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Dealing with ex-wife's games

Hello! My boyfriend and I have a seriously committed relationship, and have plans to move in together, and eventually marry. We have both been married before and both of us have school age children. My ex-husband certainly has his problems, I was the one that chose to leave the marriage, but we have found a working relationship that tries to always put our children's best interest first. He does not make problems for my boyfriend and I.

HOWEVER, my boyfriend's ex-wife is another story. She chose to end their marriage, however she is neurotic about him dating me. Without her in the picture we all get along beautifully. I love his kids, and my kids love him (and vice versa). Our children are friends and get along well, unless his ex starts playing her games. She is constantly saying things to undermine my boyfriend, and make their children feel like my children and I are taking all of their father's time, money, etc. (none of which is true - we are VERY family oriented, and constantly strive to put the children first). His ex continues to sign their children up for an absurd amount of extra curricular activities (up to 5 activities each), which is draining on the budget, and impossible to manage time wise (practices every night, and some BEFORE school, games every weekend!). She becomes unreasonable whenever my boyfriend suggests that they cut back on their children's activities, and threatens to tell the kids that "your father doesn't want you to play " because he spends all of his time and money on (me). He then feels trapped and feels forced to agree to this insane schedule.

He has attempted to talk to her many times, but she always pitches a fit, and gets her way.
Not being married to him, and even if I were, I do not feel that it is my place to tell him he should cut back on his kids' activities (although we have discussed it, and I have told him how it makes me feel). If I want to spend time with him, I have to cater to his kid's schedule, and so does my children.

My boyfriend is a wonderful man. He is as torn about this as I am, and he is trying very hard to come to some resolve.

It is hurtful to him that his ex-wife says such vile things about him and about me to the children.
I always try to take the higher road, and set a positive example for the kids. I think they see this (my relationship with his children is very good), but it is confusing to them when their mother tries to undermine us.

I'm sorry this post is so long, I just need to rant a little bit before I burst!

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of nonsense? I'm open to any advice.

Thank you!

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  • Kill the bitch!
  • Keep taking the high road. Eventually this will come back to bite her. Don't stoop to her level.
  • My ex points at me negatively when I don't have the time to spend with her and my older kids due to pressing work and current family obligations. I am made out to be the bad guy... and am constantly treated like garbage because of it. Hopefully the kids will see this alienation tactic for what it is... and will come around as I refuse to be pushed around by her means of manipulation.
  • Honey, I've been dealing with a similar situation for almost 3 years now - the mom uses the kids and their supposed "needs" (who the *$%@# NEEDS that many activities?? How about some down time for those poor kids? Tell your boyfriend that he is NOT REQUIRED to pay for all those activities. If he pays CS, he is not REQUIRED to pay any extra if he so chooses - but I know he is driven by GUILT. He needs to talk to his KIDS about their activities, and HE is their parent, HE is providing the $$, and HE has EVERY RIGHT to say "NO". I don't know about you, but my parents sure didn't coddle ME that way!! Let him know that this crazy ex-wife of his IS NOT GOING TO LET UP, NO MATTER IF HE PAYS UP OR NOT. She will ALWAYS find something else to badmouth him to the kids about. ALWAYS, until she MOVES ON in her own life. He needs to tell his kids and his ex-wife that he is willing to pay for ONE extracurricular activity, PERIOD, and STAND HIS GROUND. Again, the crazy ex- is going to badmouth him NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES, GOOD OR BAD. She will lie to her kids faces. He needs to COMMUNICATE with his kids REGULARLY, and he needs to figure out how to BE HONEST and STRAIGHTFORWARD with his kids as much as possible without totally bashing their nutjob of a mother. I recommend he tells them, "I am NOT trying to speak badly about your mom, but you deserve to have me speak honestly and openly with you, just as I want you to always know you can speak HONESTLY AND OPENLY with me."

    It will be a long road, my dear, and you will need to have MUCH patience if you are staying with him. In the meantime, check out the following forum - it will help you greatly, methinks! Good luck to you!
  • Oh, also (I wrote the above reply) - remind your boyfriend that maybe, just maybe, hie kids will actually be RELIEVED to have less activities. They are probably exhausted. HE NEEDS TO COMMUNICATE WITH THEM, NOT HER, ABOUT THIS. I also suggest you do some reading on Parallel Parenting. Hopefully you can get him past the divorce guilt and get him on board to being a strong dad for his kids - which doesn't just mean shelling out money and DEFINITELY doesn't mean following "Her Majesty" the nutjob's orders. His kids need to learn to stand up to her when she starts bullying them, which WILL most likely happen - mark my words! I don't know their ages, but please ask your boyfriend to think ahead to those tumultuous teenage years when those kids will ABHOR their crazy mom trying to run their every waking moment, and their mom will not know how to deal with them questioning her actions or backtalking her the way teenagers do. She will FREAK when they become more independent - and DAD needs to have taught them how to be strong.....
  • uh, do we have the same life or WHAT? Our ex-wife is supposedly the pillar of her little community (pop. 5000) she signs the kids up for so many activities (even though they are failing academically) JUST TO BE SEEN 24/7 and for her kids TO BE POPULAR. that is all that matters to her: for her and the kids to be popular and to trash the father and myself to the kids and her entire community! If you have your BF's support then go ahead and set house rules, but if you don't (like i don't; too much parenting by guilt) DISENGAGE! keep saying over and over "not my kids, not my problem" this sounds harsh but it is the only way to preserve your sanity; i've been dealing with this for the past 4 years w/ my BF. good luck, you're gonna need it!
  • I am going to suggest a book that I have learned about from a step-family support group I belong to. The name of the book is called Divorce Poison by Dr. Worshak (I think that is the spelling, but I am drawing a blank on the first name). It will help you deal with things like this.

    what this boils down to is that the ex-wife doesn't want him, but she doesn't want any one else in his life. She wants to see her ex-husband being miserable because he can't be happier or have a better life then hers.

    I had to deal with a lunatic when I got together with my DH.

    My suggestion is that you find a step-family support group and they will be able to help you with suggestions in dealing with this kind of crap. Also it will help you feel that you are not alone.

    Good luck with dealing with the raving lunatic.
  • I suggest sucking my d.ick.
  • I too have to deal with an X this weekend. I have always avoided X's like the plague. But this is a Wedding. I expect to be diss'd. I expect to be talked about. I am also aware of the fact that there will be some people there that are higher than 5th grade and they will pick up on my ability to be a class act. But, when cornered I have the quickest whit one can imagine and I can and will draw blood with my whit is I have too. I rarely allow anyone to disrespect me. Define the boundaries well and keep them managed.
  • Can you draw my juice out of my Ball Sack? i promise I'll respect you in the morning, Bitch.
  • They are all from the mother ship. I had to pay for singing lessons-dance-half of a cell phone bill. If anyone ever tells you that you only have to pay CS. Massachusetts has different rules. If you are a female, you get it all. I had to pay for a class ring not just a class ring. it had diamond on it...That blood sucking bitch...I hadn't seen my daughter in 2 years at that point...All I hear is that she will come around..hows about paying 1/2 of drivers ed. thats coming around.
  • I never see my ex husband & thankfully we had no kids together, but I'm now with a fantastic, gorgeous man, who has kids & step kids. 1 lives with us & 1 with his ex wife. The one with his ex-wife is autistic, so sh gets his disability, she's never worked & we only get to see him cos she wants to go on the piss(every Wed & every Fri, Sat night & sun daytime). Plus we get step daughters kids (his grandkids as such) every weekend too (sat day & night & sun daytime). So if I want a quiet weekend I make arrangements & we go to my parents. Its great there, we go out & about & have a good laugh. But not once in our time together have we had a weekend to ourselves & after working all week, I think we're entitled to it. Even if we had the kids on alternate weekends it would be something. I do all the cooking, housework & cleaning too. He just can't see it. Oh! the best bit is, his ex-wife the other day, went to visit an old neighbour, who'd just come out of hospital & when asked where her husband was, she told the neighbour he was dead!!! The neighbour saw him in the garden last Sat playing with the kids & told him. She didn't have the balls to say 'I screwed around & got kicked out'.He's also had all the text wanting him back. she's been told to get lost(or words to that effect).
    Sorry, needed that good rant.
    My sympathies are with you dealing with his ex.

