the tall one who is 14 in a dress with a big bow, which she HATES, and then has her hair put up in pin curls and GLAMOUR SHOTS make up on them both. Also, the 12 yr old gets her long hair cut and straightned with a huge fringe. People asked me if she was wearing a wig, she looked so uncomfortable. This bitch has lost her mind. The #1 only reason she got them new dresses was because I TOOK THEM SHOPPING. and these girls are so afraid to stand up to anything she says for fear that she will cut them off like she has done to her Mother, Father, Sister and even her first born child who is 17. How will these kids not ever be screwed up???????????
  • My x wife lives in our home which is up for sale with my kids. The house is a pigsty. The realtor told me she is not cooperating with her to keep it clean. My ex always lived like a slob I always cleaned the house during our marriage. When the realtor has a open house she tells me the house is a mess and it is dealaying the sell of the house even with the bad market.
    My x wife says she is to busy, but has plenty of time to watch T.V.,go out at night with friends, and go on a a 2 week vacation with friends or overnighters on weekends. Any suggestions? Thank you.
  • My husband brought me to another state, his whole family is crazy, including his ex and his kids. I've been here three years living in this drama and all I can do is work, pay my bills and keep a roof over my head. His ex overdosed on prescription drugs mixed with over the counter shit and the kids came home from school last year and she was in a coma. She's 38 and brain damaged and living in a nursing home. Her mother is the in law from hell, wouldn't do anything to help the daughter all these years, even participated in the drug situation, now she wants to be the mother of the year. Husband has three kids with this crazy ass family, I can't believe people actually live this way. He kept the house in both their names because "the kids would always have a home" I explained to him that working class people like us couldn't move forward preparing a home for us if he chose to keep that with the ex. She let it go into foreclosure 3 times and now that he's been back there for the last 12 months living with the kids he let it go into foreclosure. I live across town trying to keep sane. I just found out today that somehow he came up with $6300 to pull it out of foreclose, where he got that money, I don't know. He's been out of work for a year living on temporary disability, has a government job and is crazy in my opinion, to jeopardize his job. I can't believe the shit people do to make others miserable. This woman almost died trying to prove something, so to all those ex's out there trying to be friends etc. I say if you can't be married and friends how the hell to do you think you can be divorced and friends. I say all those trying to 'blend' should move as far away from each other's ex as possible. Kid's will be much better off without all the drama in their lives. A divorce is a 'lose' situation. I think we all think it can be a win win, and create chaos in our lives trying to make the impossible happen.
  • After reading all this, I'm thinking I better get out of my relationship with my b/f who has the crazy ex-wife and 15 year old daughter. At least while I still have my sanity. It sounds like it never gets any better. And who needs it?
  • ll these gfs of these x's are talking all this shit about the x wife maybe their guys are assholes and deserve everything they get a woman does not do that stuff for shits ang giggles she is the left holding the bag while the asshole moves on with no trouble GOOD FOR THEM.....YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW
  • Wow, I just posted almost the same thing! I feel your pain. If someone hasn't been in this situation, they leave posts like the one I just read. They guys aren't assholes, their victims. The ex wifes aren't always victims, THEY reap what THEY sow and that is why they are exs. We all make mistakes, but some exs are life sentences. I wish I could help, but I haven't figured out what to do either. The anger towards his ex is what is eating me alive. Being the adult and not wanting play her games is an everyday test of character.
  • Well, dang; of course her ex-husband has been a nice guy: why wouldn't he be? If she marries, he doesn't have to pay her any more alimony -- and let's face it, it's usually the new wife who becomes the babysitter of his kids. So he has everything to gain and -- since his identity is not tied up in being a caregiver -- not a lot to lose. That said, ex-wives can be a PITA.
  • visit www.thepsychoexwife.co
  • has anyone ever done something that effectively stopped the ex from destroying their lives? legal or not? my bf's ex is now claiming my 8yr son is sexually abusing her 4yr son - is not happening, it is because we have less than a month before court for her being in contempt. what do i do?
  • I deal with it as well just got married and his ex girl friend still cant deal with the fact he married me. They have a 6 yr old daughter and she is using their daughter to make him pick.
  • Im in the same boat my ex wife keeps being a neusance to me and my new family she has remarried and still consist on taking me to court for any contempt of the divorce degree I have moved to different cities to avoid her games now she stalks me still continues to be a neusance by taking me to court for any contempt of the divorce degree she herself dont even follow the quide lines by letting me see my kids, im fed up my wife is too real fed up with all the court fees we have to pay this bitch of an ex just wont let us be:
  • My partner has been seperated from his wife for almost a year. They have two small children together whom i havent been allowed to meet yet due to her nasty games. My man is the most amazing man and loves his children so much. It is a constant legal battle with her not allowing him access to his children respectively. She allows him one day a fortnight for 6hrs with them, inwhich he has to drive 230km round trip. She spies on him and tries to get any amunition bullshit she can on him in order to portray him as a bad father that can not look after the children, which is certainly not the case. She does not allow him to see the children outside their house and will not accept the fact that he is now with me. I know she will do anything to prevent them from meeting me. We are aslo expecting a baby, and am so anxious to be able to include them in our new family without any hassles. The ex plays stupid games with my man her mission is to ruin his and our lives. she uses the children and does not put them at all first. its at the financial settlement stage now and i get so pissed off at this woman. She is doing all that she can to guarntee he gets nothing out of it, while she gets everything, ontop of child support, government assistance, free housing from her multi million dollar parents. i dont understand where the equity lies when it comes to family law. how is this fair? by the sounds of reading all the other posts this doesnt get at all better. good luck to all those men and women out there experiencing the same things.
  • I see someone else is dealing with an ex that is using their child to hurt the other parent. My fiance's ex wife is accusing my 6 yr old of sexually abusing their 6 yr old. Both are boys and her basis for this is that for 4 nights they slept in the same bed. When I was a kid me and my brother shared a bed, and I know most kids do, especially when they are the same sex. Why do these women think that anyone other than them is incapable of having a serious thought about the safety of a child, any child.
  • Honey i have been my honey for more than 6 years, she will never stop. Never. What matters my friend is how much you love him and his kids because love will defeat whatever she will pull next. Be open and honest, stand up for yourselves and quit letting her manipulate your relationship with him, she will not stop saying and doing things but you have decide when enough is enough. I left my man a couple times... moved out... didnt beak up but I stand by what I belive and how I feel. Its hard for him she keeps them so busy and when they want to se him she either yells at them or she has a excuse as to why they can not come for a visit or that I have to do this or that.... she doesnt matter to me, the kids she has that belong to man do and they know it.
    We live in the same town and trust me it is no cat walk. I am the outsider here. I have to face her and her friends and i meet her head on on any level. Those kids know I love them and they love me too and thats what makes me hold my head up high, I wont allow her to manipulate their feelings or his. And she knows she wont be manipulating me, I tried being nice... and I dont have the patince when it comes to someone who will always find fault with others even though they are the one who lied, cheated and still continues to behave as if she is still in high school and is trying to be one of the rich snobby girls that she couldnt be because of her uh hum back ground. You may have to put with up it for awhile but the kids can eventually decide that they want to live with you because of thses things. Just remember be tough, be loving and be honest. Eventually they grow up and if you show them you love them not paying for things but by making sure they know how much you love them, respect them and want them, and girl dont let anyone walk on you either and hopefully things will work out, God willing.
  • I just broke up with my boyfriend because he is in a financial mess with his second ex wife. They were married 6 months- had a baby together- and filed their taxes jointly-- to make a long story short 45,000 was the irs bill that year- my boyfriend could not pay it- so he settled with the IRS for 25,ooo. Eight years later the IRS is still trying to collect the difference from the exwife- and she does not have it- and his divorce settlement states that he is to pay the taxes for that year they were married. With penalties and atty fees the bill is up over 30,000. Guess what?- He still does not have it- but the court has ordered him to pay it- THis all happened 8 years ago- and he has been avoiding it. I am so disappointed in his responsibility over this situation. I think he has mishandled this - used very poor judgement. Now hw has to sell his house or Lord forbid- go make more money- something he has avoided because he does not want to give more to her for child support. I feel like a fool- I have dated this guy for 3 years and never was fully aware of the situation. It explains though why he went out of his way to be pleasant to his exwife- he owed her! No more dating for me- I have had it!
  • Your posting sounds llike my life right now, except that I am married to mine (at least for now). His ex- wife is doing the same to his 3 kids (we don't even see the boys now and his daughter is starting with her stuff. She nickels and dimes him to death that I have to pay for everything that we have, I was a widow with 2 kids and survived on my own, why can't these ex's do it also. I'm to the point I want out it has been 3 years and it has been miserable.