  • You are not alone. My boyfriend's ex is a low life. She doesn't work becuase she says she feels it is better for the children. However she is just lazy. Then she demands my boyfirnd pay for everything. And then she insists she registers the kids so that she gets all of the info on the activites. then if she is having a conflict with me or him she either does not tell us about the activity or gives us the wrong dates times and location. The kids don't even want her around especially the boys. They want their dad there for sports etc. She is so insecure becuase the kids are her meal ticket.
  • OMG I swear this could my husbands EX Wife you're talking about!
    She has been nothing short of nasty and vindictive, and like your Man, his Ex was the one who ended the marriage...
    We also have both been married before and both have school age kids who get along great... but it only adds to her anger that her kids are doing great, and my husband has moved on in his life with me while she has remained single (due to being so nasty)
    She signs the kids up for year round soccer, hockey, baseball you name it, and then wants my husband to foot the whole bill, if or when he says no then she tells the kids that he doesn't want them to be happy and its his fault.
    My kids and I have also had to endure his Ex wifes schedule out of the guilt she lays at my husbands feet, and to boot, his Ex wife just filed bankruptcy after she "funded" a new boyfriend she had remodel of his house so it would be "good enough" for her to move in, and then turned around and hired a private nanny for the summer telling my husband that if her kids can't go to the amusment park, water parks, ect. EVERY DAY of the summer that they were being deprived! While I have to rely on my family to help me with daycare for the summer because I cannot afford all of that, she of course thinks my husband should do this or "he doesn't love the kids" I feel your pain... wish I could say it gets better, but I've been dealing with this crap for 4 years now, and sadly it's only gotten worse.
  • Lets see my fiance's ex......She has custody of my fiances child,but the child resides with us..And yes she STILL gets child support..The child resides with us because the ex couldn't make sure the child goes too school..She was taken to court for truancy,and my fiance was given temporary custody..He has talked to her about taking full custody of the child...He was asked by her "What can he do for the child the she can't do?"He responded " We give her a stable life." The mother resides with her best friend..All I know is when the ex is mean and nasty..Kill her with kindness..Oh, my ex and I get along great..We have 3 children together..We don't do the child support thing, cause we BOTH know WE made the 3 children TOGETHER and it's gonna still take BOTH OF US to take of our children even though we are no longer married.
  • I have BEEN there, baby. GET OUT while you still can! I made the mistake of marrying the guy, and things with the family only got worse. Now I'm with a man who has also been married before with a 16 and 18 year old, and this family is much better adjusted, and the exes are two states away.

    Things will never, EVER change. After 13 years, after my health and my sanity started to disintigrate, I decided it was time for me to move on. Regardless of how much I loved my ex, I couldn't take it anymore.
  • Lesson: perhaps it's not wise to get involved with someone who has not had some years to try and work out the relationship with the ex and the kids.
  • I don't believe your side of the story. I have to deal with 2 demented ex wives, both mothers of my children, on a daily basis. Despite your anguished plea, I have no reason to think you're any different.
  • I am in a similar situation. She only lives 30 miles away and when he gets mad enough he leaves me to go argue with her. Says "It's Just "Jane"", don't worry about it. His phone bill is usually 3500 minutes between the two of them. I have left and he begs me back. Last week I left for 6 days. He always says he will try to work on it, it last for about as long as I stay gone, then back to "normal" THe bad news. He suggested we have a baby of our own to help her get out of the picture...Being the wasily influenced I am now 6.5 months along. My health and business has detiororated alot. I Just sit home, and try to make it a happy household...never knowing if the bomb will explode when the phone rings.....
  • Sounds like my husbands ex wife. Except she takes them to the dr for a sneeze and enrolls them in all kids of church and after school stuff. WHATEVER will hurt us finacially or just hurt period, and my husband was like your boyfriend he just gave in. But after she manipulated the kids and they started acting like her, he stopped that . . . he just pays his childsupport and takes care of the insurance. He only does what the papers require him to do. He doesn't call them anymore and doesn't bug then about coming for their visitations.

    Its sad that it came to that because he loves his girls so much, we both do. But we lead our children by example and put our MARRIAGE first, because that is how God said it should be and that sets a good example for the kids that we are raising together. The other ones will eventually open their eyes and see what kind of woman she really is. Our door is always open for them and the only conditions they have with us is that they show respect for everyone in our home. And as for their mother we don't talk to her unless we have to and we only will do what the papers say we have to do for the girls. Nothing more.
  • Wow, I am really sorry that you are in that type of position. I sympathize with you. My husbands ex- wife is the same way. Lisa (the ex) constantly enrolls the girls in way too many extra curricular activities, solely for the purpose of making it difficult on us. She has remained bitter even after 8 yrs. She hates me and she makes sure her girls know it and unfortunately they are getting to be teenagers now and they have become her girlfriends instead of her children. The girls and I used to have a really good relationship but now they view me as the reason for anything bad that goes on. For example we had a vacation planned during the summer when we have them and she schedules them to go to camp that week without notifying my Husband.So of course the girls would not be able to go to Camp so she told them it was because I was not concerned with there feelings and only worried about myself.It is a constant battle that I see no end to (in the near future anyways). I will say that I am comforted in the fact other people (unfortunately) go through this too and I am not the only one.I really try to get along with her but it is the constant attacks from her towards my relationship with the girls and her constant belittling of my Husband that I have a hard time tolerating.
  • My psycho ex Kristin in CO is exactly like what is described. It's a nightmare, she is totally insane. Women need to seriously grow up. They justify their behavior any way they can, but the bottom line is that they are hurting the kid(s).

  • Yup. It happens all the time. It seems almost everyone has to put up with this kind of crap.

    At first I could not believe what my ex-wife was doing. The tangle of games is still unfolding thirty years after it started and still think there is more to come out.

  • I went looking for answers or at least someone to tell me they are going thru the same thing. I am in a very commited relationship with a man and we each have daughters from previous marriage. I get along famously with my ex, but not in any kind of weird way. We have been divorced for 11 years and have always made it just about our daughter. However, I am not here to toot my own horn. Last night is the latest of the ridiculous behavior of his ex. But first, I will start with Christmas eve, eve. My family graciously moved our family celebration to this night because my ex and his ex both have big xmas eve gigs. Fine, so we have it EVERY YEAR for the last 4 on Xmas eve, eve. My bf calls during that day to find out of he is picking them up at their mom's home or school only to be told that the older child will not be attending because she is going to babysit instead. WHAT. No, that was not the plan and my family will be very dissapointed. Tell her that we already had plans and she cannot babysit. Turns out that the x, who runs a preschool, had decided that am to hold a xmas party for her employees and delegated her daughter to babysit. WTF. knowing that we already had plans. Ok, that was one. 2nd, this past Sunday, we always have them on Sunday, my BF calls the ex to see what time he can pick them up only to be told by his oldest that they can't come over because they have to clean their rooms. but my bf said his daughter sounded really weird and dissapointed. Ok, 3rd. last night he goes to the school to pick them up and the X starts in on him, screaming, in front of the kids of course about what a piece of $%^& he is and how he doesn't do this or that. Which none of it is true and he wants to defend but she is completely irrational. Now, in my opinion, if she has issues with him or the kids, schedule a time to talk on the phone, or in person if need be, but not off the cuff when he is picking them up at 6:30 at night to come home to dinner (which I had on the table at 6:45). I get no call, no text, nothing. 7:30 rolls around and now I am worried they are in a ditch somewhere or I have this sinking feeling in my stomach that SHE is having one of her rants. I text the oldest daughter and tell her I am concerned and she says we are at the X's school. 8:30 comes and he finally comes home. I CAN'T STAND HOW SHE CAN JUST CONTROL MY TIME LIKE THAT. She has no regard for anyone else's time. she is always late to pick up the kids and changes schedules on any whim. I feel like she can affect my life every day and that feeling is so overpowering right now I don't even know how to process. The worst part is that it completely ruined our evening last night because he did not call or text telling me he was okay and would be late and he LET HER RANT for over 3 hours. I need to understand why he let's her go on and on. I am 1 million percect confident that he is not interested in her but does he need the drama?????????????????
  • I am in a relationship with a man i love very much. He and his wife are about to be legally divorced next month. The divorce date has been reset three times already, because of her being irrational. She doesn't have enough sense to know that he will do what is right regarding his children. But she just continues to make things difficult for him. Which in turn makes me stress out cause I know I will have to deal with her bullshit probably for the rest of our lives. Sometimes I just think that I don't need to deal with this and I should just leave him, that I would be better off if I was alone. But I truly love him and would miss him terribly. I hate the fact that she manipulates him by using guilt trips when it comes to his kids. She is always telling him that she doesn't want her kids around me, and he just deals with it cause he doesn't want to upset her. If after the divorce he continues to let her make him feel guilty and roll over and always give her what she wants, I have a mind to just tell him I am not dealing with it. I have told him before that she will always use the children to manipulate him to get what she wants. Doesn't she know that she is hurting her kids,by not allowing them to spend more time with their father. All because he doesn't want to be with her anymore. It does make me feel better that I am not the only woman on earth dealing with a situation like this. Sometimes it is just too much. I just wish she would find someone else with alot of money so she can stay at home and not work like she wants and drive him crazy. It makes me scared to even have a child with him. I will be damned if he gives in to her manipulation if we have a child together. I wish she would just accept things as they are and get off her ass and take her responsibility and not expect that he will have to take care of her financially. I will continue to pray about this cause Lord knows that I want to be with him cause I love him, like I have never loved any man before.
  • Wow... It never really gets any easier. When the kids are older, you deal with the ex less and less. In Manitoba, Canada, there is something called a Focussed Assessment Report. It is an experienced person who assesses where the child/ren would be better off. I dealt with a very unstable woman who falsely accused my hubby of abuse (he went to jail) charges were dismissed. The children were her meal ticket, and we had the kids all the time. She was very abusive to them and mostly to me. I was the evil new witch who wasn't going to last. I really hate it when people say that it has nothing to do with the step-parent. We take care of the kids, want what's best for them, spend our pay checks and time on them, how can anyone say we don't count as their parent too?! It's just crap. Most lawyers try and get you to bow down and agree. My advice is if the ex is truly abusive, gather witness statements, and evidence. It will hold up in court. It will continue to be this way until the courts of Canada change the way they do things.
  • Hmmm.
    This just sounds like plain old "Jealousy."
    I dont know the situation of why she ended the marriage between him and her but whatever it was she still seems to be dealing with it... in her obviously childish ways.
    I think that she's just jealous because he finally has someone that actually cares about him and she knows it, someone that obviously is a lot more stronger than her.
    I mean hey SHE ended it.
    Too bad she doesn't realize that.
    But honestly, I believe she's just a plain old jealous woman that wishes she had what you have.
    A strong mind.