  • OK PPL make sure your new SO,DH,or NW feelings are gone all ill feelings are gone MONEY MATTERS are taken care THE DIVORCE IS FINAL before moving in together or getting married. LETS FACE 99% OF YOU ARE IN THIS BECAUSE YOU DIDNT GIVE IT ENOUGH TIME MEN GET IT RIGHT WOMEN ACT LIKE LADIES DONT BABYSIT KIDS THIS IS HIS/HER KIDS STEPPARENTS ARENT BABYSITTERS VISITATION IS JUST THAT SO HE/SHE CAN SPEND QUALITY TIME WITH THEIR KIDS IF THE EX IS RUDE& CRAZY DONT BE BURDEN WITH THAT THATS HIS/HER ISSUE GO ON MY SO HAS TO EXs I DONT BOTHER THEM THEY DONT BOTHER ME WE KNOW HOW TO ACT AND WHEN THEIR WAS A PROBLEM I DIDNT WORRY ABOUT IT CAUSE THAT WAS HER ISSUE LIVE YOUR LIFE WE ALL MUST ANSWER TO A HIGHER POWER ONE DAY EXs include
  • It is crazy that there are so many of us out there. My husbands ex is a night mare. She is crazy( institutionalized 3 times) she pops prescription pills and is a hypochondriac. She is always dying of something. She cant keep a apartment for more than 6 months. The latest place is full of every kind of trash you can think of. The step daughter has learned how to manipulate lie steal from her mother. She is with us every other week. When she is home with us things are fine. When at her mothers the calls are never ending from the ex and she blames everything on me. I let the daughter do what ever she wants. She runs free when at our home.( Did I mention my husband is a truck driver and is gone 2-3 weeks at a time and only home 2-3 days at a time.) She has accessed me of beating the child. Which has never happened. My husband took her with him this summer because she started running away from her moms house and staying out all night. Mom lies and so the kid so we never know who to believe. This last time home my husband caught her in the park with a 18 yr old boy. She went back to her moms and the trouble started. Another call, can I go over there and find the child her mom cant control her. The police were called. I got there at midnight. The ex said the 13 yr old daughter would not give her the cell phone, charger or pass word to open it. I went over to her told her to give them all to me and she did. I told her she would not be getting it back that her games were over. The police agreed that is what should happen and if we kept having problems with her they could put her in 24 hour lock up. The next day mom calls and tell my husband to give the phone back. Says the kid refuses to talk to either of us because we have ruined her life. She says she dose not want to come back to our house. Of course not. She cant get away with all this crap. Mom just wants the phone so she can use it. Mom dose not care about her daughter only what ever power being the mom gives her over my husband. She has taught this kid every night mare behavior you can think of. The child (13) is having sex drinking and stays out until 2 in the morning with all the other delinquents. How do you deal with a mom who is nuts and dose not care about her kid. Because of all the problems my daughter (19) has moved out and gotten her own apt. I cant blame her.We have been looking for job out of state to get her away from her mother. Who said my husband could have her if he moved to Michigan because she thinks I wont go. She told her daughter that when we get divorced she and her dad will get back to weather. Sorry this is so long , this is only one month in my life. Its been going on for 6 years.
    For those of you who say the kids will grow older and figure it out. You are delusional. They wont. They will just learn the same bad behavior as the ex has.
  • I am dealing with EXACTLY the same situation. I have been in a very loving relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now and we are getting married very soon. I love his two children very much and we all have a wonderful relationship - however, their mother has pulled stunts that are making it very difficult for me to ignore any longer~ We had a falling out recently and apparently i have acted in a way that hurt her feelings (whatever that was). so, i graciously apologized and thought that was it, but it seems the closer the wedding gets here the most evil stunts she pulls. Like changing up the living arrangements - our first "week" will start the night after we are married...Well, I decided (after many tears and frustration) that my fiance and i would postpone our honeymoon and keep the schedule as is and then take the honeymoon during the week she has them to keep the children on task and not confuse things. She won't talk to me - she goes through the children at every chance to get a message tome or she communicates with my fiance..I will not let her break me like she has broken the other women that dated him - I love him way too much to miss out on my happiness to give into her self centered, controlling ways - i just think to myself "the king has found a new queen" - then i call her a bad name in my mind...some days it works, then others', well, I just focus on getting married and how wonderful i will make my life - she is the past, i am the future...