  • Okay people, she is at it again adding to the Xmas BS and the 3 hour rant!!! This time, compleletly directed at ME. Daughters go to privave school and every year have a Daddy Daughter Dance. Last year, I took the girls shopping at their request and we have a very good time! and we found a cool store in a mall that we don't go to very much, making a note to come here for dresses next year. I forgot but the youngest was hell bent on going there this year. She asks me to take them both and we schedule, well in advance. Then we have to postpone 2 days and now their Dad can't be there until the end of time but that is okay with me and them. I take them, they try on 30-40 different dresses and settle happily on 2. I emhasize, THEY PICKED THEM OUT!! We find gorgeous shoes and Dad shows up just as we are done picking and pays! Nice huh!!!He is also pleased with their choices. We go home, everyone is happy. Girls wait a full week to bring the dresses to the psycho Mothers house who when she sees them, proceeds to call my BF and tell him they are not appropriate and will need to be replaced and also tells the children that their father pawned them off on me and he SHOULD have been there the whole time. NOW HERE THIS, I grew up being very modest and have a good sense of fashion and what is appropriate for what age and size child. One is tall and very thin and one is short and thick. Tall one got a straight halter top dress with ruffles on the bottom, she has self esteem issues and you should see how tall she stood in the pictures that I took!!! Short one got a trapeze style, very very flattering. sorry, I am skipping around. After screaming at my BF, oh, I forgot to mention, I already ordered corsages to match and we had already shopped and bought a tie and jacket to co-ordinate with both dresses. takes them to Dillards where they could by the same dresses as every one else, and buys them 2 new dresses only instead of getting the short girl a trapeze, she gets her a slim fitting mermaid dress which shows off all her rolls out front. and she puts the tall one who is 14 in a dress with a big bow, which she HATES, and then has her hair put up in pin curls and GLAMOUR SHOTS make up on them both. Also, the 12 yr old gets her long hair cut and straightned with a huge fringe. People asked me if she was wearing a wig, she looked so uncomfortable. This bitch has lost her mind. The #1 only reason she got them new dresses was because I TOOK THEM SHOPPING. and these girls are so afraid to stand up to anything she says for fear that she will cut them off like she has done to her Mother, Father, Sister and even her first born child who is 17. How will these kids not ever be screwed up???????????
  • My x wife lives in our home which is up for sale with my kids. The house is a pigsty. The realtor told me she is not cooperating with her to keep it clean. My ex always lived like a slob I always cleaned the house during our marriage. When the realtor has a open house she tells me the house is a mess and it is dealaying the sell of the house even with the bad market.
    My x wife says she is to busy, but has plenty of time to watch T.V.,go out at night with friends, and go on a a 2 week vacation with friends or overnighters on weekends. Any suggestions? Thank you.
  • My husband brought me to another state, his whole family is crazy, including his ex and his kids. I've been here three years living in this drama and all I can do is work, pay my bills and keep a roof over my head. His ex overdosed on prescription drugs mixed with over the counter shit and the kids came home from school last year and she was in a coma. She's 38 and brain damaged and living in a nursing home. Her mother is the in law from hell, wouldn't do anything to help the daughter all these years, even participated in the drug situation, now she wants to be the mother of the year. Husband has three kids with this crazy ass family, I can't believe people actually live this way. He kept the house in both their names because "the kids would always have a home" I explained to him that working class people like us couldn't move forward preparing a home for us if he chose to keep that with the ex. She let it go into foreclosure 3 times and now that he's been back there for the last 12 months living with the kids he let it go into foreclosure. I live across town trying to keep sane. I just found out today that somehow he came up with $6300 to pull it out of foreclose, where he got that money, I don't know. He's been out of work for a year living on temporary disability, has a government job and is crazy in my opinion, to jeopardize his job. I can't believe the shit people do to make others miserable. This woman almost died trying to prove something, so to all those ex's out there trying to be friends etc. I say if you can't be married and friends how the hell to do you think you can be divorced and friends. I say all those trying to 'blend' should move as far away from each other's ex as possible. Kid's will be much better off without all the drama in their lives. A divorce is a 'lose' situation. I think we all think it can be a win win, and create chaos in our lives trying to make the impossible happen.
  • After reading all this, I'm thinking I better get out of my relationship with my b/f who has the crazy ex-wife and 15 year old daughter. At least while I still have my sanity. It sounds like it never gets any better. And who needs it?
  • ll these gfs of these x's are talking all this shit about the x wife maybe their guys are assholes and deserve everything they get a woman does not do that stuff for shits ang giggles she is the left holding the bag while the asshole moves on with no trouble GOOD FOR THEM.....YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW
  • Wow, I just posted almost the same thing! I feel your pain. If someone hasn't been in this situation, they leave posts like the one I just read. They guys aren't assholes, their victims. The ex wifes aren't always victims, THEY reap what THEY sow and that is why they are exs. We all make mistakes, but some exs are life sentences. I wish I could help, but I haven't figured out what to do either. The anger towards his ex is what is eating me alive. Being the adult and not wanting play her games is an everyday test of character.
  • Well, dang; of course her ex-husband has been a nice guy: why wouldn't he be? If she marries, he doesn't have to pay her any more alimony -- and let's face it, it's usually the new wife who becomes the babysitter of his kids. So he has everything to gain and -- since his identity is not tied up in being a caregiver -- not a lot to lose. That said, ex-wives can be a PITA.
  • visit www.thepsychoexwife.co
  • has anyone ever done something that effectively stopped the ex from destroying their lives? legal or not? my bf's ex is now claiming my 8yr son is sexually abusing her 4yr son - is not happening, it is because we have less than a month before court for her being in contempt. what do i do?
  • I deal with it as well just got married and his ex girl friend still cant deal with the fact he married me. They have a 6 yr old daughter and she is using their daughter to make him pick.
  • Im in the same boat my ex wife keeps being a neusance to me and my new family she has remarried and still consist on taking me to court for any contempt of the divorce degree I have moved to different cities to avoid her games now she stalks me still continues to be a neusance by taking me to court for any contempt of the divorce degree she herself dont even follow the quide lines by letting me see my kids, im fed up my wife is too real fed up with all the court fees we have to pay this bitch of an ex just wont let us be:
  • My partner has been seperated from his wife for almost a year. They have two small children together whom i havent been allowed to meet yet due to her nasty games. My man is the most amazing man and loves his children so much. It is a constant legal battle with her not allowing him access to his children respectively. She allows him one day a fortnight for 6hrs with them, inwhich he has to drive 230km round trip. She spies on him and tries to get any amunition bullshit she can on him in order to portray him as a bad father that can not look after the children, which is certainly not the case. She does not allow him to see the children outside their house and will not accept the fact that he is now with me. I know she will do anything to prevent them from meeting me. We are aslo expecting a baby, and am so anxious to be able to include them in our new family without any hassles. The ex plays stupid games with my man her mission is to ruin his and our lives. she uses the children and does not put them at all first. its at the financial settlement stage now and i get so pissed off at this woman. She is doing all that she can to guarntee he gets nothing out of it, while she gets everything, ontop of child support, government assistance, free housing from her multi million dollar parents. i dont understand where the equity lies when it comes to family law. how is this fair? by the sounds of reading all the other posts this doesnt get at all better. good luck to all those men and women out there experiencing the same things.
  • I see someone else is dealing with an ex that is using their child to hurt the other parent. My fiance's ex wife is accusing my 6 yr old of sexually abusing their 6 yr old. Both are boys and her basis for this is that for 4 nights they slept in the same bed. When I was a kid me and my brother shared a bed, and I know most kids do, especially when they are the same sex. Why do these women think that anyone other than them is incapable of having a serious thought about the safety of a child, any child.
  • Honey i have been my honey for more than 6 years, she will never stop. Never. What matters my friend is how much you love him and his kids because love will defeat whatever she will pull next. Be open and honest, stand up for yourselves and quit letting her manipulate your relationship with him, she will not stop saying and doing things but you have decide when enough is enough. I left my man a couple times... moved out... didnt beak up but I stand by what I belive and how I feel. Its hard for him she keeps them so busy and when they want to se him she either yells at them or she has a excuse as to why they can not come for a visit or that I have to do this or that.... she doesnt matter to me, the kids she has that belong to man do and they know it.
    We live in the same town and trust me it is no cat walk. I am the outsider here. I have to face her and her friends and i meet her head on on any level. Those kids know I love them and they love me too and thats what makes me hold my head up high, I wont allow her to manipulate their feelings or his. And she knows she wont be manipulating me, I tried being nice... and I dont have the patince when it comes to someone who will always find fault with others even though they are the one who lied, cheated and still continues to behave as if she is still in high school and is trying to be one of the rich snobby girls that she couldnt be because of her uh hum back ground. You may have to put with up it for awhile but the kids can eventually decide that they want to live with you because of thses things. Just remember be tough, be loving and be honest. Eventually they grow up and if you show them you love them not paying for things but by making sure they know how much you love them, respect them and want them, and girl dont let anyone walk on you either and hopefully things will work out, God willing.
  • I just broke up with my boyfriend because he is in a financial mess with his second ex wife. They were married 6 months- had a baby together- and filed their taxes jointly-- to make a long story short 45,000 was the irs bill that year- my boyfriend could not pay it- so he settled with the IRS for 25,ooo. Eight years later the IRS is still trying to collect the difference from the exwife- and she does not have it- and his divorce settlement states that he is to pay the taxes for that year they were married. With penalties and atty fees the bill is up over 30,000. Guess what?- He still does not have it- but the court has ordered him to pay it- THis all happened 8 years ago- and he has been avoiding it. I am so disappointed in his responsibility over this situation. I think he has mishandled this - used very poor judgement. Now hw has to sell his house or Lord forbid- go make more money- something he has avoided because he does not want to give more to her for child support. I feel like a fool- I have dated this guy for 3 years and never was fully aware of the situation. It explains though why he went out of his way to be pleasant to his exwife- he owed her! No more dating for me- I have had it!
  • Your posting sounds llike my life right now, except that I am married to mine (at least for now). His ex- wife is doing the same to his 3 kids (we don't even see the boys now and his daughter is starting with her stuff. She nickels and dimes him to death that I have to pay for everything that we have, I was a widow with 2 kids and survived on my own, why can't these ex's do it also. I'm to the point I want out it has been 3 years and it has been miserable.
  • It is crazy that there are so many of us out there. My husbands ex is a night mare. She is crazy( institutionalized 3 times) she pops prescription pills and is a hypochondriac. She is always dying of something. She cant keep a apartment for more than 6 months. The latest place is full of every kind of trash you can think of. The step daughter has learned how to manipulate lie steal from her mother. She is with us every other week. When she is home with us things are fine. When at her mothers the calls are never ending from the ex and she blames everything on me. I let the daughter do what ever she wants. She runs free when at our home.( Did I mention my husband is a truck driver and is gone 2-3 weeks at a time and only home 2-3 days at a time.) She has accessed me of beating the child. Which has never happened. My husband took her with him this summer because she started running away from her moms house and staying out all night. Mom lies and so the kid so we never know who to believe. This last time home my husband caught her in the park with a 18 yr old boy. She went back to her moms and the trouble started. Another call, can I go over there and find the child her mom cant control her. The police were called. I got there at midnight. The ex said the 13 yr old daughter would not give her the cell phone, charger or pass word to open it. I went over to her told her to give them all to me and she did. I told her she would not be getting it back that her games were over. The police agreed that is what should happen and if we kept having problems with her they could put her in 24 hour lock up. The next day mom calls and tell my husband to give the phone back. Says the kid refuses to talk to either of us because we have ruined her life. She says she dose not want to come back to our house. Of course not. She cant get away with all this crap. Mom just wants the phone so she can use it. Mom dose not care about her daughter only what ever power being the mom gives her over my husband. She has taught this kid every night mare behavior you can think of. The child (13) is having sex drinking and stays out until 2 in the morning with all the other delinquents. How do you deal with a mom who is nuts and dose not care about her kid. Because of all the problems my daughter (19) has moved out and gotten her own apt. I cant blame her.We have been looking for job out of state to get her away from her mother. Who said my husband could have her if he moved to Michigan because she thinks I wont go. She told her daughter that when we get divorced she and her dad will get back to weather. Sorry this is so long , this is only one month in my life. Its been going on for 6 years.
    For those of you who say the kids will grow older and figure it out. You are delusional. They wont. They will just learn the same bad behavior as the ex has.
  • I am dealing with EXACTLY the same situation. I have been in a very loving relationship with my boyfriend for over a year now and we are getting married very soon. I love his two children very much and we all have a wonderful relationship - however, their mother has pulled stunts that are making it very difficult for me to ignore any longer~ We had a falling out recently and apparently i have acted in a way that hurt her feelings (whatever that was). so, i graciously apologized and thought that was it, but it seems the closer the wedding gets here the most evil stunts she pulls. Like changing up the living arrangements - our first "week" will start the night after we are married...Well, I decided (after many tears and frustration) that my fiance and i would postpone our honeymoon and keep the schedule as is and then take the honeymoon during the week she has them to keep the children on task and not confuse things. She won't talk to me - she goes through the children at every chance to get a message tome or she communicates with my fiance..I will not let her break me like she has broken the other women that dated him - I love him way too much to miss out on my happiness to give into her self centered, controlling ways - i just think to myself "the king has found a new queen" - then i call her a bad name in my mind...some days it works, then others', well, I just focus on getting married and how wonderful i will make my life - she is the past, i am the future...
  • You are all living my life! I am so glad to actually know that I am not alone....My now husband and I were high school sweethearts and started dating when I was 14. We split up at 17 and went our separate ways, but never STOPPED loving each other. During that time apart (9 years) I got engaged 4 times and had two children, he met his ex-wife at 18 and when she got pregnant with their son, married her. He then joined the army and got injured in Iraq. They had a very tumultuous relationship and he cheated on her many times and she put her hands on him and the drama continued until he sent her back to our home state while he proceeded to live in the Midwest. He incurs an injury in the war and comes home. At this point they had been separated for 8 months. He tires again with her for his son's sake and she gets pregnant again. They keep the child, but by then their relationship had gotten so bad that he left her for good two weeks after she had the last baby in June 2005. She continued to keep quiet about her feelings and never expressed any emotion and KEPT HIM AWAY from his kids.....He begged to see them and she refused. So August 2005 rolls around and they have been officially separated and we see each other again randomly in the street. He informs me that he and she are separated and he temporarily lives with his parents. We instantly form a connection. He files for divorce from her the next month. SHE FLIES off the handle. Telling the three year child that he is a BAD DADDY and she wishes that he were dead, badmouthing me in public and to the children and making everyone feel sorry for her. During the whole tenure of their relationship SHE never expressed any interest in reconciling, only when she became aware that he and I were back together , she started to become mean, vicious and vindictive. She sent letters describing herself sexually to my house, slashed my tires, begged him to come home, used the children as pawns. The last straw was when she attacked my husband in the parking lot and the police served her with a restraining order. She is a vile human being. She goes as far as to tell my stepdaughter that I dont mean anything and I am not allowed to touch her hair and nails. The only way to win ladies is to be the BEST stepmother/mom figure youcan be.....they will never stop, or ever get over it! Turn their negativity into positivity. Give LOVE to the children and ignore the trash and negativity that she spews, it is really hard....but if you stick to it she will be the only one who loses.
  • OMG!! I can't believe I found others in the same situation. I am a full-time step-mom dealing with an x that is more evil than Satan himself. The x became so focused on money and bashing us that she lost sight of everything around her. My husband was awarded physical custody in Feb 09.
    The x posts on blogs that I an a drug addict, alcoholic and have infectious diseases. The child comes back from visitation saying we are going to hell, telling the child I'm trying to kill them, having the child examined TWICE for false rape charges and on and on. Are there any sights out there for advise? Good luck all of you.
  • I hear you loud and clear. I myself deal with the same crap. My situiation is not good either. I have a wonderful future husband and we have a past. We dated in high school and separated, he got married I got engaged, both of us in long-term relationships for many years. We did not stay in touch through any of this. He got a divorce and I left my fiance. We dated other people after our long-term relationships were over. We found eachother again and started haning out. We got closer over a little bit of time. We had encountered much of the same issues in our past. We really hit it off again. After about 7 months we got engaged. (I know it's not a long time, but we knew eachohter from the past and have a ton in common). We planned to marry a year and a half later, now we are not due to finacial situations, but that is another story. I was introduced to his children after about a month or so. We hit it off they are great kids. I also have a child, but she is not my own, I am raising my neice. She is the falls between the ages of his girls too. All the girls get along really well for the most part. (kids are kids and don't always get along PERFECTLY).
    Anyway she is constantly on him about money. There were times when we first got together that he plan did not have enough money to pay his rent and utilitiies, let alone the childsupport. I actually paid child support for him a few times so she wouldn't be able to bitch at him. His job wasn't giving him enough hours and he also worked 2 jobs (still does). She had the girls enrolled in many activities and things that took time away from him. It was in my eyes a way that she could contorl him and his money and make for a difficult time with his kids. They were constantly busy on the nights that he had them through the week and games every weekend too. She also was making him pay FULL registration fees for all the activities on top of the monthly child support. I think she wants to see him fail in life to make herself feel better. She cheated on him with many men wihile they were married, and finally he left her.
    He and I are going on 2 years now and since I've been with him he has catered to her and I hate that. He does what she tells him. She talks to him like he is a pile of crap on the bottom of her shoe.

    The kids have become comfortable with me and really like me and she knows that. The oldest girl told her that she likes to call me mom. I am in no way forcing this on the girls in any way. If they want to call me by my name or mom that is fully up to them. I don't care either way. I love his kids and wish we could spend more quality time with them but it just never happens. I often encourage my fiance to spend alone time with his girls without me in the picture, like right now they are out doing stuff.
    The money and activity issue really pushes my buttons though. He has such limited time with them and it seems to be constantly interfered with. We love going to the games and showing our support but it is all year long not just a season or two out of the year. Plus she has been making him pay for all of this on top of the child support. We recently discovered that he is only required to pay half of all the activities. She has been getting the FULL amount paid to her. It clearly states in the divorce papers that his one half shall be paid to her, not the full amount. Plus if the fees exceed the amount of the CS then he is able to make payments. She has been draining him of his money since we've been together. I am mad over this and don't know what to do. Do I set up an invoice type of thing and give it to her the same as she does for him on occasion, and state all the money that he has over paid and deduct it from all the future fees? I really don't know, but EX-WIVES can be a major pain in the butt. I could go on for days about all the crap she is doing too, like how when it's his night to have them, she is always late and cuts into his time. And how the oldest one is always signed up for special classes to take away from his weekend time. Or how about the fact that she takes them to a school that is over 50 miles away so he can't interact with teachers, staff and school functions.
    Oh yeah this woman is a epitome of ex wives
  • After reading all these, I'm thinking I want out of my relationship. and I mean fast!!!
  • These posts are no exceptions to what I'm going through currently with my b/f & his ex (except for the fact that the ex has ACTUALLY come to our house and calls my house phone to argue..how she even got the number is unclear); however, What bothers me the most is that he CAN"T see past her manipulation. I've told him countless times that there will ALWAYS be a problem in her mind (and related to kids) to continue communication with him! It's starting to stress me out! If his time is focused on her, that means that precious time is being taken away from our relationship. Something is wrong with this! MEN REALIZE THAT AS LONG AS YOU ARE PAYING FOR, SEEING, AND DOING RIGHT BY YOUR CHILD, then you've done your part! PRAY FOR THE EX & MOVE ON! DON"T ENTERTAIN HER GAMES & MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY (or you may miss out on the love of your life)!
  • I sympathize, and I live an almost identical life to yours. My boyfriend's ex got everything, and still wants more and more, even though she was the one who was finished with the marriage. She badmouths both of us to their children, which is very confusing to them because they really love being with us and even just me. I feel your pain, and I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but I haven't found that to be the case. Just hang in there because he sounds like he's certainly worth it, just like my guy.
  • am in the same situation. My husbands ex lies constantaly and has done a really good job of teacher her children that lying acceptable. She is manipulative and cannot even hold a job because of her personality is deceptive and rude. I love my husband with all my heart, my kids really try to support me because the love me and they know how much i love him.. But it is becoming more and more difficult when the other have is just so distructive. Please help
  • Goodness! I have also had the displeasure of dealing with a psycho ex. She actually broke into the home and when my boyfriend and i walked into the house she said I had to leave and called the cops on me!!! Of course the cops advised her to leave or get arrested! (My boyfriend (her ex) and I have been together for 1 1/2 years now. (She initiated the seperation and the divorce which was about 6 months before I came into the picture)! After reading all these comments I believe I may have to rethink this relationship!
  • Well, My current husband was involved in a nasty divorce. She has been married 5 times and each time she remarries she tries to sue him for custody- she can't have any more children. truth is she's too old to be having any children at this point anyway.
    To make it short- during each custody fight each parent would spoil the kids to a disgusting level. The kids obviously caught on and would use that to get even more out of them.
    years later, he sees his error and regrets doing this deeply.
    in the end it's the children who were made "to never suffer or need anything"that end up suffering more. they just cant seem to get "the real world" into their head and are destined to be overgrown losers staying at home trying to live off the hog.
    The hog died years ago- we cannot support them our house is mortgaged to the hilt and yet they still "expect" something.
    the mom has since remarried to a very wealthy man and is having way to much fun traveling and living the good life to worry about sending money.
    we here however are stuck with two overgrown brats!!
    if he could only go back in time.....