  • You are all living my life! I am so glad to actually know that I am not alone....My now husband and I were high school sweethearts and started dating when I was 14. We split up at 17 and went our separate ways, but never STOPPED loving each other. During that time apart (9 years) I got engaged 4 times and had two children, he met his ex-wife at 18 and when she got pregnant with their son, married her. He then joined the army and got injured in Iraq. They had a very tumultuous relationship and he cheated on her many times and she put her hands on him and the drama continued until he sent her back to our home state while he proceeded to live in the Midwest. He incurs an injury in the war and comes home. At this point they had been separated for 8 months. He tires again with her for his son's sake and she gets pregnant again. They keep the child, but by then their relationship had gotten so bad that he left her for good two weeks after she had the last baby in June 2005. She continued to keep quiet about her feelings and never expressed any emotion and KEPT HIM AWAY from his kids.....He begged to see them and she refused. So August 2005 rolls around and they have been officially separated and we see each other again randomly in the street. He informs me that he and she are separated and he temporarily lives with his parents. We instantly form a connection. He files for divorce from her the next month. SHE FLIES off the handle. Telling the three year child that he is a BAD DADDY and she wishes that he were dead, badmouthing me in public and to the children and making everyone feel sorry for her. During the whole tenure of their relationship SHE never expressed any interest in reconciling, only when she became aware that he and I were back together , she started to become mean, vicious and vindictive. She sent letters describing herself sexually to my house, slashed my tires, begged him to come home, used the children as pawns. The last straw was when she attacked my husband in the parking lot and the police served her with a restraining order. She is a vile human being. She goes as far as to tell my stepdaughter that I dont mean anything and I am not allowed to touch her hair and nails. The only way to win ladies is to be the BEST stepmother/mom figure youcan be.....they will never stop, or ever get over it! Turn their negativity into positivity. Give LOVE to the children and ignore the trash and negativity that she spews, it is really hard....but if you stick to it she will be the only one who loses.
  • OMG!! I can't believe I found others in the same situation. I am a full-time step-mom dealing with an x that is more evil than Satan himself. The x became so focused on money and bashing us that she lost sight of everything around her. My husband was awarded physical custody in Feb 09.
    The x posts on blogs that I an a drug addict, alcoholic and have infectious diseases. The child comes back from visitation saying we are going to hell, telling the child I'm trying to kill them, having the child examined TWICE for false rape charges and on and on. Are there any sights out there for advise? Good luck all of you.
  • I hear you loud and clear. I myself deal with the same crap. My situiation is not good either. I have a wonderful future husband and we have a past. We dated in high school and separated, he got married I got engaged, both of us in long-term relationships for many years. We did not stay in touch through any of this. He got a divorce and I left my fiance. We dated other people after our long-term relationships were over. We found eachother again and started haning out. We got closer over a little bit of time. We had encountered much of the same issues in our past. We really hit it off again. After about 7 months we got engaged. (I know it's not a long time, but we knew eachohter from the past and have a ton in common). We planned to marry a year and a half later, now we are not due to finacial situations, but that is another story. I was introduced to his children after about a month or so. We hit it off they are great kids. I also have a child, but she is not my own, I am raising my neice. She is the falls between the ages of his girls too. All the girls get along really well for the most part. (kids are kids and don't always get along PERFECTLY).
    Anyway she is constantly on him about money. There were times when we first got together that he plan did not have enough money to pay his rent and utilitiies, let alone the childsupport. I actually paid child support for him a few times so she wouldn't be able to bitch at him. His job wasn't giving him enough hours and he also worked 2 jobs (still does). She had the girls enrolled in many activities and things that took time away from him. It was in my eyes a way that she could contorl him and his money and make for a difficult time with his kids. They were constantly busy on the nights that he had them through the week and games every weekend too. She also was making him pay FULL registration fees for all the activities on top of the monthly child support. I think she wants to see him fail in life to make herself feel better. She cheated on him with many men wihile they were married, and finally he left her.
    He and I are going on 2 years now and since I've been with him he has catered to her and I hate that. He does what she tells him. She talks to him like he is a pile of crap on the bottom of her shoe.

    The kids have become comfortable with me and really like me and she knows that. The oldest girl told her that she likes to call me mom. I am in no way forcing this on the girls in any way. If they want to call me by my name or mom that is fully up to them. I don't care either way. I love his kids and wish we could spend more quality time with them but it just never happens. I often encourage my fiance to spend alone time with his girls without me in the picture, like right now they are out doing stuff.