  • I have been with my fiance for 3 yrs, he has 3 children. I was told by the 5 yr old Mom said I shouldn't be at any of the boys b-ball games because it is mom and dads special time! She has tried many times to get him back. I have dealt with soo much- now she's remarried and does not want "her" children at our upcoming wedding! Stand your ground, she's history and your not going anywhere! Nor am I. She continues to tell the kids he doesn't want to spend time with them and would rather be with me, but guess what- the oldest son is telling her he wants to live with US! Play fair, keep your mouth closed and they will see who their mother is. Good luck
  • I have vowed that I will stand in my x-wife's puddle of blood before I die!
  • I feel for this girl; however, as an "ex-wife" myself with very special circumstances, I find it difficult to believe that both sides of the story are being communicated fairly and justly.

    I too am considered the "bitch" ex-wife to a new girlfriend of my ex-husband, who I chose to leave. I chose to leave for all the right reasons; however, he and I did NOT hate one another. We recognized that we were both unhappy with the "marriage"-part of the relationship. We chose instead to part ways amicably (remain friends) and proceed through both a divorce and a house separation with as little problems to one another as possible. I left him in the house since he made the greater salary of the two of us and thus would be more equip to pay for the mortgage. We were in agreement about this. Over the course of a year we separated all of our assets, except for the house, which was to come last. Then, we filed for divorced (again we kept it out of court). However, we discovered that the house was not technically part of the marriage since he purchased it before we were married and the original title was not in my name. BUT because we had chosen to second mortgage during the marriage, I was responsible for the debt and had no rights to the house. After the divorce, he and I began discussing ways to separate the house so that I would be free to purchase my own home and go on with my own life. Unfortunately, along the way he met a girl who had a checkered history. She was a recovering alcoholic who had had her kids taken away by the state. She was 10 years younger than him and already had two kids from two different men. But my ex fell in lust with her and moved her into the house. So naturally, I pushed for him to proceed with doing whatever he could to take my name off of the house, but instead...he got her pregnant. Now, he had a pregnant, ex-stripper, recovering alcoholic who has had her kids taken away by the state living in a house that i am responsible for. I have talked to several lawyers about how to rid myself of his growing problem, but they all tell me to bankrupt. So I'm supposed to ruin my good credit, name, chance to even rent an apartment and get a respectable job if need be in order to separate from him and the "girlfriend" and regain my independence.

    PROBLEM IS...she hates me to no end. If I have to contact him for any reason, she sends psycho text messages to my phone. Actually, just yesterday her sister threatened me with physical violence. I tried to go to my ex to discover a way to resolve the anger issues, but he simply tells me..."You are the smarter one, so you have to tolerate her stupidity because you know better. Be better than her." Meanwhile I'm trapped into being a part of my ex's new and (FIRST) child by this psycho woman. I am clearly the victim here, and am being taken advantage of. My boyfriend simply advised me to stay as far away from the two of them as possible since the girlfriend seems threatened by my interferring with her scheme to walk into a "money situation" just by popping out yet another kid. He says I should fear for my life and while I do, I wish someone could give me better advice than file bankruptcy and ruin the next ten years of your life...by the way.
  • Honestly if your boyfriend can't stand up for himself, you and what YOU BOTH want, the his x and his kids with his x will run your lives forver! So I would definately think about moving in together and or getting married.

    I'm speaking from experience, I lived with a man for 4 years that had an x, with a child, he never saw her. I was told a bunch of lies. Then there was an x girlfriend with another child, that one he saw and also slept with, behind my back. He said he loved me, wanted to marry me, acted that way too! Unreal. But when that x called and it was constantly wanting something for the daughter, he paid child support and then some. We went on trips, bought her clothes that we never saw again. I finally had enough because I apparently had more ba!!s than he did, I had to say bye, bye. My life has NEVER been better! I'm now re-married to my x husband from 30 years ago and we now deal with his x together, not alone! We ignore her, she doesn't want to talk to him anyway for the sake of their daughter. She would rather run around town lying to everyone about him and me, they call her the local newspaper. But she has no idea what she is talking about! Never did. She has to be the center of attention, so does his daughter. They have to have the BEST of everything, but yet she does not work, she lives off the fine American taxpayers, scum bag. Woemn that expect their x husbands to pay for everything, while they sit n their asses, my new wife says they should be SHOT!
  • Great men do stupid things like MARRY STUPID WOMEN. Of course I (the new wife - yes, he has WISED UP) was pretty stupid in my first marriage also. OH thank goodness for learning our lessons only one time around. I am married to a good man with a WACKO ex wife. I LOVE and RESPECT him for all he does to try to keep her in check, but I really feel for the drama crap that he has to put up with him. KUDDOS one-hundred times over for taking the HIGH ROAD every single time. I learn everyday from him what is really means to be mature. Man, I wish she would fall off a cliff (see, I am just not a mature as him yet!!). Gotta love a man who can handle her and smile at me for loving him and still need to grumble for a few!
  • My husbands ex never raised her two boys. Too busy screwing around on people and then building her "its all about me" life. Seriously, worst mom ever!! Now she hates me with a vengance. Always telling her kids she is going to kick my ass, you know things that make you think" wow she is well educated and isnt trash at all." She has gotten her two sons so alienated from my husband and myself and spent endless hours digging up all the dirt she could on me. I can not even begin to tell you what I have been thru with the younger adolescent-holocaustic proportions. When I finally said I have had it -get off your ass and help she got my husbands last girlfriend to take over my job and do all the mothering work for her. She is facebook friends with everyone of his exs since grade school and is on a constant hate campaighn against me. She talks about how much she loves her sons and would do anything for them but has only bought them sneakers and cell phones for the majority of their life. My mom says she is trash and you can't fix that-life long problem, no cure. The best thing you can do is nothing. The best revenge is to live well. Its hard because she hurts those boys by jipping them out of a relationship with their dad but I hope sooner or later they will figure it out.

  • DOCUMENT DOCUMENT EVERYTHING AND SELF EDUCATE YOURSELF ABOUT "PAS" and then share with him and do what needs to be done! And then get your attorney on board and if you two cannot afford one ask family anyone you can do or go pro-se (not easy but you can petition the courts yourself and nail her on it and take the kids) save them now!
  • And so, what do we do ladies? We're head over heels in love and in too deep before we even realize how very very difficult this is going to be. How do you continue to feel the love after years of all the anger toward the ex? How many times do our needs get ignored because of the guilt our men have from the divorce? The documenting, the attorneys, the tears, the screams, the games all seem to outweigh the good times. So why do so many of us choose this life? Why are we the ones who have to foster all the anger and resentment towards the ex because our men rant to us about it and then get over it and are buddy buddy with the ex the next day? But guess what, we're still carrying the anger! I dont know how to deal anymore. Please help.
  • Dealt with this years ago! Bottom line try and walk away from the relationship...it wont get better! It will hurt at first but , its too much stress. Either that or have the courts appoint an attorney for his children.
  • just to let you know...i am in the same situation..only this woman always asks for extra money..and he gives it to her..eventhough she gets a ton of child support...ive been married to him for a month now...and really am considering divorce...its just unbelievable what this psycho ex wife does!!! my husband is awesome but at some point...you have to weight the good and the bad...most of the time...the bad out weights the good! one person can only take so much!!! my husband is so busy supporting his exwife that i have to support US!!!! im so sick of it and his kids are so spoiled he is constantally buying them stuff which NEVER makes them happy because they always want something else!!!!! i dont spoil my kids like that and dont believe any kid needs to be spoiled like that!!!!!! but the ex wife keeps him on the "daddy guilt trip" so he goes along with it. she signs them up for after school stuff and he pays...she plans birthday parties that hes not invited to and expects him to pay...and really...a 395$ birthday cake for a 9 yr old?!!!! REALLY?!!!! you are not alone...there are lots of us out here dealing with psychotic ex wives!!!!
  • Wow, Been there done that. It has been 12 long years now for me. Just wait until your child has become of age that you don't have to pay child support anymore. She went nuts. I have 3 years left on my son. Then I'm through. Good luck to all of you.
  • OMG! I'm not the only one dealing with an awful ex wife. She is so crazy. It was all about money, she gets child support as per the law for her 2 children and she still wants more. I have a child as well. Now the EX is saying that her kids now after 5 yrs don't like the arrangements at my house and she need to know everything that happens at my house when her kids are here. UM I don't think so what happens between my daughter and me is my business not hers.... Now she wants to move the kids further away from their dad. That is so crazy... She has called me the nastiest name. I have NEVER in my life have experienced someone like her. But yet I have watched her kids in the summer for the past 5 yrs. This will NEVER end. And then of course she has her little click of freinds that I'm sure they have no idea what she has called or said to me, just what I say to her, His EX is so 2 faced and a HUGH gossiper. She even talks behind her friends back to me (when we used to talk) if her friends new they would NEVER talk to her. She is such a FAKE B----!!!!!!
  • Well, after reading these posts, and knowing I am not alone, makes me feel a little better. My (to-be) ex wife, moved out leaving the kids at aftercare 2 weeks before Christmas and moved in with a "new" boyfriend. Since then Ihave learnt that she had an affair with her previous boss amoungst other things. The children (2 girls) are with me at the moment until the ocurts decide what to do, but her manipulation of guilt amazes me. She has made me feel like the guilty one even though she moved out to live with the boyfriend. To the extent of even expecting money from me, even though the children are not living with her. She makes unreasonable demands and expects 24 hour access to the children at the drop of a hat. She believes a phone call whilst outside the gate is sufficient enough "notice" that she will come visit. She behaves disruptively all the time, and has threatened courts and even my employment. As a previous post mentioned ... she does not want me to be happy ... This causes severe strain on my current relationship, although 99% of what comes out the ex's mouth is pure lies, it is always enough to add a slight amount of doubt. Yet ialways see mto believe that there must be some good in her and always hope things will change. I guess that the post is correct that they never will. Io can now only rely on the courts deciding the best for the children and hope that she does not lie her way htorugh that one as well ...

    I have now realised that all those psychological thrillers are actually based on a real life individual ... my ex ...