    The money and activity issue really pushes my buttons though. He has such limited time with them and it seems to be constantly interfered with. We love going to the games and showing our support but it is all year long not just a season or two out of the year. Plus she has been making him pay for all of this on top of the child support. We recently discovered that he is only required to pay half of all the activities. She has been getting the FULL amount paid to her. It clearly states in the divorce papers that his one half shall be paid to her, not the full amount. Plus if the fees exceed the amount of the CS then he is able to make payments. She has been draining him of his money since we've been together. I am mad over this and don't know what to do. Do I set up an invoice type of thing and give it to her the same as she does for him on occasion, and state all the money that he has over paid and deduct it from all the future fees? I really don't know, but EX-WIVES can be a major pain in the butt. I could go on for days about all the crap she is doing too, like how when it's his night to have them, she is always late and cuts into his time. And how the oldest one is always signed up for special classes to take away from his weekend time. Or how about the fact that she takes them to a school that is over 50 miles away so he can't interact with teachers, staff and school functions.
    Oh yeah this woman is a epitome of ex wives
  • After reading all these, I'm thinking I want out of my relationship. and I mean fast!!!
  • These posts are no exceptions to what I'm going through currently with my b/f & his ex (except for the fact that the ex has ACTUALLY come to our house and calls my house phone to argue..how she even got the number is unclear); however, What bothers me the most is that he CAN"T see past her manipulation. I've told him countless times that there will ALWAYS be a problem in her mind (and related to kids) to continue communication with him! It's starting to stress me out! If his time is focused on her, that means that precious time is being taken away from our relationship. Something is wrong with this! MEN REALIZE THAT AS LONG AS YOU ARE PAYING FOR, SEEING, AND DOING RIGHT BY YOUR CHILD, then you've done your part! PRAY FOR THE EX & MOVE ON! DON"T ENTERTAIN HER GAMES & MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY (or you may miss out on the love of your life)!
  • I sympathize, and I live an almost identical life to yours. My boyfriend's ex got everything, and still wants more and more, even though she was the one who was finished with the marriage. She badmouths both of us to their children, which is very confusing to them because they really love being with us and even just me. I feel your pain, and I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but I haven't found that to be the case. Just hang in there because he sounds like he's certainly worth it, just like my guy.
  • am in the same situation. My husbands ex lies constantaly and has done a really good job of teacher her children that lying acceptable. She is manipulative and cannot even hold a job because of her personality is deceptive and rude. I love my husband with all my heart, my kids really try to support me because the love me and they know how much i love him.. But it is becoming more and more difficult when the other have is just so distructive. Please help
  • Goodness! I have also had the displeasure of dealing with a psycho ex. She actually broke into the home and when my boyfriend and i walked into the house she said I had to leave and called the cops on me!!! Of course the cops advised her to leave or get arrested! (My boyfriend (her ex) and I have been together for 1 1/2 years now. (She initiated the seperation and the divorce which was about 6 months before I came into the picture)! After reading all these comments I believe I may have to rethink this relationship!
  • Well, My current husband was involved in a nasty divorce. She has been married 5 times and each time she remarries she tries to sue him for custody- she can't have any more children. truth is she's too old to be having any children at this point anyway.
    To make it short- during each custody fight each parent would spoil the kids to a disgusting level. The kids obviously caught on and would use that to get even more out of them.
    years later, he sees his error and regrets doing this deeply.
    in the end it's the children who were made "to never suffer or need anything"that end up suffering more. they just cant seem to get "the real world" into their head and are destined to be overgrown losers staying at home trying to live off the hog.
    The hog died years ago- we cannot support them our house is mortgaged to the hilt and yet they still "expect" something.
    the mom has since remarried to a very wealthy man and is having way to much fun traveling and living the good life to worry about sending money.
    we here however are stuck with two overgrown brats!!
    if he could only go back in time.....

  • I have been with my fiance for 3 yrs, he has 3 children. I was told by the 5 yr old Mom said I shouldn't be at any of the boys b-ball games because it is mom and dads special time! She has tried many times to get him back. I have dealt with soo much- now she's remarried and does not want "her" children at our upcoming wedding! Stand your ground, she's history and your not going anywhere! Nor am I. She continues to tell the kids he doesn't want to spend time with them and would rather be with me, but guess what- the oldest son is telling her he wants to live with US! Play fair, keep your mouth closed and they will see who their mother is. Good luck
  • I have vowed that I will stand in my x-wife's puddle of blood before I die!

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