  • I see that you have meny comments about things already so i'll make mine short and sweet. talk to the kids, let them know you both love and care for them and will spend what you can but let them know as with everything there are boundaries to what you will spend and time you will spend also.we have a simular problem.we as a family plan things on our weekends that include all the kids.the kids will come around and see its their mother with the problem not ya'll...
  • I am having trouble accepting the situation that by husband should babysit his grandchild at his exs house. His adult daughter moved back to her mothers after her relationship broke up. I just feel it is in appropriate for his to do this. I believe his adult child should bring his granddaugher to our house. He cannot understand my feeling this way.
  • Obviously shes mad that he is mspending his money on you and your kids instead of her, My grandfathers second wife was like that she tried to brainwash him to hate his own kids from his first marriage and not have anything to do with him. It was obvious she didnt want him finacially suporting them so she and her kids could get all his money. But she died from cancer a few years ago and didnt get adamn thing out of her hatred and spite.
  • It's always about using men for money and fighting over money with women isn't it?
  • too msrried a wonderful man who was married to a manipulative, vindictive controling selfish person who pyschologically damages ger children to get back at their father! isnt this child abuse! yet the judge gives her everything while she purgers herself on the stand. I had a house and a decent bank account, since she has exhausted his finances and left him with nothing i have opened my home to him and his children. i have spent a ton of money to buy clothes( they come with no suitcase just the clothes on there backs) i pay for cell phones and all activities while they are here. i have set up special bedrooms and done everything possible o make their time here feel welcome and tried not to say a word about all the drama that is going on in court. in other words give them a less stressful environment than they have at home.My husband is broke from attorneys fees and child support. now he is unemployed an facing being thrown in jail if he cant come up with the support. My question is do i go broke too! how much is too much! I have children too and a elderly mother who needs my help. ( by the way his ex makes more money than both of us!) why are the laws so unfair to fathers! My ex and i agreed when we divorced we would rather leave the money for the children than fight each other in court and give it to the lawyers. and believe me it wasnt easy but we love our children more than we love ourselves. I dont know what to do anymore i am struggling too with work. This economy has killed my industry. i am facing possibly having to sell my home. We have begun to argue alot i dont think he realizes what this constant stress about money and drama with the ex and yes the kids has done to me. my step daughter always wants and wants! she doesnt understand our finacial situation.I am responsible for all the bills and now possibly his child support or i loose my husband to jail! Oh and i know no one can believe he is a great guy...too nice thats why he is where he is. how do i deal with this ???we went the legal route and got slammed so that is not an option........$15,000 dollars for nothing.
  • I will terrorize My ex hubby and his new wife til I die as he is a pedophile and for some reason the state did NOT CARE! I love how the law works. I showed her all the documentation as my problem originally only was with him, I felt obligated as she had kids living in her home. Her snide reply was "I like to experiment"....Maybe its an aries thing :)
  • I have to say my piece because I am one of the EX WIVES. My husband was having an affair behind my back, and ended up leaving me for her, and now they are married. I have my daughters in their activities, but I pay for it all because thats how much I do not want to be involved with him anymore, and move on with my life. However, it is my ex husband's new wife who is constantly falsely accusing me if all kinds of things and manipulating my ex into hating me and not even speaking with me. And because of all the stereotyping of the ex wife always being the bitter one, he believes it, but whether it is the new wife or the ex wife who is bitter and jealous, it is true you will reap what you sow and eventually people will see the truth. If a woman chooses to get involved with aman who is still married or just got divorced then you need to be prepared for what is to come. IF that man cheated and lied to the ex wife he will end up doing the same to you.
  • Second wives need to accept they are never going to replace or outdo the First wife. If it was a long marriage of at least 10years or more the man will always be comparing her to the first wife. Especially if SHE divorced him for cheating and being horrible in general and first wife would not take him back.She is probably the rebound for his loss.
    It is really funny to see how much the new wife hates the first/previous wife in many cases and this really shows that it is because there is doubt in the new womans mind that she will be the next one he cheats on or is constantly reminded by his coldness and moments of ignoring the new wife that he is lamenting his old life and love(s)
    I find it odd how men many times seek out new flings or women after a substantial relationship that look VERY similar to the old wife.
    I personally would never change a thing about myself as husband asked me to dye my hair for him. Funny he picked women consistently who had my same coloring and haircolor time and time again and married the older more wrinkled version of me.
    I really do not think some men ever truly try to stop replacing the first love and wife especially if she ended it. This is EXACTLY why I will never date a man who was married before or at least one who was married for many yrs.
  • This is my life, except we're married now. I've been searching for support on this very topic, thank you for posting this!
  • Would you people get a clue? Don't get into relationships with people that don't have their past relationships resolved both internally and in a legal sense!! Don't you deserve a guy that is focused on YOU, not still wrapping up with the ex? Or are you so insecure that you don't think you do? Think about it...
  • I am trying to deal with my boyfriend's crazy ex-wife. He decided to divorce her before we got involved. The kicker is that she was a terrible wife to him, and neither of them was happy for years and years. They have children together and she is constantly (and VERY unhealthily) hiding behind them for her own immaturity. The woman blames me for her marriage falling apart (not the fact that she would physicllly throw things at him or emotionally abuse him every day and treat him like trash) I work with children and actually look forward to being step mother, but she wants to paint me as the devil just because he doesn't love her anymore and he loves me. He is a great father, but she tries to pit their daughters against him. She tells them that if they love their father, then they don't love her. She stalks me. I have had to block her from my phone, and my email, and she even had a friend of hers key my car ! The woman is crazy but everyone feels "so bad" for her cause he left her. I have never done anything to her, but she constantly tries to say that I am the worst person alive and even said that she hopes I am barren ! I love my boyfriend and I will never leave him, despite her efforts. I just wish she would get over it and leave me alone. It's not MY fault she was a lousy wife ! She's even gone on and on saying how he loved her on their wedding day- well, duh ! But guess what honey- that was YEARS ago- He doesn't love you anymore, how about move on and be an ADULT ! Grow up for your childrens sake !
  • I fucking love the comment. "Kill the bitch!" IF ONLY!! -Nattie
  • Holy hell I'm not the only one! I feel everyone's pain, believe me. My boyfriend's ex is literally insane. She has bpd and refuses to get treatment. We live in Florida and she's in Long Island with my boyfriend's daughter and let me tell ya, it's like she's around the corner from us. She mistreats my boyfriend's daughter, callus her names, tells her she doesn't like her, and has even put a pillow over her face because "she wouldn't stop crying". Now I'm the crazy one because I got upset when I saw my boyfriend's daughter cry at her dance recital. This girl (she is not a woman) has insulted my 2 year old son more times than I remember and continues to downtalk my boyfriend every chance she gets. The past few days have been nasty for me. I let this thing control my moods and from that my child and boyfriend have seen a side of me I don't like. Today, my brother gave me the best advice to deal with the situation, and I want to share it with all of you. He said "do you love your boyfriend? Do you want to be with him and make a life together? If you do, remove yourself from this equation and let him deal with it. The more you know the more she's going to control YOUR relationship. Do NOT let this person run your life. Let him deal with it. If you keep listening to all this negativity, eventually you'll start to resent him AND his kid(s). Just don't even mention her name in your home, otherwise she is THERE." I hope everyone's problems settle out soon, cuz I know it's a shitty thing to be dealing with. God bless.
  • I went looking today because like the majority of you above I am in a similar situation and just wanted to be in like company. It is wonderful to know I am not alone. I have been married to my soulmate for 6 years and have known him for 10 years. This is our 2nd marriage for both of us. My ex-husband gave us minimal grief through my son and the amounted to no more than 1 year due to the fact that he was 17 years old when we got together. He ex-wife is another story. His children were 2, 3 4 when we started dating seriously, and she is a nightmare from hell that will not go away. All of you that think this is going to get better or you should have paitience, think again. I have taken the "high road" for the last 10 years only to have my husband falsely accused this last January. She coached the children because we had sole custody, and she could not afford an attorney to get them back. Well all three of them are living there now, it does not matter in our state if you prove you innocence, once gone, they stay gone. This is a woman who has not worked full-time in the last 10 years, has moved a minimum of 6 times in the same amount of time only to return home to "mommy" at the good old age of 39 (the last time). Everyone in her life enables her which just spurs her on even more. She now has $1000 a month from my husband, and once she received that she cut her hours (she was only working part-time). Yes, that is right cut them. Please beware, these type of people never change, they only drag down everyone around them. I and my husband are living testiments to that. I wish you all the best in your endeavors.
  • Keep taking the high road. Eventually this will come back to bite her. Don't stoop to her level
  • Ive been with my boyfiend for 6 years and everytime I think things might turn around with his xwife... Im proven wrong, I agree that things dont get any easier dealing with these women with time. His xwife has proven time after time to do and say Anything to get her way. His xwife has also moved 7 times in the last 6 years and each time wants the children to attend the school from her residents, so that she doesnt have to drive them and they can ride the bus. I aloud this for 2 years, I drove the children across town, even though she chose to move that far in the first place. When I finally put my foot down with her fourth move, my boyfriend tells her they will be attending school from our house. When she realizes her xhusband isnt going to give in she places clear and present danger charges against me saying I drink and drive with the children in the car, and I have a beer for breakfast in the morning... The charges where dropped. We found out later that her own husband had a DUI. My boyfriends xwife and her husband also knocked 3 teeth out of the oldests mouth... the uncle was going to testify untill threatend he'd be accused of malestation charges. She posts crap about us openly on her facebook and tells anyone who will listen that were trash and we buy the childrens love with drug money and that Im a alcoholic drug addict and dealer. Her father finally cut her off financialy, so now she wont let the children see their grandparents. This women has the nerve to post that she's busted her a** the last 6 years to provide for her children without any help. Funny thing is she's barely even worked part time hours and sometimes hasnt even worked at all. She gets child support but isnt satisfied with that, shes going around telling everybody that were drug dealers now so we dont have to pay her as much support. This women has 5 children with 3 different men and is currently getting her 3rd divorce. While my boyfriends xwife and boyfriend where out looking for a place to move into together she was leaving the children with the husband that knocked out the eldest ones teeth! Im almost tempted to say I couldnt believe it, but common who am I kidding, Ive come to expect this from her. She told CSD that she was leaving this husband because of this abuse, which he was convicted of by the way, So leave the children with him while you go out and look for a new place with your new boyfriend! Wow. Anyways we went and got the children with her permission, so they could be with us if they wernt going to be with her. Im all to aware that some people dont change and this womens one of them. Ive been dealing with her bullcrap for 6 years and have come to realize that Im not the only one who has to deal with this! These women with children are very sad manipulating people that use there children to float through life putting all responsibility on others. It almost makes me think they thought by having children they could just set back and gather in the dow. Good Luck, & only with unfailing love towards our boyfriends and their children will these situation ever be tolerable.
  • I think I have everyone beat with drama. My ex married my bf ex wife. If was for revenge. And she loves to get his kids against him n tried to get mine against me. She tells my kid very nasty things about me and my ex does not believes her. I just wish she would fall off the face of the earth.
  • PS -prove that the kids are not excelling at school-document -first get permission for therapy and if you have to-go to court to have agreement -or amend -have your ex communicate via email only -hold on to it-give her as little as possible and she will "fall" hell she might even move on-lots of tricks see a good lawyer-bury it with your own resolution -teach the lesson their ma and pa didn't
  • PS -prove that the kids are not excelling at school-document -first get permission for therapy and if you have to-go to court to have agreement -or amend -have your ex communicate via email only -hold on to it-give her as little as possible and she will "fall" hell she might even move on-lots of tricks see a good lawyer-bury it with your own resolution -teach the lesson their ma and pa didn't
  • I have you all beat with rants: My ex was collecting trmporary alimony and remarried. Upon filing a motion to terminate...the judge drnied my request. Now the ex AND her ''balless''husband collect my alimony! What a man!(statute 2A 34-25) NICE MOVE YOUR HONOR!
  • I am going through the exact same thing...I am now finally married to my husband, but I can only say that I was aware of all his ex wife drama when I entered marriage with him. Its crazy though, because she only tries to manipulate his life when her life isnt going well, such as relationships and so on. She always judges my past and my parenting. The worst part is trying to make my husband realize her ways. She use to contact him about the dumbest things, stuff that was in no way relevent to their parenting relationship. You have to put your foot down with your significant other. I respect my husband for leaving a bad relationship, especially when I know that he gave up being in his kids life full time. But I also made him understand that I was his current wife, and if he could leave their "relationship" in the past, then he could leave me in the past, and thats that. We have a child together as well, and I can understand its hard for him to balance both families. But it was his choice to enter the relationship with me..the best thing you can do is explain to him your feelings, and try to understand how this puts him in a hard position as well, if he defends you and stands up to her, then she will make it difficult for him to be a part of the kids life, and if he doesnt then he risks losing you...if you love him, just support him and dont bring her up ever, dont show jealousy, and try to act as though she doesnt exist, act like your his one and only, you will make it through, and eventually she will give up. GOOD LUCK
  • Sounds like a hot mess. All of it.
  • I was in a similar situation for the first few years of my relationship with my now-husband and his ex-wife. Almost from the moment we started dating, she began accusing any and everyone of abusing (physical/sexual) her son (3 yrs old at the time). She even accused my TWO YR OLD SON of abuse! None of the charges ever materialized into anything more than false accusations (though, legally, she couldnt be charged because her intent couldn't be proven). Then one summer when my step-son was 4, she decided my husband and the environment we provided wasn't safe for him and she basically skipped town. I found the TX penal code dealing with interference with child custody and we were able to make the police file a report after showing them a printout of the actual code. The detective told us that she was hopping around to different battered women's shelters in the area, claiming that her "husband" was abusing her and she feared for her life. This went on for the entire summer. Then, when it school started and it was time for regular weekend visitation, she miraculously reappeared and we were able to pick him up. Suddenly, he was safe with us again. Go figure. She eventually turned herself in and was given 5 yrs probation and deferred adjudication for the state jail felony. Needless to say, she has been on her P's and Q's ever since. She knows I'm not even remotely clueless and am not shrinking violet. I had it out with her only once. She called me ranting and raving while my husband was out of town. I called hubby and told him to tell her to leave me alone. She told him I had to have him fight my battles for me. Me, at the youthful age of 21, was not about to have my backbone questioned. She still called me back and then proceeded to tell me that she didn't like my attitude and I disrespected her. Ho Ho, I had a field day with that one, reminding her that I was ALWAYS civil, though she has accused me and my son of molesting a child, bad-mouthed me to everyone she could, etc. That was about 8 years ago. Things have finally calmed down, though we've had a lot less drama since she remarried and had another child (oddly born two days before our child together). But the idea of her still irks me because I am always on my guard. I never know when she is gonna go back to the old version of herself. Her second marriage lasted a few months and guess what, she went back to using my husband's name, even though all her legal documents show her maiden name as her legal name. She has a child with her most recent ex, I don't understand why she wouldn't take her ex's name to match her younger child's name. I would think it would be more confusing to have the same last name as your oldest child, but not your youngest. Just a little backwards. I don't know about all of your ex's, but this one was diagnosed long ago as bipolar, so she sometimes skips her meds. We can always tell when she does...I don't know if any of this will help you, but just know that you have to be strong, your BF or husband has to be with you, not against you, and you have to do your homework. I love my husband and I can assure you not all ex's are like these horrible ones. My husband and I separated before we were married (after we had our child) for a year and a half and we got along great. We put the kids first, shared custody, shared support, communicated frequently, etc. He always uses our situation when any of his friends finds themselves dealing with unreasonable ex's. I am proud of our maturity and am never embarrassed to explain how we were able to do it. At the time of our separation, I was just about the age she was when they got divorced, so age doesn't have anything to do with it. Good luck! If you truly love him and he loves you, then talk it out with him and help him realize that she only holds the cards he has given her. If he takes them away, it levels the playing field and things will become more manageable. If she sees that you refuse to pander to her, she will (hopefully) give up.
  • I got divorced just a few months ago and my ex is acting up and acting out, but I'll tell you this.

    1. Thank God we never had kids and
    2. Everytime I hear from my ex it just makes me love my new girlfriend even more
  • All of these posts are ranting about the "crazy" ex-wives. Just want to clarify, there ARE sane ex-wives out here and just want what's best for our kids. We don't give a damn who the ex is screwing today, b/c 9 times out of 10 it will be a different one in a month or so. We are the ones that will stand up for our kids and go head to head with the ex and whomever the SO is at the time, to guarantee that. Seriously, we, the ex-wives are not all crazy and certifiable....or else we'd still be married to the DH you're now so smitten with!
  • R u ok? Thoue r his kids deal with it! Get a job n help. Support the kids liike a step mom should, or chut up ur not the wife
  • Had a very experienced family counsel say that the only successful blended family was one where each biological parent establishes boundaries and disciplines their own kids themselves. Step-parent stays out of it. period. If not, loosey goosey (& non-coordination) results in broken 2nd families.

    I should think that this would apply to dealing with EXs too. With a 50% divorce rate with 1st families, what's it for 2nd families: 80%?

    That's why you need an exit plan and financial independence.
  • Your a stupid bitch, you have no business gettin involved with their issues. You with a man that has an ex wife an children, you knew that going into it so stop making it about you you selfish cunt
  • I AM RIGHT THERE WITH YOU ! MY DH's EX WIFE IS PSYCHO !!!!! She paints herself as this wonderful person and is the worst mother I have ever seen in my life ! She's selfish, bitter and angry ALL THE TIME - about EVERYTHING !!!

    She cares only about money. Nothing else. Not her children. Just money.

    I feel your pain ! I love my DH and his kids, but I will NOT be sad when his INSANE ex kick the bucket (hopefully sooner rather than later) - She deserves to die !
  • My boyfriend ex at first I was okay with her but now its a no no. I began knowing her ways of acting nice but she stabs u in the back. She has kids together so she's using that a lot. Recently she has her friends harrasing me n she making Facebooks under my name to tell my bf that im the one that harrasses her. She doesn't leave him a lone n textes him all the time. We had a talk with her but she doesn't get it. Its so bad that I'm doubting my bf n wheather to stay with him or not.
  • My boyfriend ex at first I was okay with her but now its a no no. I began knowing her ways of acting nice but she stabs u in the back. She has kids together so she's using that a lot. Recently she has her friends harrasing me n she making Facebooks under my name to tell my bf that im the one that harrasses her. She doesn't leave him a lone n textes him all the time. We had a talk with her but she doesn't get it. Its so bad that I'm doubting my bf n wheather to stay with him or not.
  • My ex-wife already had 4 kids, by two different men, before we married. I was her third husband. I ended up adopting the 2 younger kids, due to their biological father pleading guilty to, and going to prison, for sexually molesting their older sister when she was 4 and 5 years of age. The marriage only lasted 7 years, but seemed like an eternity. Her true self surfaced during the first year of our marriage. She kept a constant battle going between her and her two ex-husbands. It was those feuds that made me realize I had married a liar and a deceiver. She would tell the kids lies about their biological fathers, and vice versa. She financially destroyed me. We lost our home. Knowing that I would be her next victim to face the chopping block, I mustered up enough courage to file for divorce. She told every lie she could think of. She signed up my 2 adopted kids in extracurricular activities [such as football, ROTC, dances], just anything that would keep the kids away from me and would cost me extra money. Because of the lack of quality time with the children and her constant lies, the kids and I today have no contact whatsoever. Both kids are now in their mid and upper twenties. I am sorry to hear what you have to deal with. I only hope it doesn’t end badly for you and the kids.
  • My boyfriend and his ex have a 5yr old. We've been together for almost 2yrs nd his daughter has already told me that she loves me we get along perfectly well, BUT her stupid immature mother is a whole other story. She's 26, my bf is 25 and I'm 22. She's very very immature she's been nothing but drama since my bf and I got together. She would always text him things saying that they should get back together and that im nothing but a stupid immature little girl...and a whooole bunch of drama. They recently went to mediation so their agreement is that he picks her up every Friday at 4 and she picks her up at 7 on Sundays (which happened today and it went awful I'm so pissed right now which is why I'm posting this). So she knocks on the door my bf opens it and his ex starts calling their daughter which was next to me and didnt want to go with her until I told her your mom is calling you so she got up I turned around and this stupid bit** comes in the house like she owns it and goes inside my bf's mom's room nd starts chatting with her like nothing. At this point I'm fucken pissed nd I txt my bf tell her to get out or were done like wtf why you let her in. He walks over to me in the kitchen and starts yelling loud to me wtf why are you being a brat. I couldn't believe I felt so disrespected by her and on top of that my bf is yelling at me like really!???? Wtf!! And by the way when he goes to pick up his daughter I go but he usually drops me off somewhere gets his daughter nd the comes back nd picks me up but never takes me with her because it's disrespectful yet he let's her disrespect me like that?! Then his ex makes this stupid comment oh now I know to come prepared next time...(this stupid bitch uugh) so I told her well why you come inside the house then you could of stayed outside...the. She said shut up nd I told her no don't shut me up. Then their daughter told her BE NICE TO (MY NAME) MOM! A 5 yr old defended me no one else but her said anything. When they left my bf started arguing with me saying I can't believe you disrespected my daughter like that blah blah blah I was sooo pissed because maaybw if he would of at least told her hey you don't disrespect my gf like that or something or just not let her I the house in the first place none of that would of happened. He went inside the shower nd so i left to my parents crying finally i calmed down nd went back nd he had locked the room door so i opened it nd he was sleeping he kinda woke up so i told him how I felt i told him it hurt that he didnt defend me bd it hurt nd that i felt disrespected that I wasnt asking him to cuss his ex out but to atleast tell her hey dont disrespect my gf ne the he said i dont want to talk im so fucken pissed shut the fuck up nd get the fuck outta here! I have finals tomorrow so i just grabbed my stuff since i had the light on he looked at me ne said wtf is going on I'm trying to sleep here I just told him don't worry I'm just getting my stuff nd then I'll leave nd leave you alone so he just went back to sleep. So now I'm back at my parents in my old room crying and soo hurt :(!!
  • So I was reading this and truly thought I was reading my story. My husband has an ex that's a school teacher. She thinks she's the best thing since sliced bread and tries to control everything. Well that woman trashed my husband and I both for years and dragged us in and out of court. On December 19th of last year my two step-kids had heard enough and they walked out of their mothers house. They have not seen that women in over a year now. They flat out refuse and we are now going through a court battle. The kids have decided to call me mom and even though my kids are ages 21 and 19 it's been a true honor to start parenting over again with my 16 year old step-daughter and 13 year old step-son. Yah wanna talk about karma. That's at it's best!! Keep your chin up what comes around goes around!!!
  • It happen to me I dated my boyfriend for 13yrs Bern their for him In the good and the bad but is ex wife control him with the child tell him he has to choose the love of his kid or me she put the kid agaist me telling her I was the reason daddy left which it not true the reason he left was because the ex and him always fought so make the storty short the ex made his kid tell him if you love me leave her and try working thing with mom or forget her so the one crying her is me because he left me for the kid and is dating the ex because us kid ask him to .

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